I would love to fly out into the horizon of this beautiful earth! Be free from sadness and stress. Be happy in the sun light again....... I would love to see the world made a safer place for the next generation....I would like to sing on!
I am tired today. I am very sad of course but I am also focusing all my attention on love and the Army of Good. I am tired of all these mass shootings, they are coming to Idaho like a dark storm out in the horizon and I feel like screaming "JUST STOP!" I am ready for the future now that I know it will be tragic, but time is a cycling thing, I feel like kicking ass of those who cause such sudden deaths. I am tired today. It has been a long stressful sad year, a very emotional holiday season and now a struggling new year of what to do in fixing our society as death find us all very worn out still. I have see myself changing along with everything around me...for good or bad this is how it is...... DO GOOD, BE KIND and Leave the world a better place then when ya found it.
I have been to many funerals in the last 12 months. I have sat in the front row as a slide show displayed my very own family, my dear dear brother Derek. I have heard inspiring groups full of funny stories and bright sunny memories. I have sang really old hymns and laid flowers down on the casket, I have prayed in many group prayers at all times of such great loss and pain. So in all these funerals I have had practice on behavior, on what expect and I always learned something more..... Yet for yesterday it was truly beautiful in all this raw pain of the sudden death of such a beautiful young woman in our lives, now gone forever. I hurt for everyone in her family, I am grateful that I knew her, for she sure made me laugh! She sure made the world a lovely place! Dearest Shawnee Honey, you were loved, thank you for your friendship!
Today is a sad day as we attended the funeral of my friend Shawnee Kimble, I have been in shock all week of her sudden death and beautiful smile gone from my life and how much I will miss her as she was family to my dearest Friends Molly and KJ Shankweiler. They have been through so much since their baby boy was born early and I truly just love them so much! Today will be a very sad day, yet it will be full of love and of friendships that Shawnee leaves behind. ......and She was always happy in the garden so that is how I shall always remember her!
Late last night a friend of mine shared how her brother had just died, while I have been getting ready for another friend's funeral tomorrow and while I have been very reflective over my own life and especially the last 12 months now since my brother Derek died.
People are so strange about death, it's a huge part of me now and I am not afraid to face it at all. I am however afraid the future will be full of more funerals then I can ever imagine, yet I am not afraid to love deeply and meet new people to care about, therefore my social circles roll on and span out before me. This morning has been down time for me in my tears and in my fears, I started out the new year afraid of what these new days will hold......and now I know, each day for good or for bad is going to teach me something as I grow old....as I love on! Nothing will stop me from doing my best every single day that I have left. To death I will greet as an old friend in the end.
Tonight I sit here crying, as I have learned that a friend of mine has died. My heart breaks for her family as she was such a sweetheart with a great sense of humor.......... While I sang this song all day I had not learned yet of this sudden sad death, while her brother and his wife are true friends in my life, they had just been here for dinner as I asked about how she has been doing and now suddenly crazily she is gone forever and my heart breaks, this kind of pain never leave us because we loved her......... Tonight I cry as I think of how she smiled so beautifully, as she made me laugh while I sat beside her and her dog with her sister-in-law and brother the 4 of us were simply relaxing outside together in the summer grass, this was before so many bad things unfolded for us so I will always cherish this memory and many others that now I can't just run up to her and joke around as I usually do........... Tonight I count her life such a gift for the rest of us! Tonight I celebrate the love we have that leaves us all stunned and sad by her death..........