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Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Keiser Report: Trump, Diamond & Silk (E998)

This is why I love Max Keiser so much, he's so brilliantly clever and confident to enjoy his life while bringing so much to think about to his viewers.
I enjoy following this clip, Diamnd & Silk have made me laugh out loud too but it's always Max who makes me smile even more!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Keiser Report: Trumpocalypse (E996)

Well, It sure has been a crazy year on politics and fighting against the North Dakota pipeline. (I sure hope they win against the oil companies) 
What will happen in 2017.....?
I am sure glad to reach the holiday season and start thinking about new things for the new year.

I had to share this beautiful peaceful landscaping episode of Max Keiser in hopes we can all talk much like this today as we get together with family over the dinner table, sharing our traditions and magical holiday celebrations.

Have a wise and wonderful Thanksgiving today!

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Ellie Goulding - Burn

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Life is a Bowl of Questions

It was surprising to me that someone said "I was raised to never talk about politics, religion or money." I smirked back "I thought that was just for strangers or company visiting your home, then as soon as they leave you can get back into those very important subjects....?" They laugh and I add "No I'm being serious, If we don't talk about how to handle money then we'll always struggle in being poor, if we don't challenge religion then we will always live with guilt or the lack of history in where this church system came from....and then of course Politics is vital to our knowledge. If we avoid talking about these 3 very important topics then we sell ourselves short in how to react, in how to vote and change the problems in our world."
I nod with a smile and feel a sense of wonder over how did it ever become an issue to not talk about things that make us uncomfortable or uneasy???? 

Ever since we are born we are asking "WHY?"
(If our parents don't run out of patience for us as we grow up asking "Why? Why? Why?" then they will try to answer as best as they can but if they are not talking about anything real then their answers become stale.)

If I socialize with people who get so worked up and angry, they start yelling in my face for being a socialist hippy I am not uncomfortable, I am not offended at all....maybe because they all remind me of being back home, I grew up in the heat of disagreement  and challenge. To say what you honestly think was a very brave move in a big family of diversity. I saw at the young age of 10 just how crazy it all can be to talk about politics with Grandma crying and the adults shooting facts or fiction like a invisible bebe gun over the long Thanksgiving dinner table. The red face yelling and the calm cold responses of clearly not liking the other's opinions I found myself thinking about everything I heard and learned while watching off to the side, as a 3rd party witnesses I could see through all my love for that family moment in how each person made a great point and had a good idea in all of us wanting the same things for our nation.....I realized back then watching every dramatic moment that in not taking it all so personal allowed me to hear the other side of the coin toss in who is our president. Since I loved all my aunts and uncles, since I enjoyed the play time with my cousins if they had an opinion or thought about money, religion or politics I listened and admired them for being honest in sharing with me.  This is how I have always been, I know what I think or feel but it's not my job to make everyone else see these things in the same light that I do.....yet not talking about any of it out of fear or out of annoyance then something is lost in our humanity and in our personal growth.

it was November 2000 as I was working my cell phone rang, I looked at the caller I.D. surprise and worry it was my father and he only called me if something bad happened so I answered quickly "Dad?" He replied "Today we vote so make sure you are home before 8pm and I'll take you down to vote...for BUSH." I chuckled and replied "But I really like Ralph Nadar." I knew by saying this he would freak out and I laughed even more as he continued "THIS is why I called you! BUSH is who you vote for,,,,Bush, Bush, Bush. If you vote for Nadar you throw away your vote." I smiled as I held mu phone to my ear in the break room "Okay...okay....see ya tonight then." He replied "Tell everyone ya know to vote for BUSH today. bye." 
I shook my head as I hung up and knew I wouldn't do that, I didn't like bullying politics and insisting everyone vote for who I think should win. 
I felt clever to of been teasing my father with my Nadar comment, because we didn't have a friendship at all so to tease or to behave like we were friends was my way of trying to let him know I was different from him without being disrespectful or making him mad.
That very next early morning at work I asked "Whose the President?" the older man sitting next to me everyday gave me the whole run down in what was happening between Gore and Bush. It was all so fascinating  to me as I listened on in many more questions saying back in annoyance "Well of course I vote for the first time in my life and it can't be an easy win...I have to wonder all week what the hell is going on around here? WHO is the President????"

