Search This Blog

Sunday, January 31, 2016

This is Fun!

    It has been quite the week of celebrating! I usually complain that winter birthdays never draw much of a crowd against the cold nights least NOT like the parties my husband has in the spring time. Yet every single day this week and weekend I am meeting friends and family for my birthday celebrations! We recently joined into a fundraiser of all you can eat crab legs with my Father-in-law, Kelly and his beautiful wife Teresa whom I love so dearly that I can't get enough of their friendship! We really had a fun night!

    I am left gratefully in awe over celebrating a new age of 37 now (and also seeing new gray hairs pop out around my ears! How AWESOME is that?) 
   On my birthday I rested through the morning having a hot bath, reading and cuddling my pets and then later on I enjoyed a hot tea with my elderly friend Bernice....She said being 37 years old was along time ago for her and I loved listening to her memories over our usual tea time! I kept thinking about what it will be like to be in my 80's as she is now....the world will keep changing and my strength will also lessen by then but I will ALWAYS wear the crab hat singing and dancing away the joy of being alive no matter what!

For this is FUN! growing older and wiser, while embracing what is important to me and above all else being goofy ol' me!

Thursday, January 28, 2016

This is Life

     Oscar and I went out to play Frisbee last week in the sunlight just before Eddie passed away, after 13 years in the family my father-in-law's little black dog said his final goodbye to us all.
The sadness of such loss like that is what makes life full of emotions and connections. 
We don't have as much time as we wish we had with each other, we don't stay in the moment very long as time doesn't keep us as we are....

Oscar and I have been all over this city of trees, we have spent many years in the parks or sit by the river to cuddle and just be.
I think every single night as I kiss him before bed and hold him in the early morning drinking my coffee, these days in this way that we live will sadly all to soon will one day be over. This is life, we live side by side until death keeps us from each other.    

I got Oscar as an energetic puppy who loved his frisbee play time in a fenced  tennis court, I took him out every single day rain or shine! We cuddled in on cold days more often then on good days where we took on a new adventures outside I wanted to wear him out every day so throwing the frisbee was one of his favorite games! I loved being out just last week with him doing the same kind of free off leash running in the safe place of a empty tennis court. He ran his heart out and when he was tired he simply laid down. These days has him not playing endlessly but instead he happily chills out beside me after a couple of long runs to get his well used frisbee. We are older now as he will be 10 years old this fall. I am in awe of our great life together, I am hoping to not miss a single second of the joy he gives me!

This is life that time isn't on pause, that our memories capture the best moments and the whole magical spark for breathing in order to survive the grief, the times of loss and death as they will cycle through our own life force.
I am turning 37 years old today, this morning's sun light is bright and strong greeting me through my cozy living room windows. With my husband cooking breakfast I look around in such gratefulness that my dogs are all laying around happy to just stay home today.
I am happy to be older and wiser but I can see that nothing will last so I will drink in the joy, in the love and laugh whenever I can!

Oscar and I will be, just be for the next few years we still have ahead.

This is life that we live with love and know that death is nothing to fear as we gracefully grow into our peaceful end.

I count it all joy that I got to meet so many amazing dogs in my life time, that I get to be surrounded by all my pets in my wonderful home on my birthday!

Joy to the world for I have loved and lost, and I carry life's great stories within my hurting heart in all those final goodbyes for this is life......

Saturday, January 16, 2016

This is War

Sometimes we have to fight in making things right for this world, sometimes we have to be brave even if we are not ready and sometimes even we have to die before our time to make the change we wish to see in this world! 
Never give up the fight! 
Never stop trying to make this place better then when you were born into it! 
    I will always remember how much this powerful enchanting story of Harry Potter changed my life and how much I owe J.K. Rowling so much gratitude for being brave enough to write these adventures and share these deeply important life lessons for us all to enjoy and to spark up our own personal magical flare! 

In this week's loss of Alan Rickman the joy of Harry Potter comes back to me in such a humbling realization that we can't live forever but we can escape into Hogwarts at any time! 

AND We can choose to keep fighting for the good  and bring about a brave new world!..........................                                   

