Search This Blog

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Fair-y Memories

When it comes to the Western Idaho Fair every August month, I can remember the very first time I went as a little child. As I followed my Father around through the animal cages, the open pen petting zoo and the colorful rides. I am not sure how old I was for the first carnival that grabbed my attention, but once while visiting My Dad's Parents, in the small town had a lite up Carnival that I shot up from my black leather car seat to see it clearly better and exclaimed “WOW! I wanna go!” My parents both giggled, My Mom replied “Oh shoot, we should have gone through town another way.” But my Dad calmed me down saying “We will go there tomorrow night.” That time on those rides with my cousins Trina and Cally was what I really loved. Remembering my Grandpa, Papa Rudy sitting with me on the dragon roller coaster, or how he liked to swing the seat on the Ferris Wheel, makes me realize he loved those rides just as much as I did! Riding the Ferris Wheel is such a vivid memory for me because my cousins kept calling out and waving to me as they rode together above my own seat and I remembered my little feet sticking out as we circled the wheel in those flashing lights. When my Grandma gave me blue cotton candy it was the first I ever tasted and so my memory of the earliest time in my life that I experienced a Fair was the a warm happy feeling sitting on the wooden picnic table at night with all the family around laughing and sharing food.

Growing up every summer was focused around saving money for the Fair, The event was driving from the farm to Boise (about an hour's drive) for the whole Fair day from open to close. When my Dad would get something to eat like a chorizo, the 3 of us kids would flock to him for a bite then he would say “buy your own.” so we would debate, calculate and see if it was worth the cost to us in having our own. Though at the Fair my Dad always seemed patient with us in walking up and down the food lane as we asked him about everything. We wanted to make sure what we got to eat was the best deal as well as not suddenly finding out while we walked around the corner something offered there that was even better. As a child I enjoyed all the shows, touched as many animals as possible, watched how they milked a cow, and cheered on the pig races! As the years went on the Fair setup grew more commercial and less local. My Mom always bought her hot dogs to support the local church families, or she volunteered at the “Right to Life” booth. Slowly our Father stop coming with us to the Fair all together. Our Mom step in to make sure we always got to go in those teenage years. And if we got to take a friend along with us it was even more fun! But the day I remember the most was when I felt so rich having saved $100 dollars. And by the evening it was all gone, through ride tickets, food and drinks. I was left feeling helplessly sad that it hadn't stretch as far as I thought it would. So the next year I walked around the Fair guarding my money and just buying the basic needs.

There isn't a ride I haven't tried, but now that I am older I have noticed my preferred style is less thrilling. I will always take on a roller coaster, or just relax on the carousel. But I am NOT into spinning in tight circles anymore, or just hanging upside down. I can't shake off the headaches I get if a ride does both. Yet I will NEVER stop flying! I will always love the Ferris Wheel for seeing the world in that new way. I will never get bored at seeing the place light up for the night! So when it comes to my most favorite of all rides, The Swings are well worth the wait in line.

My Motherinlaw JoAnn handed me a ticket for a free ride last year and I didn't even hesitate as I said “The Swings!” she looked above us at the twirling legs of people. “Oh hell no!” she replied while my brotherinlaw Dusty said “It could be fun.” I got both Stephanie and Roy to talk Mom into the ride. So VERY excitedly I felt like a kid again, It's even more fun to share your favorite ride with family!
There really hasn't been a summer I missed out on riding the swings. It just feels to me as natural as breathing, I know it will be the closest thing I ever get to flying like a bird! My Sisterinlaw Stephanie exclaimed that is was so much fun to ride the swings, while Mama Jojo was still walking with her eyes closed. She later told my Husband that she saw me out there with my arms wide out, never once did I hang on to the swings! But she just knew her swing would pop off into the air if she wasn't careful! I explained to her that it's easier to picture Peter Pan flying along side of you, because then you can imagine you are Tinker Belle up there!:-)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Reaching Song

Today I have been thinking about my Brother Daren, He will be 17 years old soon and I keep thinking of him as a 10 year old. Which is really silly I know, that  just means I am 7 years behind in time:-)
When he was born I was almost 14 so naturally he grew up on my hip. I started singing to him at bed time when he was just a toddler but he soon requested the song I always end the session with as "The Reaching Song" Because while I sang he would be in bed and there is a part in this song where I reached out to him and held his hand. One of my favorite times was when he sang along with me for every word! 
So tonight I share this with you<3

Come ride in my wheel chair
Come walk in my braces
Use my hands to discover a thousands new faces
Hear with my eyes
Speak with my hands
Feel with your heart what my heart understands


I thank the Lord for all his given you, for I've been blessed with special talents too,
I've learned many lessons from the things I've been through.
Now with his love through my life is reaching to you!