The other day I realized as I was chatting with some friends about the most magical moment in 2008 when Obama won and we all cheered, sprayed out champagne, jumped up and down hugging and crying arm in arm for joy and feeling such new hope in "YES we CAN!"........yes we can change the world, end bullying hate, and stop stupidity by being apart of this whole new system against greed, against manipulation and to focus our nation more on world peace and equal rights to ALL.......
I sighed loudly in remembering, Now THAT was a great celebrating night in November of 2008!
                      I will always cherish that memory, it was a perfect moment in history that I got to be so involve and so passionately aware of politics, every cocktail party, every double date dinner and every social event was full of political conversations, religious debates and wise money tips in how we all can be better off in our society. I loved it all so much because it wasn't brutal, it wasn't trashy and it wasn't limiting our intellect. 

"So you were an Obama fan?"
 I replied back thoughtfully "Not for the 2nd fact I have NEVER voted for a President to take on another 4 years,,,not ever. 
Especially If they can't keep their campaign promises in that first 4 years then what makes us think they will be any better in the next 4 years???" 

Life is always going to be a bowl of questions, we may even find some answers for things we don't like but it's still the quest in being alive that has us asking "WHY?"

To vote or to not vote, to ask questions or to not ask questions, to belong to a religion or to not belong to a religion is our individual choice, if we don't allow discussions on the topics we do not grow, we do not  learn from each other.
To save money or to spend money it's an important choice we make everyday, AND it's a helpful tip to show the next generation how to fix things, how to debate and challenge while remaining respectful and honest.
To understand how things work and how things need to change is be fully focused in this moment right here and now.
Once we get pass the "Us verses THEM." distractions, those who say "I'm going to heaven and you are going to hell." or the "I'm rich and you are poor. because you are lazy and I am not." messages THEN we can get back to supporting our local communities, creating cozy good safe homes for the best life possible in the newest generation to have a better future in creating world peace and putting an end to all abuse.

I like my ideas for the future in understanding that we will always be asking "Can we do better then our parents?" or "Can we fix these problems in our time on earth?"

Maybe it's true, that we will always just be 5 years away from the Utopia that is like a dream world.....

Friday, November 18, 2016

OneRepublic - Preacher [Lyrics]

As generations shift up through the years we are found in our last decade by surprise so often and yet by all the experiences we have lived through while growing up, we know one day we will come to this time in our lives.....the gray hair and wrinkled smile make us realize time isn't stuck in place. 

I can still picture my Papa Rudy drinking his coffee in the small town's cafe with that brown mug in hand he waves us in and moves from his bar stool to the table welcoming us all in to sit with him.

I can see my Grandma Norma carrying a bucket of freshly picked cherries to her kitchen with her head scarf  on as she smiles against the morning sun light showing me how to wash them in the sink.

I can remember my Grandpa Ansil wrapping the hurt paw of our family dog explaining how to keep from getting dirty. He quietly, calmly holds the hurt dog close to him for me to help him in our concern and worry.

My parents are now the grandparents, everything has shifted and I am in awe of how important each generation is in teaching us all something important for the future.....

 I am young, I am old, I am singing my heart out!

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Life is a bowl of Marshmallows

It was June of 2003 when my friends through together a bridal shower for me, the event was held at my future mother-in-law's freshly built perfectly setup patio home. 
That adorable home back then held such good times and such good laughter in wonderful memories. 
My Bridal shower was very stylish, the gifts were all so clever and fun too.
And then there was a game, I sat front and center to everyone joking, laughing and visiting...a circle of women in wisdom and advice made the whole afternoon fly right by! Then there was a game of answering questions about my soon-to-be husband, Tony Shively.

