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Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Constant Adventures!

When I stop to think about it, when I get to sit by the flames of the fire pit or a burning pile of garden trimmings, of broken brush I see into the yellow bright warm flames...I stop to watch them, drawn in like magic for I see my life!
I have been moving my arts and crafts upstairs since our roommate has moved out back at the first of this month, It has taken a lot longer then I had first thought to recreate the new space into a magical girlie room, but it is now officially mine! When I stop to think about it, good sleep and a cozy quiet home has been the main focus in this month for me, it is honestly quite magical for I am ever so thankful for my own home!
It is a constant adventure simply living, learning and growing! For I had sent our roommate off with many hopeful wishes that they will like their new place, and I was hoping they would be very happy together there. Suddenly they were on my mind the other day as I wondered how everything was going for them.....THEN I was pleasantly surprised when they contacted us to come hang out! How awesome is that? I like all my constant adventures in watching life unfold! They have such a lovely home with a new friendly dog and big backyard room for gardens and fire pit! So last night in the spring warm evening hanging out, visiting and catching up with them around fire was magical! While we laughed, drank beer, and talked about gardening I thought how good it was to see them again! How nice of them to invite and open up their new home for us, I liked hearing about all their new plans for the place and simply visiting was delightful! Once again my life is full of connections and possibilities, of good friends and good times!  It really was such an inspiring time and as we went home my husband said "Hard to believe he had just moved out the first of THIS month seems like a long time ago....I also think he's changed having his own space for he was defiantly more out going." I chuckled simply shaking my head at my husband who is usually cynical about these kind of social events. I could tell he seemed relieved that when we had been sitting around the fire all together it wasn't ever awkward. When I stop to think about it as the fire was burning I was delighted to be there! Because last night in the soft glowing light as we chatted, as we sat together visiting, laughing and sharing under that wide open starry sky with our old roommates....we all became new friends!
......and I love, completely love such constant adventures as these!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

The Constant Tunes

Whenever our emotions change and move, whenever I'm alone there is a constant tune I hear either from memory or from the radio playing. I like and live beside music daily.....just like how I live with myself. These human emotions and constant mind moving thoughts come into organization by the sound of music.
I like to joke, to be playful in hearing a word someone will say that belongs in a familiar song.....It's a constant fun thing to do and whenever I did this sorta of thing around my teenaged brothers they will usually just stare at me blankly like I am the odd ball they had always thought me to be. The internet makes finding a constant tune in my head possible so I like to share it and dance to it even grabbing one of my brothers to twirl with me...but again these are my constant tunes in my own head for my brothers are usually annoyed. Whenever I hear a song I think about it in comparison to my own life and memories. THIS makes music a powerful thing, dancing helps release that energy it creates and gives forth such a joyful emotion.
My constant tunes will follow me all through out this life time......I am glad and grateful for them.
I like to sing, to be in my own world. I get looks, I get teased and I get judged but I don't care nor does it ruin my day.....there is always going to be the sound of music that no one can take away. It is personal for me to carry the fire, the hope and love with every musical tune that greets my mornings!

For when I am sad I sing with tears,
For when I am mad I sing with loudness,
For when I am glad I sing with smiles,
For when I am, I sing with all of these...........