Friday, January 8, 2016

Moving with gracious gifts


                       In my new home now I sit in awe over the last few months of getting settled in here, It's a beautiful place and it's warm, cozy and clean.........(I have only seen one spider in the basement)
When we moved I was busy, distracted and focused on boxes and things....yet it was never lost on me the kindness, the gifts for our new home that flooded into our new life!
In fact I sit this morning in the winter's sun light drinking coffee thinking about what having joy means and it takes me back over the last few weeks of such gracious gifts that people knew would work great for our new place! I sit this morning realizing I have not bought a single things for my new's miraculous to me in fact to realize this! It makes me smile and feel grateful since every penny goes towards food or utilities right now, my pets and I have everything we would ever want a warm home in the winter's nights, a fenced in backyard and gardens to work in on warm sunny afternoons and room for company to park and visit with us. The world has been magically beautiful this holiday season, I stayed home as much as possible since our car is wearing out and I am never wanting to leave this cozy clean and organized place.
Homemaking is my favorite time of the day, music plays and soup simmers on the stove.....cornbread bakes up and the whole place is cleaned top to bottom,  with cats napping on the big bed in the master bedroom and I fold clothes, with each dog in their favorite bed in the living room I stir the soup and check the crock pot of mulled wine, each room is completed and cozy by the early evening. These many gifts from all my friends from dishes to table clothes, from curtains to tension rods, with picture frames and new chairs I have a real home all completely made from the kindness and excitement of all our family and friends who love our new home too!  This has been an amazingly good move to do, I was afraid at first that my cats would suffer in this change from our old place to the new but they LOVE these trees, gardens and shelters everywhere...they find many fun corners inside to hide or sleep in. Not once has any of them tried to leave to return to the old home just down the road. I remember when we moved into that old place I had to buy so many new things, I had decide to put tons of work and money into the whole place trying to grow a big veggie garden and I took on the care of another cat so our money budget grew in fact looking back we struggled so much for the timing in everything but here in our new layout people swing by all the time bringing something I could use. The gardens are just waiting for me to get out there, my new landlord just gave me a box of seeds and she will come help me learn everything about this place this spring! I love how it all came together, how wonderful it is and how grateful I am for each new piece of furniture, each new dish and each new room that holds my home all together! I count it all joy! and I see how important it is to bless your home and fill it with love then sit back and see all the wonderful things that happens from there........

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Connecting with cautionary care

          Just before Christmas my cousin Trina sent me a message of needing my help to check in on her friend who was recently getting out of jail and had no one to help or support him in the Boise area. 
Her heart is full of love for him as if he was her own boy, (she is always full of such love for the homeless, the hurting and the helpless souls in this world.) So I knew because of how much I love her and how much I feel very capable of being available if this guy reached out to me, then yes I would meet him for her. 
When it comes to having a sense of awareness I feel empowered to be there for someone while never putting myself in danger. This was a fact I shared in a conversation my husband the night before meeting up with him. Trina's friend is really just a kid in many ways, polite, nice and well put together as he focuses on bettering his life now, I could tell his guard was up and his stories were also kept short in details.....I am not one to dig, not one who needs to know. So I just chatted away and listen happily to him....hoping he felt safe with us. 
I love my cousin who loves this guy and now I made a new friend just like that. 
Of course I had him meet me in the coffee shop where my husband was already studying with his friends so that I was not all alone and they could judge if he is a safe guy for me to take out to lunch or not. I had not been worried about it but I could see my husband needed to be involved just a little.... 
We ended up walking the park in the sunny Saturday afternoon, I shared on in our conversation "I have never needed drugs, never needed to find something to escape my life even though I had plenty to justify trying to escape my childhood memories, I realized when I was your age actually that I had no say over my past but I DO have a say about my future. I understand why people escape in all kinds of ways either consumed with their faith in God or with their right and wrongs speeches, it makes sense to find an escape in someway either with drugs, and alcohol or anything that consumes you because it's harder to say "I have no idea what I am doing in this world." He walked and talked with me all afternoon through the park as we playfully found rocks on the benches full of inspirational words. It was amazing to me that these where the words I use to explain why I have a core happiness always within me that no one can take. He seemed impressed by the rocks and moved them around as we walk quickly to stay warm. When we returned to the coffee shop happily friends now, as my husband joked back "Are you guys going to play hop scotch now?" I burst out laughing, going to the park in the cold was just a random idea thinking I wish my cousin Trina had been  with us too, she would of loved it completely seeing her friend again!
 When my husband freaked out the night before worried that I will put myself in great danger of this stranger I assured him that I am not stupid, not clueless nor am I naive anymore. Maybe 10 years ago I would of been like "What's jail like?" "What are drugs? why would you take them?"  "Are you hungry come on over to my home and eat."  But who I am now is much wiser in protecting my home and family while still helping out if I can. 