I honestly thought that I had this game in the bag as we began, I was just so sure that I would never have to put a marshmallow in my mouth at all.
As question one was asked; What is his favorite color? I answer with a smirk "Purple." Wrong! it's Green.
I suddenly had a huge marshmallow in my mouth "Wait? wait? What the hell? GREEN??? ....since when....!?!"
What's His favorite movie? I answered quickly "Shawshank Redemption." and they give me another marshmallow 
Wrong again! "It's French Kiss."
 I started to mumble my protest as they ask "What's his favorite song?" Oh thank god for an easy question, I can recover from this I know I can! "Mr. Jones by County Crows." Wrong! It's Lauren Hill's "Killing me softly." I squeal out my protest and confusion, as I now can't really talk with 3 big marshmallows stuck in my mouth......this isn't working out for me after all! in the end I only had one right answer...only one! 
 I couldn't believe it, I kept saying "How could I date someone for 4 years and NOT know these answers to such important questions????" 
When I confronted Tony later on this issue, he seemed so surprised that those answers were used for a game, he even added "I forgot what all my favorite things are....I just answered these questions fast enough to be done with it and to be left alone again." 
I laughed till tears rolled down my cheeks "of course he did." I felt so unnerved by the event  that I had to ask him "Soooooo I DO know who you are after all???? Because I thought I would win that game and it kicked my ass! or YOU kicked my ass I guess, I mean really this wasn't all in my head? I had the right answers after all???" 
He replied back with annoyance "Games like that are stupid, what does it prove in the end? that you shouldn't get married because you don't know each other's favorite color? How dumb, how ridiculous that they embarrassed you like that!" I protested "I wasn't embarrassed, I was surprised! For we SHOULD know these things about each other, it's apart of paying attention to the other person in your life....making sure that what you feel is important is also importnat to your partner." He snorted back  "Oh come on, everyone changes their favorite color or add new movies to their list, to make some one declare an absolute answer is trying control or limit them." I react back "YOU didn't have everyone watching you stuff 9 marshmallows in your mouth! and I KNEW all the right answers! I really did! I kept trying to explain to everyone something was wrong here! My god, so You just decide to go all random and not be "limited" in your nearly choked me to death!" 
I stopped in mid action with my arms up in the air as I had a clear cut thought come to me so I shared it aloud "THIS is exactly what marriage is like, This is the truth of 2 very different always changing people under the same roof trying not to control the answers to any game life throws at ya! I guess we keep it real."
 Tony smiled, nodding his approval "That's my girl!" he said as I rolled my eyes groaning back "I'll never be able to look at a marshmallow the same way's now that symbol of "Wrong answer." with me saying "Ooooh for shit's sake!" in all that sugary slobber!" 

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

American Authors - Best Day Of My Life

As the oven heated up against the windy fall day, as the smell of cooking and baking filled the clean and cozy house I thought about what the best day of my life looks like.....for I have had so many many best days!
Embracing the new changes while still holding onto my homemaking traditions and style in the same way as always ....Perfection is food ready and music playing!

The best day of my life can be when my husband comes home with a smile and a kiss asking "Wow! Everything smells sooooooo GOOD! and YOU look sooooooo GOOD too!"
As we eat dinner, watch TV or just sit to eat and talk my husband says "I don't understand all these women wanting to be skinny or not eating certain things....I am the luckiest man to have THE most beautiful wife who loves to eat, drink and cook just as much as I do!"   I laugh and nod thinking how we are such a happy couple even when we were dirt poor just a couple of years ago, we were still enjoying the same things of home making and good eats. I'm grateful to know that we can make through it even if we have no food for a little while.

The best days of my life are by far more to count then those that were bad......

It's wonderful to see the sunset through my kitchen window to the yummy scent of coconut cake baking as I make this evening so perfect in every way by being home!

As the mulled wine sizzles a bit in the crock pot, as the dogs nap on the couch all together in among pillows and blankets, as a cat naps high on the love seat, as another cat naps in the small pet bed down low and as the other cat pushes up the my back legs meowing and purring I smile, this is a magical perfect group of animals as it all smells so good in the air I sit a bit to hug and kiss my pets and feel lovely all of life is, for this is just another one of the best days of my life
I needed this time to create, to cook and to accomplished.
and to be ever so grateful for every little detail to my life!

Monday, November 14, 2016

The Aftermath

It has been a crazy week, I worked so hard on voting day and I noticed my boss is much older now. She had heart surgery a few months ago and now I am seeing time doesn't stand still even when everything is set up perfectly.....

A new President, a new set of 4 more years and a New winter season heading straight for us......I am left exhausted, emotionally triggered by the tiniest thing.

It's good to be reflective and to take account of one's life and all stages, all the lessons in that life.