Friday, March 22, 2013

The Constant Goodbyes

The older I get the more this happens, life and death cycling over those I know. It won't ever get easier at least not for me in having this happen more often but I can understand and see how it's all apart of our constant goodbyes. My dearest friend Benny came into town from her new job in Chicago, we had a lovely lunch date on Wednesday catching up and hanging out even laughing as life long friends that we are! then Thursday morning her father passed away after fighting cancer. About a year ago I drove Benny to a memorial service of our mutual friend, we talked about how dreading such moments like that are in knowing we have to say goodbye. We come together, we hug and support each other in all these moments knowing there are no words to save the day, lost is lost. Tears are nothing to be ashamed of, but it is the friendships those with common ground and loyal support that makes going through a final goodbye a bit more comfortable. 
With life and death, with all the people you know, it is LOVE that brings us to the core. Suddenly with these experiences adulthood becomes a big part of this whole system.
I know resting peace for those we have to say goodbye is a comforting thought but the process of going through this grief is hard. I personally like to think good thoughts or happy endings for those who died, but in this pain of total separation the reality is a storm of tears.
I woke up yesterday, that Thursday with Benny's father on my mind instantly, I carried him around as I did my chores thinking that because of the day before we had talked about him. Suddenly it all made sense that I had to call her right away, I looked out my kitchen window while on the phone with her realizing these constant goodbyes are all apart of being alive. As I step up to these events I can feel it coming, I can see it clearly for I am here still. I can protect, comfort and listen, I can cry, I can chuckle, I can handle each moment of living on as long as I don't give up hope......Constant goodbyes will always hurt making the moment of right now appreciated even more with a friendly hello....
Remember don't be afraid to have loved and lived, for in avoiding a goodbye you will miss out on such life! 

I was 21 years old excitedly telling a story in mid action with my arms out in my usually long descriptive details John watched me with an amused smiled. He turned to his daughter sitting next to him on the couch "Is she always this lively?" I paused in mid-motion to giggle as Benny nodded at her dad explaining 'We did stop for coffee several times today." I continued still energized "....Then suddenly we realized we were lost! Benny was the first to point this out right? and I had take down all my christian bumper stickers so I could say "This is SHIT!" without giving Jesus a bad rep!" John burst out laughing at my road trip stories while Benny just shook her head with a smirk.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The Constant Question

    When it comes to good health I am very aware how lacking it is in my community....I can simply look at person and know if they are well or healthy (NOT to feed my own ego here but I love this topic, here's to GOOD health Everyone!)
I have been passionately interested in the human body, the human brain and our over all emotional functions. YET in the last 2 years I finally "Clicked on", for the years before that 
"Ah HA!" moment I was struggling to find good health. There is this Constant Question;  
"What are you eating again? You look great!" 
I've lost weight after 30 years in this journey for GOOD HEALTH. A friend of mine stated that she thought I had become a "healer" on a spiritual level along side what we eat. I told her it's all connected what we eat every single day to how we feel tomorrow. It's ALL connected even "genetics" come from what our parents ate while creating us! I see it all now in such honesty, It's rather simple to connect the dots for why bad health is so common. What people eat is like what God they pray to, it's NOT up for debate. Yet here they are sick and sicker, dying young is where we are in all honesty it make me sad AND is why I speak out now. For if you make it to 60 in today's world that is impressive! Chances are you had a surgery or a "Close call" to death by then though. Currently I have noticed that the government and authorities are cracking down on people who claim to know more then their own doctors. LET ME BE CLEAR I am not a healer, not a doctor nor am I Jesus. For Jesus healed and worked miracles in the bible remember? He understood nutrition no doubt! Well even back then his government got him in the end too!
 GOOD HEALTH is like WORLD PEACE to me! 
I can go into details better in person about all of this, I feel like even blogging about it isn't a safe thing to do anymore. I think if we pay attention to what we eat then we conquer sickness and early death. It's a positive outcome simply paying attention and educating your own self. Doctors don't have all the answers nor do they have any real powers in healing. They can be helpful of course but the real over all healing powers are in yourself for it is your own body that you will be living with the rest of your life. Simply by what you eat could be a long lasting life or a short one. 
THE choice for good health is YOURS.....and that is a wonderful discovery!
I love my life! I love my good health! I love learning and knowing now how to eat and how to fight sickness! I feel stronger in my day to last longer, I am alert and peaceful....I follow through all my projects, get the jobs done and still feel very happy! I call myself primal, it's a form of the paleo life style, being primal while still learning info on vitamins and minerals brings me full circle to a basic way of life. I have NEVER been this healthy!
For you are what you eat
Most people think getting sick is beyond themselves, like a humbling experience for thinking they were healthy. I ask a different question "WHAT have you been eating?" THEN you will find how you got sick. It's simple germs are not the enemy for if you have good health germs bounce right off of you. You have to be strong, healthy and know what you eat. In each mineral or vitamin is a "Blue print" to fight off sickness, you are not the victim, YOU are the victor! 
I guess I could get sick if I don't keep a clean home, if I don't open windows or step outside for fresh air. 
I could get sick if I don't get enough sleep or struggle in high stress situations. I could get sick if I ate the kind of food that hold bad bacterias or the food has NO natural value. 
I could get sick if I push my body to work when it wasn't ready or if I put myself around more sick people. 
 Taking my vitamins, eating healthy and resting are all great tips to avoid getting sick. It comes down to a very simple fact that I am NOT afraid of ever being sick anymore! Not afraid or stressed out about it helps me get through a 2nd winter season NOT sick at all! So just like with cancer that fear of things happening to me beyond my control no longer exist! 
Again I am not a doctor (thankgod
I am a basic human full of knowledge, full of magic and most importantly full of good health tips with endless happiness to share!  
My own constant question is "Why didn't I know all of this before? Is it really this GOOD to be alive?"

