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Monday, July 30, 2012

The Television

The Television and I have had our battles, my husband loves it and I hate it....actually I don't hate it, I dislike it. It is rather hard for me to explain all the reasons why, today's world feels distracting enough without all the reality shows or weight lost stories. I am not out to attack Television at all! Please don't get me wrong here, I will never actually hate TV for all it has given me in memories, in education and in being able to "fit in" with a smirk from "Seinfeld" or a long practiced speech from "Frasier", Without TV what would we chat about at work? How would we all laugh out loud not knowing what was so funny from the show? I owe so much to television in my over all awareness in society. TV was the only outside still very guarded thing in my home growing up, My mother was afraid of it and my father never sat down without it on. I learned about all the old classic shows watching day time re-runs growing up in the 80's and 90's. It helped me see a world out there that my parents never brought into our home. I really honestly look back in awe that a simple thing as noisy and annoying as the TV gave me a better education then those text books on my desk. 
We have a Television in our new place right now. We are reminiscing down memory lane by watching all the episodes in order of the sitcom "The Wonder Years" and I am LOVING it! I like how each show and ending is so thought provoking or calming, leaving you feeling good to have watched it!
(They don't make TV like that anymore)
Of course I wasn't allowed to watch that show as a kid back when it first aired, so naturally in my first apartment I used that place like a time machine finding all of  "The wonders years" and watching them until I was ready to rejoin society again knowing the show very well. 
Television was a very important part of my home growing up, it was always on when my father got home, then there were those Sunday nights made extra special with bowls of popcorn or ice cream from my parents while watching back to back  shows like "Nature" then "Masterpiece Theater". 
(Those are some of  my most happiest memories with all of us zoned out in front of that screen.)
Soooooo see I don't hate the TV, I can't just walk away from it like I never knew it was there. I owe it so much in bringing me through such good moments and memories......BUT I can see it for what it is, as an escape to our REAL lives, a distraction to what we really should be doing or avoiding simply living. It isn't the Television, it isn't the way it has changed or how people use it. I would go crazy if each room had a TV in my home, I think it has to do more about the person, then with the kind of shows on TV.  People like to blame or find fault with things like TV, when actually it comes back to US and how we choose to spend our time in this life, WE are the ones who need to learn how to see the story for ourselves by turning it on or off............

Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Telephone

The Telephone has changed so much in just the last 50 years, not to mention from when it was first created in the late 1800's. My first cell phone will always be the BEST phone I ever had!
It was shaped like the number 8, it had different rubber protector colors to change the look and I knew it all so was JUST a phone!
Sad, for that was only a decade ago as I remember it, that beloved phone was hard to give up or as the rest of society called it "Up grading" to a new phone.
My cell phone conversations changed my life and saved it many times too! I use to find a phone any where, any pay phone in the mall or a fast food parking lot and call out to my friends or far away family to chit chat in my own space. 
My parent's home was full of noise from everything happening at once or babies crying. My first cell phone was that connection to the outside world from sitting in my car to driving into town. No longer did I wait in line to call someone, or wonder if the home would stay quiet long enough to chat with someone.....
So I have a big thanks to my first cell phone, I have a wish that my cell phone never changed at the same time!
I like snapping quick picture to send at the very moment of right now for friends on the phone to see and this came about from change.
I also said that texting was silly when it first came out, why wouldn't you want to talk voice to voice? Then while I was hanging out at a loud venue I found myself texting my husband was easier then trying to chat on the phone.
NOW I do not say the next big thing added to the phone will be stupid anymore, My husband loves his GPS and his own radio from his phone, he can be anywhere and get online in ways I can't. I am not looking forward to a new phone ever but I know how nice some of these features can be.
Every so often my Aunts will give me a call, they have been steadily in my life now since my mother's stroke and I get to reflect over how wonderful it is to hear their voice and know them so well! Chatting over an hour or 2 is nothing when the miles separate us but chatting on the Phone is like sitting over coffee again!
I love my phone no matter how much it will change and how much I may not need all it can offer......yet the sound of a voice warms your heart when you can hear such love and laughter coming through! 
I will always write letters off or on the computer, I will always go on my road trips to see them but when I can't, I will most gratefully enjoy our phone time as the world changes all around us, we can still chat it up!
There is just nothing like reaching out and touching someone through such a device as the telephone!