I......CAN....LOVE<3 <3 <3 

Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Good OLD Days

Now that I am getting older, I have noticed how easy it is for me to think I was lucky to be born before the changing times. Before the ".COM" decade, along with all these technical advances we see in today's "Rat Race". Instead my childhood was full of the outside world, with memories of hands on learning or watching nature shows on TV. I can see myself today referring back to those "Good Old Days".
Just like my Mom who always shared about her "Good Old days", I am now thinking in the same way. I chuckled when I realized this just the other day, when I see how funny I have become. As a child I listened to so many of those "Good old days" stories from my Parents and other adults. But I always thought the time I was in had to be better then those olden days. I often sat silently listening to my Dad visit over dinner with his parents. They shared in all kinds of small town gossip, with the history of the past and the up-to-dates they knew. I saw the good old days flood them with laughter, with sarcastic jokes and those big smiles. I loved such moments like that in my life when I wondered about the "Good old days" after all. I liked seeing my Dad come alive and hearing about his childhood adventures. So when the Grandparents visited they brought with them those "Good Old Days". If I ever asked my Mom about the past, ever studied history or walked through the Museum with her. She would always have such an endless knowledge of the truth, on how the world as a whole was better in those olden days. Why she could talk up one of her many speeches on how all the good people are now dying and the reckless sinful people have taken over. I remember how she saw the world while I was growing up, I remember her words so clearly. She was very convincing as the ONLY teacher I actually had. The world once was good, not just because her bible said so, but because America was first founded only by the Christians. These Christians were the good part of our nation, so without them this "Good" in our old days was about to end.
How amazed I was when reading "Catcher in the Rye" one quiet late night in my first apartment, I couldn't help but say out loud to myself "The Good old days really sucked!"

Within our minds we can pick and choose what was good "back in our day". We can get stuck missing a time in history when we were happy, or when it was easiest for our lives. But really all of TIME is the what we make it, what we want it to be. History shows how people create the events that get remembered, like how being a Jew when Hitler came to power was a VERY bad time, or how Rwanda suffered such genocide in 1994. 
There is no such thing as a "Good OLD Day", We just have right now to decide how history will go down, how time will stand still in our memory, how we can live it. 
WE are in control of how we will remember some of the GOOD OLD TIMES.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

All She wants to do is DANCE

Last night at Music of the Vine the Blues Concerts were so lively, so Beautiful outside in the summer evening. I often think about my attraction to Music, to those shiny instruments. I understand Music was a big part of my life as a child, as I grew up my radio was rarely ever off. My favorite time in Church was always the music, the singing and the transition to another world. 
As little as 5 years old My Mother explained to me how important it is in listening to the words of a song, so you know if you agree with the message or not.
I use to lead my siblings into dancing around the living room in those very early years of our lives. I would get us up on the top of the couch to jump at the end of a song! 
Dancing as a child is the best time in One's life, because there is no fear, no second guessing or judging. You are free to just be Happy, to be moving with the fun sounds around you!
The first night in my own bedroom at the age of 17 I danced until 3 am, I put in my favorite cassette tape over and over to celebrate the freedom I was given, and the joy of my own space. I used all those nights so often to just  brake out in tune. 
So last night's dancing brings me back to remember how I love music, how it was always with me. I wish I could dance like Beyonce, but really I just dance for me.
My Husband is so use to my dancing, that often he just chuckles and lets me go!
I remember having a quiet dinner with my Grandma Norma when I was 21, My family was out of town and I had a job, also had to look out for all our pets. Happily I often ate with my Grandparents. 
My Grandma was perfectly 5 foot tall, adorable little Lady, She always said "MERCY!" when she was startled or worried. She often broke out in a Prayer usually grabbing my hand at the same time and I would quickly bow my head or close one eye making sure I was supporting her.
On this evening Grandma kept looking at me excitedly, I was finishing up my canned green beans on my plate when I asked "What is so funny Grandma?" Her head tilted side to side to look for my Grandpa, who had left to put more wood in the stove. She giggled when I asked so I smiled back, for my Grandma's giggles were always so cute, I preferred them to her frowns. At this moment she jumps up taking my hand to lead me into the Family room, "Grandma?" I asked following her. "I am so excited, just so excited Debby!" she replied to my confusion. In the glowing light of the family room she turn to me with her arms wide out and she twirled in place, I laughed out loud and sat down to watch her dance. When she was done she said breathlessly "God told me in my morning bible study that dancing is a form of worship to him and I shouldn't feel afraid to do so!" I smiled proudly at her as she kept dancing, breathlessly explaining how she now loves to dance like this. the soft chuckle came from my Grandpa who sat down beside me to watch his wife dance, They shared in such a loving moment that night. I was thinking to myself that I had been dancing like this for years, but there was such joy in this new discovery to my Grandma and like a child she came alive as she danced for us, Her excitement, her happiness was just so beautiful. 
Standing at my Grandma's grave site, having to say goodbye, brought back this strong memory of her dancing into that glowing night. So where ever her spirit is, I hope she can dance!