Monday, March 18, 2013

The Constant Ego

When it comes to the weakest link in my family while growing up, it was the person who was WRONG. 
If you spoke out to make a point or share an idea even if accidentally wrong (AND as a kid speaking while you are trying to learn is all apart of growing up) But in my family it was "target practice" for putting yourself out there to get shot down by everyone else around you. Honestly looking back it was an unhappy environment to live in full of such fear in being wrong.....
You learned quickly to say "I don't know." pretending not to care or not to be interested in what the adults were talking about.
Rather ironic to have this system in place at home when that was the ONLY place we kids could go learn things......
For me, to be educated became a personal choice that once an actually adult I had the power to teach myself and try to stop blaming my parents for how poorly setup I was. Then my ego took over from there, building walls and trying to maintain control over "Knowing it all" was rather a huge defensive mannerism I began to really polish it up too! Finally my boyfriend stated that I have such a hard time in being wrong or owning my mistakes. THAT hit home to me, I began to see my ego created out of fear and how it took over when I needed to be honest or humble.  
I still get flashbacks to the dinner table as a kid, being wrong was usually noticed in that time of the day when my mother forced our father to sit with us over food. His judgement and shameful sermons to us kids being wrong still burns in my throat as I couldn't swallow my dinner from those hot tears silently sliding down my cheeks. FOR Being wrong in my family, in those flashbacks was just as bad as going to hell itself. 
Whenever I speak up among my family NOW, today I can hear the edge in my voice of wanting to be right not wrong, I feel my skin crawl with that "Know-it-all" ego of mine sneaking it way back up in place. It was born and raised in me while among these people, so naturally I battle with it the most during these times....I have to be strong on so many levels in helping my mother or in facing my aged old ego as my family members stay with traditions of winning an argument. 
I can see it in me that constant ego I have been battling my whole life, it goes away when I create my own life story, when I delight in all the good things of time and beauty! When I say out loud over and over again to myself for practice "I'm sorry I was wrong." THIS is huge for me and I like the smile on my face afterwords realizing the sky didn't fall on my head for being wrong or saying it out loud! IN FACT I am JUST fine and even more able to simply BE ME. 
Maybe one day my ego will go off into the ocean waves and never return but for not I push it back with my hand and my honesty...