Monday, July 23, 2012

The Snake Life

Have you ever watched snakes move around? They wiggle and slither on forward always connected to everything behind them as well as in front of them. Last year at the lavender Festival I saw a BEAUTIFUL purple looking garden snake and carefully watched over it so no one step on it as it disappeared back into the lavender fields.
Since moving almost a month ago I have explained to people that I'm living a snake life! I wake up every morning to let my dogs out and walk with them over to their section of the yard and from there my whole rest of the day will be getting things done in a snake like manner!
For example; I put the dogs in their fence, notice they need water so I get them water and then carry fresh water to the chickens, let the chickens out if they want and notice my garden gloves so I put them on to clean the coop then pull fresh weeds with the roots for the chicks. Then as I slide around in the yard moving from one project to the other as I go back to the dogs again. I realize coffee still hasn't been made after a few minuets so I get the pets inside for their own breakfast time as from one room to the next I carry things here and there, then finally start coffee while also gardening in the front yard too. From washing dishes to carrying clean clothes, to sweeping from vacuuming, I live in such a snake life! Since we have moved my life is very much this way all day and if I rest it's doing another project of some kind inside.
One day soon I hope to have it all in place, I hope to also get back to the park before the summer ends and go on more walks with my dogs but for now I am never on the move without something in my arms. I set something down in one place only to find my way back around to where I had started my day again! 
Have you ever thought snakes were fascinating? I am not wanting one for pet but I do admire them! In my new home it takes time to find peace, to relax when I see many fun gardening things to do or cats to pet! It's a beautiful place and becoming even more magical everyday! I just wonder how long will I be moving in this way, JUST like a snake! I am  connected to things in front of me as well as behind while I move, while I slither through the grounds?

Sunday, July 22, 2012

A Night Light

Since moving a few weeks ago I have been noticing so many new fun things about our new place! Like when I need a night light I just dime the lights over the tub and the whole thing glows!
My husband knows I have never been a fan of bright lights at night, if I could live by candle light every night I would....he teases me about it but I like the calmness of evenings in soft glowing lights.
So having this fun new setup is one of my favorite times in the evening with my dogs napping at my feet to the soft glow of the bath tub.
I think also that I do some of my best writing to that soft glow. My new adventures have been flooding my days so quickly, I have barely had time to really process them and get them down! I love living in such a fun place full of life from groups of spiders to honey bees! 
Conquering my fear of birds has been a journey as well, I have always liked chickens but have never had to handle them as much as in these last few weeks and now I can carry them around without even thinking twice! Bravery comes in such small events like that and after a busy full day out there I like relaxing to my fun night light wondering what in the world will happen tomorrow:-)

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Living Lavender

This year's lavender festival was perfect! Not to hot in the mid morning when we arrived. My lavender latte' was a perfect blend of the earthy coffee and soft flower. My husband's lavender Italian soda was spot on in flavor as well!
So often people sale lavender foods or drinks having nothing even close to the real taste of those perfect buds!
I bought a hat that I had been wanting all year, just like I do in my way of shopping I think about it awhile.......
It took me 6 years to finally buy my brown dress because I knew what I wanted and I waited for the sale price and dress structure to all match before I would drop a dime!
My mother-in-law JoAnne would confirm that I am a extremely picky shopper when she went shoe shopping once and vowed to not do that again! I didn't get offended, I even warned her ahead of time and  told her how I am about my ideas of shopping for things I want in my mind's eye. IT CAN TAKE YEARS for me to buy something I need, that is just how I am.....
So with My new hat after a year of waiting to buy it there and the fields of lavender surrounding me made that Sunday morning perfect
My husband always loves these festivals just as much I do! He even talks now of our own lavender fields one day, how my festivals would be top notch classy and beautiful! We are always chatting like that about one day down the road when we have arrived to our dream job, home or life, I don't think of it as pipe dreams or dead ends in reality......In fact quite the opposite! I think of how the possibilities are always ENDLESS!!! We can make our lives what we choose, how we build it around whatever comes at us!
Ya never know, We could have that lavender farm one day....
JUST like in how I have my eye on a pair of comfy stylish purple shoes over the last few weeks now wondering to get them or not? 
IF We wait, plan, question and wait some more........then who knows where we will be in another decade?
I believe the fragrance of lavender is like that, truly full of hope and peace all at the same time! You breath it in and the soul flies free full of dreams and new ideas! 

You take the time to notice that living along side lavender is like owning your own personal magical moments to dream forward as it all blooms!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Summer time Showers

The water is cool 
The water is there to grab the dirt
The water is life 
The water is magical
The water is clear
The water is just right!

