The truth is simple. The truth is this.....I am surrounded by LOVE! I am not so alone as I first thought during the first days of drama with my mother's stroke. I have never actually been accepted in my family growing up, I don't "Fit In". This can be a lonely position, I was surrounded by my family members, 5 strongly opinionated siblings and one easily upset father, naturally I was lonely. I was surprised by being "cultured shocked" in not knowing how to talk to them, how to see the world through their eyes or to at least understand where they were coming from.....I would be thinking "I can't ever say the right thing or I don't know what I am suppose to do with this?!?" Because the reactions or conversations ended with eyes rolling at me or snorting angrily. I felt like I was not doing any good at all. I was starting to fall into a dark hole of great negativity, an old feeling from my childhood. So while this was all going on, one late summer evening I was pulling weeds thinking over this exact bad feeling in my stomach, this anger and negative mood resulting from my family drama. I pulled weeds feeling worried and trapped again like I was 12 years old not really 32. (How funny/strange life is to throw us into our unresolved issues, our unfinished battles with our parents or siblings.) I stopped pulling weeds in my struggling to watch the sunset feeling desperate to understand forgiveness.
In that very moment my good friend Betty Jo pulled up to my new cottage with her granddaughter TaylorAnn to give me goodies and a loving hug! I was completely relieved to see them and realized that I am not so alone after all! It is a wonderful feeling to have friends no matter the situation! Moments like that have flooded my life since this has happened to my mother, since I have gone to the "battle field" with my family... I think the most important thing for me to remember, to always remember is that I am surrounded by LOVE! That is the simple truth!