The exterior world like politics or religion have never distracted me from my magical homemaking and creation of family.....Yet this week it was been so intense and even made it's way from just being a job to being a big part of me....I was taken by surprise and caught off guard by how wiped out I am!
(I really don't think I could ever do it again, work on election day, trying to get everyone through the voting system in that organized chaos.)
The new guys I was training would say "There has to be a better way in doing this!?!" and I would smile in my training steps for them adding "Yes I have always thought so too.....give it a few more years and all of this will be gone, one click of your phone and you voted, well maybe for the rest of the world, but Idaho is slow in changing or upgrading to anything new, chances are we will be the last state to upgrade our voting system." 
The moments of conflict that I found myself in was a surprise because I am not the boss, yet she needed me to handle things for her. 
Our greeter at the door was a very outgoing nice man who asked me "How many years have you been working on voting day? the reason I ask is that you seem to know your stuff." I smiled and chuckled back answering "Since for 6 years now, and in 2012 it was insane the line never went down and I never had time to grab a bite to eat! So this is a calmer year for a presidential election, I'm glad it's not so bad." He added "Well, It's still early in the day, I bet tonight will be packed out." Sure enough, he was right as the evening had me stamping hundreds of new registration cards.

The next morning I felt like I had been hit by a truck, with a sore throat and slow moving strength, I would burst into tears for what felt like no real reason...."What is wrong with me? I've never cared so deeply about whose president before? I mean I care but I also know I am not in charge of this system? So why am I crying? What am I afraid of? Why does it all feel so crazy out in the world when it's just a another day??? And why can't I get things done around my home again?" I was left to realize this is just the aftermath of everything for the last few months of being so super busy. I was exhausted and I am not use to that feeling, I always have tons of energy, a very sharp aware mind and a happy attitude...usually...this was a crazy stressful week indeed!

I'm rather wiped out, I'm rather surprised by all the crazy reactions from people in this aftermath of the election.

So in this aftermath I am realizing I need to choose the good life in my good home, and let the good people find me there baking up coconut cake and steaming ginger tea!

With blankets of all colors on my couch each dog and cat find their place for peace and warmth, where smell of cooking fills our home and the music plays, we all need good rest.

My husband looked worriedly at me as I cried over my coffee cup while waking up this morning, He sweetly warned me "You need to stay home today and not worry so much, just take care of yourself right now."

The aftermath of such a long week has me dazed and worn out, I'm walking through nature with a slow moving mind seeing such rich colors of fall, thinking to myself how time looks so familiar year after year and season after season that it's hard to realize eventually it all runs out on us!  (of course then I start cry again in thinking about such things)

For it's the end and the beginning to everything that has me wiping away my soft tears, feeling the weight of my feet and the deep sigh in my breath as the world never stops circling and twirling us around, the beauty of the earth shows there more to everything then meets the eye! 

......Yet for what my eye sees it's a beautiful world that we need to slow down and enjoy while we can!

Thursday, November 10, 2016

The Wild Card

I grew up playing the card game "Uno" and the Wild card was a great move to win suddenly and unexpectedly with those you were playing with.
Which got me to think about this past week of our national election, I am still exhausted from working on voting day, I cry very easily and have been surprised by all my emotions and thoughts coming at once over Trump now being President. I have mentioned many times in the facebook world over the last year that I can't believe this guy! He's a true creep-o against women, even kicking babies out of his rallies and always saying racists things. I simply realized his anger, his rude me-first attitude and he's big bullying ways are still not as scary as what Hillary is secretly up to....does anyone really know Hillary like they can clearly know and see Trump? ........then of course I realized last week to myself while walking and thinking as I do so often that of course he will win. And we women will choke on our coffee cup to cough and protest in surprise because we are not being respected in our proper way from him on screen and as we wonder what doors will close to us now, we can take a deep breath as we look to the future knowing this isn't the first time women are seen as less then a man, and since Trump is that man he can say all he wants about women, but we are NOT letting him get any where near us enough to grab a damn thing!

But then again he could be all bark with no bite, and that's again why he wasn't scary enough to a lot of women voters.

It's very easy to see why Hilary didn't win, I almost don't have to say anything to explain.
She should of stepped in the very second that Madeline Albright said "There's a special place in hell for any woman that doesn't vote for Hilary." because in that very second and that crazy shock like our drunk Grandma had just said something to us all over thanksgiving dinner, we stare on in horror and in true insult! 
OH, HELL, NO! Was all I could get out as I watched on....if Hilary had said "Whoa, whoa no I'm sorry ladies....ya know Madeline always passionate. We sure do love her but I am not sending ANYONE to hell...especially my girls in our sisterhood of America, please help me win the white house to see our feminine strength grow into the future together!"  HA! Imagine if she had said that instead, I think when it comes to women my heart glows like the wild flames of a warm firepit, I will always be there protecting my ladies till the day I die.....some women want to be left alone, and some will always try to get what you have but for the heart of most women when we love each other as we are, we are made stronger not sent to hell for being different....