I step into the shower
I step away from the sweat
I step into a marshmallow world
I step through those big white fluffy curtains

The water is smooth
The water is cleaning
The water is inspiring
The water is a gift
The water is there to flirt

I look up at the sky light
I look down at the tub
I look outside
I look in
I look around with a grin!

For this water is all mine!
For it is summer time showers, AND nothing is just that refreshing!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

One year ago

While I was moving, I stopped surprised that this one picture from my old calendar of which I had saved because it reminded me of my father-in-law Kelly's two miniature schnauzers, Newton and Eddie. This picture is PERFECT with both dogs running off leash along the ocean line. A true moment I have lived in and loved! I remember running along side all 3 dogs, Newt, Edison and my Oscar along that Oregon coast on Christmas morning in 2010. That bright, beautiful clear day was magical in what is usually rainy season! The three dogs and I ran so hard, so long and fast in the bright warm sun light then returned back again to the family group for champagne with our tongues hanging out and also I was laughing so much!!! (YES I let my tongue hang out like the dogs too!) hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 
What a great day and memory, so I saved this picture from that calender I had gotten that day as a gift later on....It hung in my old bedroom and now it hangs in my new place.

While I was moving I stopped by surprise for on the otherside of this picture was One year ago......the month of JULY full of such trauma. Now it faced me once again the very same calendar dates......."WHAT ARE THE CHANCES!?!" I exclaimed showing my surprised husband in the other room. "LOOK! it's all on here, everything as I wrote it back then even with my drawn hearts and smiles! I forgot how well organized on the calender I was! UNTIL July 18th, then suddenly everything is in a black Sharpe marker crossing out the rest of my life!?!?" My husband replied "Once again you are creeping me out! You and all these connections to the spiritual world...I swear, this is both awesome and disturbing at the same time. If you had known it was saving last July putting up this picture on your wall, what would you have done?" I snorted quickly and confidently explaining "I would have just photo copied this picture then threw away this month instantly! I mean if I had known back then but now I like looking at it as if to remind me of who I was and how I am now!" My husband nodded back "Then that is why you were not to notice it until now, LIKE I SAID you have such creepy connections!" He moved away from me with a smirk of true wonder and I chuckled holding this picture in my hand. How reflective this had all made me as I read over it again, I haven't been keeping a good calender since! AND I realized that I liked my goofy, silly, animated self back then as I decorated my life, my calender before the month had come to a sudden end. Now the last part of this month is VERY dark with even some drawn tears, I can see all my earlier plans canceled. Like my big bbq inviting my parents and whole family over to our new place! Shopping date for my sister's daughter that I was actually really excited to be apart of, even wanting to go shopping! It was all so odd to me that I had those desires to be with my family when I never liked shopping like that before, I never had the room in my other home to entertain everyone at once so now I was VERY excited over all these plans that were blacked out actually. I just sat awhile looking over the story of a traumatic month, a year ago today the 18th of July in the year of our lord 2011 was when my mother's stroke shocked us all and sent us all spiraling out of our normal lives! I am forever changed, I am forever made aware and feel like I can't ever go back to who I was. I actually don't want to return to my silliness, I just want to be stronger and wiser. I want to have peace again and laugh when the dogs and me ran the ocean waves! Like when the sun light warmed my soul to a full on big smile and I danced around! I want that moment back again it is WHY I save this picture and put it up proudly on my wall in the first place! FOR I HAVE BEEN THERE and will return again one day.......Pulling me closer to love!

Monday, July 16, 2012

Sibling Slight

Now it's no secret if you know me that I have a sister, often people are surprised by just how extremely different my sister and I are. We grew up only a year and half apart, our mother dressed us like twins until we protested in our later teenaged years. I have a millions memories with my sister at my side. I even remember how introducing my boyfriend to her I liked how she said "Welcome to the family brother-in-law." Tony stared on in surprise as my sister Dana announced "My Sister wouldn't give you the time of day if she hasn't already thought she could marry you." Tony laughed back and nodded at me as I just shrugged giggling. 
There are things my sister knows about me, there are ways she can describe me that are spot on. But then there is also this extreme judgement from her, a snappy sharp way she speaks to me and I realize her perception of me is completely off. Yet as sisters or as siblings in general, we get a sense of entitlement to correct each other. We have this idea of approaching one another in true honesty. So just like when we were kids growing together, doing stupid stuff and all. Our relationships don't have the same rules as in society when meeting strangers. My sister and I have never been very close, we have never been even similar in personality. I often explain to people who ask that my sister and I are like the sun and the moon, for we live in 2 different worlds completely.