             When I realized how VERY wrong I was that late late night in my car crying alone so VERY angry even screaming as I gripped the wheel. I sat there in the darkness aware of how wrong I had been for those 22 years of my life, I melted away from my ego while looking up at the stars I calm down saying "I've been wrong, God isn't what I was always told he could I've been so stupid and so wrong?" I sat smiling happily after my outburst in wet tears for I understood that my ego couldn't control me anymore! I was FREE! I was finally such a REAL person with many mistakes and things to be wrong over but it didn't matter anymore the world was a new story for me! I was FREE! I was aware of my constant ego, I was aware of my mistakes and my need to control my life, my honesty and self-image was never going to be the same from this moment and I had found deep joy in simply seeing the fact I was wrong. Over a decade later I would keep this experience close to my heart as the night I broke free from the chains of religion and of my ego....but really I broke free from that fear, that deep sickening fear of being wrong!
How else could I have learn if not for being so very wrong? Knowing my ego can't step in to save me I have to own this. I have to own this for I could be wrong either way!

Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Constant Beauty

When I think of the constant beauty of Idaho, I think of how moving away would be so hard (unless I moved to the coast) I love pine trees and trails just as much as I love the wide open sand. Idaho is so naturally beautiful, I hope it can stay "untouched" in it's beauty....but it AMAZES me that these things we love in nature have to be legislated! Isn't it just COMMON SENSE??? Why are some humans respectful towards the earth while others don't care? Where does this kind of knowledge come from in which we could go either way? I am always wondering if we are born with this compassion from cycling over and over again with our soul or if it's our society, families and friends that shape our decisions? When I see nature I stop and breath for it's beauty can not be put into words...nor do pictures capture the experience until you, yourself can stand there with me and see.....
When I think of the constant beauty of my home, of my own place that I create, I know how truly grateful I am to be alive today!
This constant beauty I call Idaho, this earth I hope to leave better then when I found it. This awe inspiring and refreshing State holds so many places to seek out peace and joy!
Holds so much magical stories and sense of community that every so often national news or abusive coverage gets me feeling down or helpless but when I step out my front door that perspective instantly changes. If I took a drive to go see the Sawtooth Mountains my imagination couldn't capture all it's glory! With pine trees, butterflies and deer that grassy valley brings you to those snowy peaks of such constant beauty! It's a place of romance, of calmness and of lasting thoughts......It's a place simply for your soul to refresh it's self again!

Oh Idaho the true BEAUTY out there!

Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Constant Gardener

Today I was invited to a Garden club! 
I was super excited to meet the new ladies of course. It's true that I have always been a constant gardener, This picture to the right was of my first gardening attempts in my condo, the hanging plant was super hard to keep watered in that heated sun...Oye! do I remember that! But I love trying new things and learning from just going for it all the while waiting and watching to see what happens next...Gardening is magical like that!
 Sharing in this afternoon with these ladies older and wiser in gardening just made my day!
     For making new friends is so inspiring! Talking about gardening is even more so! The ladies were all very nice, I enjoyed listening and laughing for I believe there is this good center of energy and comfort in being among women, especially wise and educated gardeners! I truly do believe that every woman wants a friend and a mentor it just the insecurities of computation that some ladies are much harder to be around then others. So in my Garden Club the rich, vibrant, graceful confidence of these ladies were very refreshing! The comments of my being so young and yet knowing a few things in growing made me smile and chuckle because I've been seeking out such knowledge from back in my  early 20's when in my very first apartment I planted bulbs all along the weedy driveway and the neighbor said while out for a smoke "I've never seen a 22 year old plant anything, or even give a shit." I waved my small hand shovel in the air while replying back "Well I DO!" then I laughed shaking my head.
If I really go back in time my memory holds this constant gardener growing up in me.  Looking back it all makes sense and here I sat today feeling at home in a new garden club!
 Niel Young's song "Heart of Gold" came to mind as well, for I'm searching and seeking out people of depth, of wisdom and of being real. A heart of gold is the best treasure in having a life long friend. 
 (Amazingly easy to find when you know where to look by the way) Like for an example; LOOK for those hearts and souls in a garden as they grow things worth far more then gold!