I had no one to vote for in the end.

The world of politics is an emotional roller coaster if you let it dominate your emotions and control your reactions you suffer greatly, we all feel the pain of change and the always there uncertain future....
The world of religion is much the same way in having us identify ourselves as "Us Verse Them>" the battle lines are drawn so instantly and blood is spilled easily some say "IN THE NAME OF GOD." and some say "FOR THE COUNTRY!" the attacks, the killing and the pure rage takes away from anything holy, from anything good. That is what i am seeing in the aftermath of our voting day, and therefore I am not of any religion, not of any political party, I am a wild card using my money, my time and my energy for things that help, care and share a better life with those around me who let me be their friend. 
Because I would never turn away a hungry person at my door step no matter who they voted for, we are all trying to understand the big picture for our nation right now.
When we live with grace, our lives heal and have endless possibilities to the wonder of our breath! 

NO ONE is responsible for my happiness, expect me.
NO ONE can tell me what to do as a command, but I am always open to negotiations.
NO ONE in government can represent me as I will change up my flags whenever I feel it's right for me to do, for with knowledge comes a new awareness of something I might of missed along the way, this why grace is such a wonderful gift to share.....we didn't know yesterday what we learned about today and we will try not to repeat our mistakes along the way.

The card flips onto the table the whole group gasps back in waiting, fear in their eyes and they ask in alarm "What color? What color do you choose?" I smile all clever and witty saying "Well, wouldn't YOU like to know? HA!" They frown holding their hands of Uno cards waiting by my surprise move...they exclaim "Ya have to choose something so the game can move on..." I look back at the wild card on the table looking for perfect in action, I reply in surprise and less cocky this time "OoooooH Right!?!? Yes...what color do I choose indeed???? Hmmmmm......let me think here.....?"

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Jimmy Eat World - The Middle

Lately I've been reminiscing through music, I love how Youtube has everything ever listed and easy to find.
I came across this music video and it was a song that we once had on repeat in my first apartment when I was 22 years old. My 2 roommates were sharing the bigger bedroom as we 3 young ladies sang to this song over and over again....I loved remembering those days from hearing this song again!
We were always having parties like this, HA! at least in my mind's eye it was like this.....I would get crowded in my own place then I would jump in the car and got to a movie or a quiet coffee shop for a break. My most common escape was the Truck Stop at 2am for a cup of coffee and a big greasy breakfast plate for my late dinner, sitting on my own was just as nice as if meeting my friends or boyfriend there. This song triggered those days in my memory, it was NOT an easy time but it was fun to sing together in our underwear in my cozy home with corn bread baking for our cans of soup night just being home.  I would never go back to living with 2 other women, to having so many people coming and going, but being young and trying to survive on a dime was made easier with music that we shared and the fun debates we would challenge each other into the midnight hours with wine coolers and cigarettes.
I loved homemaking even back then, my days off were always cleaning my apartment from top to bottom and baking something, after awhile we had people living in our dinning room or on one of our 3 couches.....I think it's good to look back at the chaos and the youth I had in caring for everyone in my new world of living on my own....This song was one that I sang at the top of my lungs while cleaning or cooking. Realizing I wanted to move on into Boise and move into my adulthood better was triggered from those 2 years of my first place. My first t-shirt with a logo on it was "Jimmy Eat World", I usually stayed away from words on my clothes...but this song was a good stress release, and I will always remember when they played on "The Tonight show with Jay Leno." through the small TV in my dying Grandparents bedroom I stopped in my all night care for them to listen and sing along, realizing how I NEEDED this song so desperately to give me joy and comfort in such a sad time..... 
As I put them to bed, the TV show played on "Jimmy Eat World."  the familiar tune and words I knew by heart reminded me that life goes on and on, cycling through all of us.......AND most importantly there is always going to be MUSIC to help us get through it all!

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

I found you again......