Now there are always 2 sides to every story, I usually can get the second side of the story with my sister or my father from some kind of blow up fight. They both have to come to this point of screaming in finally let go of whatever is eating away at them. Usually my behavior towards them has been building in their minds so when they let go, I am surprised but glad to realize the rest of the story.....
My husband Tony noticed the other day when we had a family BBQ that my sister did every rude and bitchy thing towards me she could. I just thought to myself at the time  "Well, it's been almost a year now with her behavior like this.....wonder how much longer she be this way?" I don't even blink in surprise anymore as she speaks to me like I am the stupidest human alive, AND I don't have to stand up for myself anymore. When I visit with our mother or say something around her that my sister doesn't agree with then you can notice more how frustrated my sister is towards me. My sister thinks sharing our life stories, events and what is new to our mother makes Mom get ideas that she can do those same things too, when really she can't......I get it now. I have grown up in the last 12 months since Mom's stroke that fighting with my sister won't help anything although I do remember this last winter saying to my mom as I set her down in her wheel chair right after my sister had spatted out some mean words at me then slammed the door of the cottage, "You know Mom I just wanted to warn you that one day soon when you see your 2 daughters screaming and rolling over each other in the driveway out that window, you don't have to be worried I KNOW exactly what I am doing and just couldn't take it anymore." My mother snorted back at me as my 13 year old brother burst out laughing from overhearing me. I just grinned at them thinking it would be funny to see no doubt! Now I know my mother is loved, she is cared for and enjoys her cottage so I don't need to be in her life the way that I use to think. I usually only cause drama by showing up happily taking her out for My sister and I will never see eye to eye over the care or conversation with our surviving mother, I don't think it is even my place anymore to try. That is the part of growing up I have gone through this year. Trying to bring rainbows and butterflies into my mother's sight, trying to always have hope and laughter at the ready isn't bettering anyone's time when it is not wanted. My Mother knows that I can be her friend, I can be there for her whenever she asks but I don't need to bother everyone else anymore. Most importantly it is better to NOT fight with my sister right now as well.....We all can work out our differences for the better of others in the end. It's not a sad story, it not a finished story either! It is what it is. My sister and I will eventually have nothing in common in time, we will shift our lives and our time into different things. We were never meant to be the same, we were never meant to stay on each others elbows like when we were kids.
When I was working in the mall at the coffee shop a few years ago my sister came in shouting angrily at me. For she didn't have all day to wait around for me to get off work. When she walked away with our mother who was trying quiet her down, they were shopping some more. My manager said to me after having watched the whole scene. "Shively, you can leave early if it helps.....for that's some sister of yours." I chuckled as I replied back in a shrug "Well, It is what it is." My manager high fived me in the air with a kind smile and I didn't feel so embarrassed anymore.
As we drove that hour back home in the late night I steady the wheel reflecting over the nice time with my family when My husband suddenly asked "What are you going to do about your sister? She is getting really mean!" I chuckled again and just shook my head "I'm going to do nothing. I can handle it...." I shrugged saying once again "It really IS what it is. My sister and I were never friends, we are just family."

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Delightful Thoughts

Right now the Lavender festival is going on in Nampa Idaho so hope to see you out there enjoying the magic of it all!  AND these pictures are for you to smile in beauty of this purple celebration!!!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