"The world always looks better after you eat, so it's important to never skip out on good food." I smiled at him as he looked around the crowded cafe he shared "I don't like anyone
being behind me." I nodded saying "I bet, that just being smart and aware of your surroundings. I am always paying attention to what's going on too, but what I see is people helping people." He replied with a smirk "What I see is people trying to get what they can for themselves." I chuckled and nodded right back knowing how we see the world always tells a bit about us when we aren't even aware at times, he could be right too. 
The sunshine afternoon in the park was beautiful we walked fast to stay warm against the snowy path and the rock painted HOPE made me smile because that is what I hold for each and every person in this really does get better if we have hope that it will. 
As we ended the afternoon I said that we should celebrate his birthday coming up and he smiled agreeing that would be nice while my husband cautiously advised that I can't just assume he even liked us and I shouldn't be so trusting. I laughed shaking my head "I wasn't trusting, I was just listening and I feel there's nothing wrong going out to meet someone new who needs a friend and maybe a warm meal in their day, that's all I can do and it's not bad to be that honest." 
My husband said that night "You were very nice to him, while I see worse case scenario I also know you mean well and I just don't want you to be manipulated, I was glad to meet him so I didn't worry over who you were meeting up with and I am glad you have cautionary care but you can't save everyone." I explained with a smile "I am not out to save anyone ever, I am out to be helpful if it's within my ability and sometimes it's not....but this was such a good day! I feel happy that it went so well!"  My husband chuckled back "Well then, maybe so...maybe so."  I suddenly shared my thought "Soooo my next art project is to paint rocks with hope and joy and set them out into my gardens or share at the park too! It was truly magical today to see such messages out in nature....ya never know who you inspired or touch with these words!"  


Friday, January 1, 2016


  It's that time of the year where I feel excited to watch all the year end reviews, all the year ends news specials! The Young Turks do "Hero of the year." and "Jerk of the year." I love how they cover the news in such a real, honest way.

It takes bravery to cover the news against the corporate businesses and the politicians, truth often hurts because it demands us to grow and change. Honesty keeps us on track in who we really are in the world and hope is the simple fact we can always improve ourselves with such knowledge and realize life itself is the educational study for us to figure out as we go. 
And we go into each new year with many hopes of knowing now what we didn't know then, 12 months ago on January 1rst I reflective over my life, realizing I needed a word to keep with me as I lived in through the 4 seasons ahead. That word was BRAVE and I would cling to that word many times over in 365 days.....

Tony was gone for a week in January and I happily stayed home care for our pets, when he came home he was a changed man, a kinder, softer person saying he was sorry for how he left in such a huff. Everything he saw while being away made him realize just how good he has it back home. I told him how important it was for me to hear this, the timing was perfect because through all these issues on our lives was wearing me out! He said "We need to change up our routine in this new year and try to remember how we much love and need each other.....because a week without you was so hard for me!" I giggled and smiled thinking being brave and honest was already making the world better!

As our friend was crying needing help the late spring afternoon Tony and I bravely agree to help her get back on her feet through the summer. It was both challenging and rewarding, we ended up feeling wiser and stronger with a summer full of memories, being brave had pushed me into learning to communicate better and to be in awe of all the good things a busy active life can hold!

Looking back over 2015, being brave in telling my mother we won't be doing Christmas like we had in the past felt difficult at first then very calm in the end. Taking her on a little road trip back In August was being brave because I wasn't sure what it would be like and yet I was ready for anything.....I have always been honest with my mother it's why she would stare at me in shock when I was 15 telling her that true love is better for a marriage then sharing the same faith. Or when she would call me up and I would say "Just traveling through the wine country, I never knew making wine was so detailed!" dead silence through the phone as she changed the subject leaving my 25 year old self to shake my head at how no matter my honesty she reacted in avoidance. In this past year she and I have had many long phone conversations, sometimes late into the evening or mid-morning, the honesty and the quality of our conversations is better then ever before....I always tell her exactly when I can come see her or take her out, for her birthday this past fall we went into Boise from all the way out on her farm to a couple of places she hasn't been to since her stroke. It was a full on busy shopping, strolling along day and I loved being able to do that for her. 4 years before right after her stroke I remember being so afraid of taking her out on my own in case I couldn't catch her if she fell or if she got sick, now being aware of how she gets around and how to be brave is to learn new things like this about each other I am very capable to take her out on my own.

Our big move this year was one of those brave moments in my life, I hadn't even been thinking of moving or finding a better place. I have 3 dogs and 3 cats plus a stray so the idea of pet deposits or first and last rent down seemed stressful to think about. my heart was pounding as I walked through Carol's happy home thinking "BE BRAVE, this is going to be your new home." She smiled so sweetly at me saying "I really want you to live here and I don't care how many pets you have, I know you would be THE perfect person for this place." I was amazed at the freedom she offered and the perfect place she had created to live in so we bravely packed up and now my husband's happier then I have ever seen him! Even bringing his friends over with such pride in hosting and socializing in our new open living room. 
To be Brave is see such good things happen for those you love!

I look back at 2015 impressed by all the little brave moments, all the real big changes and how I am even more focused on 2016 because I feel stronger after being so focused on Bravery for the last 12 months, 
So the word I have chosen for 2016 is JOY.....I am joyful to now look back and see how much I have grown, how much I have learned and how life really does get better!