              When I asked my dearest friend Molly over coffee last winter as we reminisced about our shared past, "I wonder what ever happened to Allen Bonnell, I am afraid to ask...." Molly had been sharing all about her upcoming wedding which sparked my question as they were getting married in the beautiful backyard of her parents house right across the street from where Allen and Helen had lived while I grew up cleaning their house once a week. 
She chuckled saying back in wonder to me "I have no idea, and HE was super old when I was little!?! I think I saw him driving by once not to long ago? I thought "WOW! he is STILL alive and he's safe to drive?!? I am not sure if he still lives there now though..." I laughed and nodded thinking about how old Allen was when I first met him "Maybe I should find out what happened to him yet I afraid to really know too, although I feel like if he had passed away I would of heard about it."

Her wedding was unfolding, bursting through the dark green grass as many people gathered around,  with those huge vases of white daisies and the soft sound of the water fountain moving down the rocks behind us I was truly happy for my beautiful friend, for her beautiful day! 
I was grateful for our shared lives and supportive "sisterhood" to each other too, I was in awe to be alive for this moment in time!
Oh how I took it all in, with that joyful celebration in time, full of hugs, smiles and chit chatting, like old times yet even better with so much more to offer in being apart of the future! It made me step back in awe of all things connected for a magical perfect August day!

Then I saw my dear friends, parents of my beloved friend Rebekah of whom I admired and adore growing up, they looked so good as the young grandparents that they are now, and it was in this moment of happiness through hugs and connection that I learned about Allen Bonnell. He was settled into the VA home of Boise only 10 minuets from my own home. 
And I knew in my heart this was the moment I had been waiting for, in true excitement I wrote it all down right after talking to them, because I didn't want to also made me frustrated that the next free day I would have was 2 weeks out, I hate when my life gets busy like that, I still arrived at the VA home to sit awhile with him knowing I need to cancel out some things going on in my life in order to be there more with him in the future.

It had been 14 years, he had re-married and seemed so happy with his new spitfire wife. I had been packing up to move from Caldwell to Boise, He was quick in judgement with me about my choice in getting married and not going to church anymore so we naturally went our own ways, in our last visit I just knew we both had different lives to live. Yet I will always thought of him as my adopted Grandpa. 
I had been good friends with his first wife Helen, whose bad health and elderly age was why they hired me to clean house once a week for them back when I was 12 years old. I will always love them as my own family if not a bit more for they took me out of my crazy home once a week, to spend the whole day with them in cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping, I would help put old pictures in photo albums, dust collectibles, wash windows and mow the yard, I decorated their Christmas tree exactly the way Helen wanted done. I would simply live with them for one whole day each week while I grew up, I would also spend a week in the summer with them camping in their RV or be helping them with food trays at Church camp. They were my friends, not just like grandparents......I spent so much time with them whenever I could!
I even hosted a surprise party for their 4oth anniversary at our church fellowship hall, (It was one of my first big events to decorate with old pictures and buy lots of cake!)
I loved them both so much!
They were a big part of my life while I was growing up.

Cleaning house for them was like entering a magical world for me! It was like an episode from 
 "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood." where I was able to take a walk to the homes next door of families from our shared church! My beloved girl friends Tiffany and Rebekah would join me for that evening walk, young high school girls arm in arm giggling and sharing stories! Sometimes Allen would pick us all up on the road where we walked saying "It's dinner time!" in his always cheerful way then the five of us would enjoy the truck stop foods and banana cream pie! He and Helen would listen to all of us girls talking at once with delight and interest they always made us feel like family whenever we were together!

Maybe it's fact that time holds still for no one, not ever. 

Maybe it's the awe I felt when I heard Allen was still alive, my heart has been feeling an urgency. 

Maybe it's all the flashbacks I am noticing, triggered by reminiscing with Allen once again....lately I have been trying to capture it ALL.....I want to hold time forever still in my mind's eye and embrace the good times even more and more then ever before! I live in wonder of my magical life every single day and looking back I realized how good it was to have Friends like Allen and Helen Bonnell!  They were such a big part of my rescuing, of my ideas in what makes a good marriage and a good life together as friends. I get my sense of time running out and needing to stay focus on what's important to me from having them in my heart always!