A Civil Rights Moment

As Kind Ken and I were chatting about our lives on that plane flight into Denver Colorado from Boise Idaho this past April, he was continuing on to Dallas Texas while my husband and I were going on to Orlando Florida. I was very sad to say goodbye when we landed but thrilled to have made a delightful new friend! For Ken loves his gardens and his peach trees, loves his home and neighborhood too, we really had loads of things in common! We talked about how to care for those stone fruit trees, how important bugs and bees are to the gardens....The time flew by as we flew through the sky with all those topics consuming us. I truly enjoyed all of his advice, I asked many questions and explained how I hope to have all my gardens growing in the best way possible soon.
We both asked for refills on our coffee cups and then he chuckled when we got our new coffee "You like your coffee black too, huh? Ya know most people your age have those frap-o coffees or mocha somethings...." I laughed happily nodding in agreement explaining "Oh well now I did like all those kind of drinks, even worked at Starbucks but after awhile my taste buds changed and I can't do sugar like that anymore. Bring on the black coffee for me." Ken replied thoughtfully "The less sugar you have now at your age the healthier you will be at my age." I smiled brightly in complete agreement.
Ken commented while looking out his window seat of the plane, the sunrise was purple and pink turning slowly orange right before our eyes as we continued to chat away. Ken was such a handsome older man in his 70's, I could clearly see how good looking he was in his earlier days and believed him when he explained he had many girlfriends as a bachelor, for he had a truly happy life all around! He simply just LOOKED very happy as he sat next to me.
I loved how he visited softly, thoughtfully with such good humor. We never had a silent awkward moment it was as if we had always know one another our whole lives. Ken commented while looking out his window saying "I have just one moment in my life I regret, one moment I am STILL ashamed of myself over....." I sat surprised and leaned in closer to him thoughtfully as he explained it was in the 60's when the whole civil rights events were unfolding, he was a young new school teacher at a grade school in heart of the south. His classroom was full of kids and there was this one young Indian girl lived right across the street so she could walked to his class. He was stunned, even shocked when the authorities came right into his class lesson and dragged her out. Her screaming and her fear makes him so mad now that He didn't DO anything to save her at the time. He was so mad that they came and took her out of his classroom like that! Ken sighed as he explained "I did NOTHING, I just stared at the whole thing unfolding as she cried and fought them to stay, I just kept on teaching and acting that had not JUST happened!....I ended up quitting from that school a week later but the guilt stays with me always. I SHOULD have stopped them from dragging her out like that! I COULD have said something or stood in their way to protect her...." Ken's eyes glossed over as I replied quickly back at him "But instead YOU were a hero to those other children left in the room after such a dramatic event like that! No doubt they were shook up too! So really you showed bravery in NOT bursting out crying over that child being taken or fighting with those men who took her as all those children watch on looking to you to keep them safe. You WERE very brave for the rest of your classroom! and really Moments like that teach us to remember what we can do next time. You shouldn't have shame or guilt as the teacher you stayed calm as this craziness unfolded, no doubt it was a surprise and often when we are taken by surprise we are left bewildered unsure for a few moments until we can think it through, it wasn't your fault. YOU were right where you needed to be for the rest of that class and that little girl knew by the look on your face that it was not your call, not what you agreed with. Perhaps that is why she wanted to stay with you so deeply, she knew what a good kind school teacher you were." Ken chuckled and smiled back at me in replying "I never thought about it like that, I always thought I had failed, I had frozen up in what to do next that if I could just go back now... I KNOW EXACTLY what I would have said or done. If I could go back I would have kept her in my classroom and wouldn't be afraid to fight!" I nodded with a sympathetic feeling hoping Ken didn't see himself as a coward anymore. THIS proves what I see all the time a TRUE hero never knows who they are as a hero, they never believe as the rest of the world can so clearly see it. Ken sighed after his emotional story "It's the one moment in my life I wish I could change, to protect that little girl and take a stand for what is right." I smiled back at his thoughtful face in my reply saying "It's having lived through such a moment like that which makes you aware of how it could happen again and next time you WILL be ready for it!" He laughed in agreement and was smiling again as our topics in conversation kept moving forward in a true real sense of connection. How important to remember in our failed moments we still learn how to be brave or how to change the way we handle the first time we were faced with this kind of drama. Our mistakes or lack of answers teach us to grow from that moment on......there is NO shame in life's lessons, no guilt in living through it. For what we didn't do or didn't know yesterday taught us how to change for today! We will make tomorrow perfect after all is said and done, after all we have learned from one another!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