"....Now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my head." -Elton John

Friday, August 13, 2010

Something so Common

I was laying on his couch with a Victoria Secret Magazine, Wondering why woman's underwear is so damn expensive. I liked getting great ideas for my future but the dollar bill was in need of stretching to make it happen.
He came over to sit with me and I put the magazine down. This was my boyfriend Tony who always stop everything to sit with me. He even left his summer job for 10 days with only a few minuets notice that he was going to be gone supporting his Girl. What amazed me the most was he told them he wasn't sure when he would be back and he didn't care or worry about it ever again. I was raised to hang on to a job, to sacrifice your own time for work. But here in my life was this sweet guy who often said "Like your job BUT Love your Wife." So as we sat together I asked him "what is your favorite kind of pie?"  I loved these kind of conversations and questions. He didn't even pause to think he smiled widely stating "Apple Pie!" I back away from him with a frown and asked him "Why something so common?" His eyes widen and his laughter filled the air. "Common?" he shot back. "What is so COMMON about Apple pie?" I rolled my eyes like he didn't get it.  "oh please apple pie IS so common, My Mom baked an apple pie almost everyday I was growing up! In fact lately apple pies have been rotting on the counter, it's more common in my Mom's kitchen then a gallon of milk in yours." It had not accoured to me that my home was on an Apple orchard, But Tony put a hand to his heart as if I  had hurt him with my rant. "Rotting apple pie is just wrong!"
I laughed and sighed "Well come over tonight and see, Apple pie is just a part of the kitchen decor."
He shook his head and I said proudly "My favorite pie is Raspberry!"
He caught my eye with his mocking smile "Why something so common?"

Scortched Strawberry pie

I was in my bedroom when the rich smoke smell greeted me. Like an alarm going off in my head I dropped the clothes I was folding and jumped over the cat laying under my feet. My dog's head pop up from his napping place on the pillows of the bed. "Oh Shit!" was all I mumbled as I flew to the kitchen. It has been said I have a Hound dog's nose, I can smell out the very location of a lost apple core, a tuna can not rinsed or the far back corner of the broom closet where a loose grape is turning raisin. So in my small condo kitchen full of gray smoke filtering out from the oven I could smell the every detail of the fresh strawberries dying. "oh no no no no..what the hell?" I asked myself as I pulled the pie out of the suffocating oven. I looked at my cookbook again and check the temp, check the pie crust and the black paste inside it. "Oh now that's GROSS." I said more to my dog then to myself. He was watching me alarmed by my actions earlier so he followed me, now his floppy ears were up as if to ask me what is wrong. The cat was busy eating again looking at me like she was annoyed by all the smoked. "Well we won't tell anyone about this... okay?" I am always talking to my pets as if they could easily reply. So I toss out the first attempt I ever made of  Strawberry pie.
Now I love baking more then cooking, I often whip up an Apple pie in just a few minuets! But my very first Strawberry pie attempt was dangerous!  I ended up making my own crust, baking it first and cooling it. The cookbook was placed back on the shelf  "Some help you were." I said to it as I went back to my fresh strawberries, I was so relieved to have bought an extra box. The time it takes to wash, cut and slice the strawberries again was made bearable by the delightful radio. Once again I stood at the sink creating the strawberry filling. While all my open windows helped clear the smoke and my pets retreated to another nap, I just sang along to the music thinking Homemaking is just one of those flexible jobs, where nothing is the same, day to day.                                                       
And I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Mastery of LOVE