Then I remember again something they taught me that I had forgotten; 

          While we ate dinner in their home on Lonkey Lane, the sunset was bright through the windows I shared with them all about my new job, the little dramas and the new little things that I do. 
I was 18 years old knowing that Helen wasn't really there as I talked. she was dying and in the sad eyes of Allen as he listened to my energized stories, I watched her carefully knowing he needed to step away from caring over her. I would talk as if I spoke to them both like it was just any ol' day in our lives, he would come back from a daze while eating and worrying about his wife who wasn't acting quite right all day long he would reply to me as I jabbered on and on in the way I do especially when I am nervous, I like hearing Allen say "If that don't beat all." and "You are smarter then the whole lot of them! Don't forget that!" 
He loved having me there, he kept saying so even as he went out to his shop to change the oil in his car. I tried to get Helen to take a bite of food, I wiped her distant looking face and I knew some how in my aching heart, I just knew this was our last meal with the 3 of us like old times.....
For all years that we spent our Wednesdays or Thursdays together, I knew on this warm bright orange evening it will be the last of us 3.
  For Helen sat in her chair not responding, not really there anymore. Her curly gray hair and thick eye glasses made me feel like she should speak up in her protest or opinions, Allen always teased her and she always teased back in a bit more of spunk that he loved to see! 
I had grown to love and to know word for word what she will say next, so now that she was speaking I missed her repeated stories and memories.   
The evening turned cold instantly as I took an evening walk after doing the dishes in my own tears and thoughts I wanted to get out of the house desperately but then before I hit my usual trail I had a feeling or heard a voice say "Debby stop, don't leave her alone, she is dying right now! Go, go, go,...Now!" As I ran back to her side sliding to my knees by her chair exclaiming "Helen! Helen Honey, I'm here...I'm here, Oooh how I'm going to miss you! and I love you so!" I broke out into song, I didn't know what else to do but sing.
Her hand in mine, she breathed her very last breath as the tears poured down my cheeks I kept singing until the whole song was over.  
Allen stood there behind me listening and crying too, the neighbors all came over after, family and friends, everyone arrived into the long night of activities and tears, as I realized then and there nothing will ever be the same again. I was now an adult, with that "ah ha" moment that being with her was the right decision to make. 

           Last month on the first Thursday of September I walked into the VA home and found Allen Bonnell, I simply pulled up a chair and poured a cup of coffee asking "How are ya'll doing? It's a BEAUTIFUL sunny, warm day out there isn't it?" Allen was almost done with his lunch smiling at me and his eyes grew big as he said "I know you, I know you, don't I?" I nodded and hugged him naturally, sitting calmly, simply sharing with those around the table just how we know each other. I didn't want to be to loud or to excited, I just wanted him to feel at ease with me, because he may not recognize me and I didn't want to upset him at all. 
Allen seemed impressed listening to me as I shared on with a big smile ".....So really Allen and I go WAY back, don't we?" He nodded both in tears and in smiles, "You are Debby Klein, and I DO know you! Isn't that the dickens!...but I might forget who you are too, I do that I forget people I should know." I laughed and nodded "I don't mind if you remember or not, we are friends no matter what! That's all ya have to know right? Or you can also ask me anything, I have a really good memory right now, for we sure had some fun times, didn't we?!?" He shared with me how the last 10 years brought so much change for him....that afternoon reconnecting and laughing together like that, truly made me feel like I could walk on the clouds in the bright blue sky! 

...and so I will go as much as I can now, to just sit beside him in his room or listen to live music. Last Friday we strolled through the rose garden and watched the squirrels play in the fall leaves everywhere....He complained how no one lets him go outside without an assistant saying "Imagine that I have lived this long only to be told I can roll outside whenever I wish to! Well isn't that somethin'???"  I strolled out with him slowly, talking the whole time back and forth as he asked "Is this chair to heavy to push for ya?" I said nope not at all because my mother's chair is much heavier for me and then we were on to topic of what makes a good wheel chair! 

I am in awe of my life connecting once again to him, my dear friend Allen! 
I am so deeply grateful to God and to all the wonders of the world that is our life stories!

In our first meeting he showed me his room with pictures and a few of his favorite things....
   I stated in true delighted joy "I just can't believe that I found ya, thanks to Kathy Zobel for sharing with me where you are now, and really, I don't live that far away so I can pop over any time!"
He replied back with a smirk "Oh yes Kathy is wonderful, her and Ken are the best kind of people! ....and I can't believe I am still alive at 92 years old! Isn't THAT somethin' ???" 
I laughed and hugged him again asking "Didn't your Mom live over 100 years? So you could still have another decade maybe?....I am just so happy that I found you again!"