My Kind Ken

When our eyes met he smiled and I saw a very handsome elderly man lean past my husband to me and ask "Is that seat open?" I grinned gratefully and nodded in my reply "oh yes most defiantly!" He sat down next to me with his own big grin as he exclaimed "A window seat! How lucky am I in getting to sit here." I giggled and said back quietly "Well, I love sitting in the middle so it all works out." He chuckled "That's an odd seat to like on a plane but you fit in to it perfectly my dear." He was clean cut, dressed in a crisp causal way. He buckled in while shaking my hand politely at the very same time "It's really nice to meet you, My name is Ken." I realized in that instant, in that 6am hour while the dark gray sky not yet lighten by morning that we were going to be instant friends! While My husband sat back with his head set in and shook his head amused once again at how easily I can chat away with a perfectly good stranger. Yet I sat in awe over such delightful dialogue for the next hour and half with such sweet and happy man!
Ken was the name of  this handsome 78 year old man, he sat close enough to me while we drank our black coffees together to talk the whole way but never be to loud to bother the rest of the sleeping plane. I am always nervous over the incline of taking off or landing but sitting next to Ken I relaxed from my own giggles as he shared "I'm having a GREAT time being 78 and in the dating world again because now I can date down 20 years and it's no big deal.....I promised my daughter never to date anyone in her age decade, How old are you?" He smirked while I choked from such delight with heavy giggling! Suddenly the plane was air born and I hadn't broke a sweat I was delighted over this man and distracted that I never saw the plane take off! I truly enjoyed everything this man was sitting next to me and I called him my "Kind Ken" for it was all meant to be...him and me sharing our lives stories! Ken explained how he loved being a bachelor having many girlfriends all over the world from his passion in traveling then one day he saw his future wife at a church social went directly home to write a dozen letters to these girls explaining he was now off the market. I drank in his love story of marrying happily ever after But then only 2 years ago his wife passed away....when he reached this part of his life I had tears rolling down silently beside him. I patted his arm and he rested his hand over mine gratefully then wiped his tearful eyes. "You would have liked her, she was a sweet lady, the most beautiful woman I had EVER seen." I nodded and swallowed strongly replying back "Well, I DO like her!" I smiled big back at him and Ken chuckled. "So why are you heading to Florida?" he asked as I shrugged thoughtfully "We have never been there before, my husband wanted to go somewhere we've never been."
 He explained as i asked him where was he flying out to "Well, I'm on my way to my brother's for a visit, he had me come visit shortly after my wife's death which was like rescuing me, being around him made me realize how life goes on and even though I will NEVER love a woman like I did my wife....In that 6 weeks with my brother on our road trip back to Boise I never cried for my wife and I kept thinking  just how Life is good! Life is really, really good especially when you can get out and LIVE IN IT." I stared in awe at his words for they are exactly what I am always saying......
I believe in loving your family, in loving your spouse, but I also believe how connected to others we always are! Even after such pain as in a final goodbye can be, there is still work for the soul, the person left living to do. I believe in this greater picture through such partings of deep sorrow comes a bigger strength to the help, to love of all the other connections out there! It's much the same way when we loose a pet, for there is another animal waiting on our love, our time at that very same moment we have to say goodbye. Ken commented back at me as I happily visited to what I realized by the end of the flight was a true kindred spirit "My dog died during the same time as my wife and I have never cried so hard for a pet before......I thought it was very odd." He looked thoughtfully out his window as I nodded knowingly explaining "It was more for what the dog represented, a time in history where everything was a certain way with him in it everyday. You realized with his death everything ends as it was. I believe animals carry us through our lives in and out of these stages. The truth is with dogs it never actually ends, they love us always and are ready to meet us no matter where we are in life! There is always going to be another dog waiting to be loved like that." I smiled to myself thinking how that can even apply to some people just as Ken said "I think of my dating life like that even right now too, I mean I'm really having fun! I enjoy life and then all these ladies are out living their spouses! I am so amazed by the variety I have to choose from....." He chuckled again then finished with "We never get to old for companionship! It makes life one great big adventure!" I nodded happily realizing I want to be JUST like this man when I am 78 years old!

To my dear Kind Ken we will never come to the end with such good friends and happiness shared!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

My New Home

It's been a week now and I have relaxed more over all these sudden changes in my life, over all the forced changes I SHOULD say.....Being forced to move helps one's soul learn to let go of what isn't really even ours to be in control of in the first place.

I fell head over heels in love with our cottage in the last 12 months but it was never mine to actually own. I will love where I am now just as equally in time! It is in my blood to love all things and places I see! I went around to each new room of this new house saying a blessing and a wish for the future. It's time to move on in my life in many many ways, but most importantly as a home maker it is time for me to know the gifts I have to share! The healing soul that I am and the one wish is that Home sweet Home is more of a balance, a safe place in my heart......

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Sing along with the new day!