When I was born it was a January cold winter day in Northern Idaho surrounded by pine trees and the mountains. The snow covered small town of St.Maries was full of the scent of fresh cut lumber from the logging Mill. The moment I drew my first breath, the second my life force thrived...I was seeking LOVE. I was alive as an infant but my journey to understanding the Mystery of life and how Love was the most important desire in us all had JUST begun.
When My father handed me the riffle I instantly started shaking uncontrollably. "Now you have to hold still." He said alarmed watching me stumble. "no." I whimpered I was young maybe 8 or 9 years old but saying No to my Father was like trying to out race a Cop car for you would have to be a real dumb-ass to do so. He set it up under my arm talking me and my Sister through out all the steps. With tears rolling down my cheeks  he kept at it trying to assure me I was safe. But it wasn't my own life I was crying for....
There was not one moment with God's Shining light that came down through the clouds saying "Debby, Go forth and shoot!" At least I was looking for a sign like that out in the windy mountain side. My Dad had put all his empty Dr. Pepper soda cans up as our shooting targets. He seemed so excited,so happy to be teaching us how to shoot, how to hold a heavy rifle. My chest hurt when that scary sound of my rifle went off  I was totally hysterical by this time. My Father never puts up with any panicking, screaming or hysterical was always discussing to him like only stupid people would behave that way. But for this moment I never forgot how nice he was to me, in letting me go sit in the Truck so I could stop crying. He watched me like the freak I felt I was when I held the gun in my hands. As soon as I was alone in the cab watching my younger Sister take to shooting like she was drawing a new picture. I realized I had failed in my first test of "Manhood".....As a Woman, Now I shall master the talent of  Love, since that day so long ago I have never held a gun again. I couldn't live with myself if I took a life, if I disrespected nature, or threaten the beauty of this world. There is a reason why every living being wants to be loved, We need each other.

A True Warrior walks with their hands up, lives with understanding that the real power comes from protecting the world.

"Starting Today help us love ourselves so much that we never setup any circumstances that goes against us. We can live our life being ourselves and not pretending to be someone else just to be accepted by others."

When I discovered unconditional love I was starving for it like some homeless teenager, I was seeking, longing and believing all things were possible. My childhood religion had blossomed in to my own personal quest to seek God and receive that Unconditional Love. When I read about how to master Love I realized the starving need in me came from the deep lack of love I had for myself. Like the example of a kitchen when a person has it stock  full with food then sharing and inviting people to eat with them is so easy. But if the kitchen is empty, desperately hungrily that person with no food will do anything for a bite, for that need to be fulfilled. So the empty kitchen leaves that person living on the terms of other people. In the same way we seek love like food we long to be completed and not left desperately lonely.   When you have love in who you are  it's easy to share, it's so easy to give that extra step towards another person.
When you Master Love, you open the door to a new world, to a new life.
"When we fulfill the needs of our mind and our body, our eyes see with love. We see God everywhere."

For this is the power of LOVE, The world isn't a scary place when you understand that you hold a gift in your own life. You are the beautiful creature like that deer in the forest, the dolphin in the sea or the eagle of the sky. How then could you take your own life? By being apart of what ends the connection? How could we not have hope for all things Bright and Beautiful?
Living with Love is the calling of our soul and the reason we are born. 

"You can only perceive the beauty that lives outside you when you FEEL the beauty that lives inside you."
When I turned 30 years old I realized my love was limited by the conditions I put on other people to understand love. Ironically I had a list of conditions for my Parents in how they should love me. How they should treat me. When I realized this I laughed till I cried because it was right in front my face how I wasn't loving them unconditionally. Now I felt so silly for being a Love warrior when I kept wanting my parents to love me. Now I see Love will always win, my love for my parents has set me free from even their own conditions.

"Just imagine if all the humans could start being truthful with themselves, start forgiving one another and start loving everyone. If  all the humans loved in this way they would no longer be selfish. They would be open to give and receive, They would no longer judge one another."

Life in Lavender

I am always lingering among my lavender bushes, watching the honey bees work happily in the sunshine. As I usually crush a stem of lavender in my fingers while walking my dog outside, I am lost in such happiness, such peace that the smell of the plant gives me.
How many plants can I grow around my bedroom windows?
I thought it would be way to crowded yet they bloom, they scent the evening air with a sigh of relief. My sweet Hubby often says he can smell his favorite flowers just before falling asleep in the cool summer air. I enjoyed when he baked lavender brownies and like a kid he says
"This is WONDERFUL!"
Together we seek out Lavender farms on vacations or drink lavender lemon-aid whenever it's on the menu. Understanding the magical world of lavender is just the beginning into the world of LOVE.