Friday, July 6, 2012

Our Picnic

"This is why I don't like many bugs out trying to get in your food while you are eating." Tony said with such annoyance that I chuckled. It had been a long stressful crazy week moving into a new home and realizing how much change there is instantly surrounding us. I had to get to the park or die trying! I had to find some shade in a lazy moment or else I was going to throw myself into the river....(always with the drama and me) Imagine though a nice river swim? After lifting heavy things and unpacking boxes.....After adjusting the pets and scrambling after chickens! I have wanted my farm and now I got it more or less......The picnic was reminder that I can calm down again. Then suddenly a squeal from my husband didn't phase me as I ate my sardines with cheese. "AAAAAaaaa that fly just bite me!" I comment not looking up "Must have been a horse fly then.....I thought it look really big when it landed." Tony sighed and tried to lay down on the blanket only to slice his foot with a huge thorn. "OH MY GOD!" was all I could choke out at the sight of the huge thorn sticking out of his bare foot! I couldn't help but realize....even giggle a bit.....
That we have NEVER in all the years we have been together just never had a picnic in peace!?! I am realizing now that it will probably never happen actually, with such drama, craziness and Tony facing nature is just the way it is.
So as Tony got bugs in his food, in his shoes or in his drink. Our perfect picnic never really find it's self at peace. Tony was NOT joking when he said a fire pit is the closest thing to camping he will ever want to get! AND I have to wonder after our last outing recently, if maybe Tony has some kind magnetic bug attracting energy???

I stared on in awe and in horror too over the kind odd of bugs that landed on Tony as I ate my snacks in my own personal space with such calmness. Tony stated after flinging about saying "It's because I am here they never bother YOU." I titled my head thinking that even if I sat there all alone these bugs wouldn't have bothered me much, I really like bugs to be if they DID land on me chances are I wouldn't have even noticed anyway and maybe that is the difference between what side of the picnic blanket had the attacks?

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

My Favorite Fireworks

      It was getting dark the heat was cooling down as everyone gathered in chairs and picnic blankets on the Caldwell Idaho's golf range. I didn't golf or even try to learn at that time, my mind was on so many other things....It was however fun to see a group of friends of all ages gather there. My life long friend Benny had been hanging out all afternoon so now we raced off from the socializing group with our beers in hand and giggling down the slop of the perfect made grass. I announced as we went arm in arm "IT'S Girls time!" Benny smiled back saying once again "Debby, you are good for my soul." We left the whole world at this moment if any guys came close I would shoo them away while Benny would laugh out loud and leaned into me more. THIS is one of my most favorite moments under the fireworks, one of my sweetest memories in a stressful time in my life......Me and My Benny Girl.
"I can't believe I am getting married tomorrow." I said in awe as I swallowed down more Alaskan Amber. (THIS was the beer of our friendship, the beer we drank and share every time we got together over the next decade.)
Benny seemed to have something on her mind all day, something she wanted to share but didn't. I felt it every so often when I caught her eye. "What? What's up?" I would ask her as she would shrug and say "Oh Nothing." Then I would wait because with my beloved friend Benny I never pushed her for information, never demanded her to tell me anything unless she wanted to. It was important to me to respect her need for privacy, if she wants to share she can trust me and I will just wait to know one day what was on her mind at the time. People would ask so many questions about her or about what we were doing as friends and I wouldn't have the answers at the ready, they would reply "Shouldn't you ask her how long she will live with you?" I would shake my head "NOPE. She's welcomed for as long as she needs and I may never actually know why, but that's just fine we are friends for life."Was always my basic reply and I got annoyed often at how people would just stare at me oddly.
"I can't believe I am getting married tomorrow." I said again as Benny nodded thoughtful side by side we sat watching the fireworks pop out in the dark sky. She replied "Especially YOU who said that marriage is old school and people can live happily ever after never getting married." I chuckled nodding "Yes I still think like that but I see this wedding as a public statement to the world that this person, my husband is very important to me and I want to be proud, be dedicated to being together."
Benny smiled and hugged me "Then it is right for you, You seem to have always thought these things through." I sighed "Oooh I often OVER think things until the subject is exhausted!" 
I caught an odd look from Benny again I exclaimed "I will not change! Just because I am getting married doesn't mean I am loosing any freedoms or who I am! I wish people would realize this and stop acting like I going off to die or to disappear!" Benny looked surprised replying "Oh no I wasn't thinking THAT, I know you Debster.....NO ONE makes you do anything against your will, you can put up with a lot, like with people calling the shots until they start calling the shots over your life then I have SEEN you burst out like one of these fireworks! YOU won't change unless you want to......I'm just amazed we are old enough to be the marrying age now! CRAZY!" I clinked my beer bottle next to hers as we cheered out towards the bright sparkling sky above us over the grand finale. That was truly one of my favorite fireworks shows EVER!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Rescuing Cottage

               While everyone was over in the new house, I found my computer still hooked up on the empty bare living room floor of the now "old home". I sat down to breath all sweaty and dirty from moving, I am a very slow mover. I know this to be true from inside my heart and soul I move slowly touching everything as I go for the reflective part of me has to part with the way I had known it. THIS is what is so hard on me not that I am wanting to stay the same because I know, I understand there isn't real growth staying in place exactly the same. Living in different homes doesn't make you all that different as well, it just allows you to know how to move on better. I am a Nester, a home maker with a mothering soul....all animals are loved, guard and cared for easily in my presence. While moving day was extremely overwhelming I took my time not in such a hurry to change, I sat down in my open empty cottage thinking to myself "This was my rescuing place, my safety from the outside world, from all those dramas that followed my mother's stroke last summer...." I sat realizing saying goodbye hurts deeply, Now I am thrilled over my new place but it is this already loved cottage that I will miss!
Tinker Belle my beautiful fluffy 5 year old cat strolled by me as I sat alone on the floor, I began talking to her until I cried. She clawed me later out of panic when I put her into my new bedroom so she must of not REALLY understood our evening talk about how change is good, we can grow form this and move forward. 
THIS cottage was a magical place one year ago I moved in with such ease because it wasn't anyone's actual home to me. Right now I am living in my neighbor's home and whose friendship made this change possible. It's a bit more of adjustment for me on a different level, Truth is I have never been good at goodbyes since I was just a little girl! When visiting my Grandparents and extended family while growing up I cried every time we said goodbye and THAT has always been my way of facing such moments.
I knew I would not live in the cottage forever ever, but I did hope to see the new few years grow there. THAT July morning when I got my sister's call, that one single moment in time flashed before my eyes again as I sat on the empty living room floor alone with my cat......Oh how I loved this place when we moved in and how I had all the grand garden plans, had all these summer time events still to unfold then I got THE call....The one call brought me to my knee and I screamed!  Really couldn't have screamed so loud and so hard if I still lived in the Condo....Nope the Cottage was there as my rescue! I had dreams of this day coming my mother's stroke and I knew exactly where I was now in the history of my life! Everything else followed with that one comfort in the back of my mind when I get HOME sometime in late hour of the day I will breath again! This Cottage will give me the stars, the trees and the grass to lay down and simply LOOK UP! Oh how I loved my cottage, my time there was perfect for the imperfect stories of my life.
Soooooooo I said Goodbye with tears streaming down my face.
Once the whole place was clean the patio wide open I took my music over there in the cool summer night, and dance out my heart and soul one last time!
Every home in my heart will have a story for the rest of my life, but this past year was the story of the cozy cottage and of all the love I embraced through the toughest year I EVER had to face!

Monday, July 2, 2012

Goodbye to JUNE

This has been an emotional weekend, full of great new adventures along with sad goodbyes! Maybe what I am the most sad to see is leaving the month of JUNE......?

And what a magical month it was, my beloved June!
How often did I swing along side the kids I babysat, or wandered the green belt by the Boise river with each dog? How I will miss the huge fenced in backyard of my cute cottage, with all those dogs coming and going, Those April blossoms on the centered pear tree and how I lived outside!
I am not making it up when I say that I really HATE GOODBYES.......Tears stream down my face so easily when it comes to change. I have been this way even as a little kid, and I will probably always be like this emotional and connected to all things and yes always....sad to say goodbye.
June with the picnic basket full of fun books to read, coloring books and treats! Cool Evenings with music to dance, to relax out in such perfect weather! With the wind in my hair as I biked down to my favorite coffee shop or waved at passing by neighbors, feeling so very happy to be apart of this place. June with all those packs of seeds and amazing growing trees! It's hard to see the seasons change when I know I could live happily ever after if each month was JUNE!
In June mornings I watered my flowers, walked my dogs and simply focused on BEING. 
In June I decided that I am not going to do things that bring me extra dramas or struggles (at least not by my choice....I understand life will still dish us out whatever it wants) 
In June I knew it was all to sweet to last so I drank in the whole month for every flower, every honey bee and butterfly it became my new joy!
In June I reflect over how I will wait now another 12 months to see it again and celebrate once more my favorite time of the year!
 My dear sweet June you were beautiful and wonderful in each and every day! and I will miss you!