Monday, March 4, 2013

The Constant Confrontation

A week ago today I hung out with my mother, This isn't as easy as meeting her at the mall anymore. I look back at those times wishing I hadn't complained so much about it....SURE I hate shopping but walking around with my Mom was nice. She searched for clearance racks and got so happy when I actually bought something too. Looking back I knew even then I knew as the mall posters and air fresheners clouded my focus, I would walked from Sears to JCpennys trying not to trip over small screaming kids thinking to myself that it was sad the toy store went out of business now these kids don't have anywhere to go hang out. Standing at registers with my Mom as she asked if I'm hungry she promised my brothers food or ice cream in the courtyard. I would chit chat, follow my mother in hopes to connected and share the exciting things about our lives, wondering what is she up to doing these days.....nothing ever went to deep in talks or reminiscing. I was seeking that kind of connection in my 20s so vibrantly with never came close to such a moment. Once she got so mad at me for saying how lucky she is to know from visiting with her adult children how to be a better parent with these next babies still at home. I really meant well in my honesty, but she took it so wrong. Even those times are gone getting into spats and arguments while shopping. One time she slapped me across the cheek for saying "Friggin" I was stunned, even embarrassed at the age of 27 wondering if I should make scene but found my silence much more comforting. I had my own car keys and no reason to be shopping with her so it was classier to just walk away going back into my beautiful life. The constant confrontation in my family will never go away, they aren't really my family anymore. I look back and think of my parents as they once were in my memory and they are not like that anymore. They both believed in hitting, correcting and following through with punishments raising us kids.....That is quite a bit to carry for such an emotional woman as myself. It explains why I am a fairy tale seeking, rainbow drawing and magical love believing person now. I built a protection to this constant confrontation growing up, now my real family is full of cats and dogs, of love in everything I say and do, of sweet kind peoples that I have found......a person like myself who was hit over a dozen times by my parents before I was even 2 years old will always carry those bag of bones in fearing to not know love, ironic that I DO know so much more about love because of the fear in growing up without it. My frustration now as a grown woman is that this journey of forgiveness is almost never ending, I've kept hoping in the last 5 years that I could forgive and let go of the hurt my parents put upon me. It rather a working progress, I am at peace with all my memories now. They still fire and sting but I am NEVER going back thank God! Those things and emotions are all now memories not the facts in my life for today, how grateful I am to not be stuck in time, to have grown up is to break free of all those things. My hope and joy in life isn't when I think of my parents, it is when I let them go, they rest in peace now of my memories. Who they are today is some kind of mystery that I respectfully allow time for. 
So last week I was there helping my mother, dreaming of summer time and how she could stay in handicap hotel rooms when traveling. I bring what hope I have for her to feel, for her to laugh and smile...those things will slip away easy so I also bring with me all my fairies, my sun light and those deep long breaths in good strength. Just last week my father got us all to meet up for dinner, their youngest son turned 14 and they have been married 34 years so we ate out. It's always a hit and miss in conversations getting confrontational, my sister and I never talk anymore but I will always be polite and nice. In some accidental way one of our brothers called her by my name, then she spatted off angrily as if this was the worse name to be called. The humorous part of my self wanted to hold my hand up in the air as we all ate listening to her vent over the horrors of being called "Debby instead of  Dana" I wanted to hold my hand up and say "Ah yes I am RIGHT HERE...hello, my name isn't all that bad really." Instead I chuckled to myself  very aware of her jabs in anger. She doesn't like me, this is VERY clear but as to why I am not sure. The clues are found in her rant of not liking to be mistaken for me. I would never actually ask her unless I was ready to fight back, it's all rather silly to me in being so dramatic in keeping tabs on what I do or say that is wrong or stupid in her eyes. She has her own family to raise, she cares over our parents better then I do. I know that time will keep moving forward, we will not be stuck in this memory of her flipping out in an identity crisis of accidentally being me for a half a second.....this to shall pass. Confrontation use to terrify me when I was younger and now I can stare it straight in the eye with bravery that I hope to always share!
Only a week ago I drove home thinking about how I missed meeting my mother at the mall before her stroke, and one day I know I will look back and miss these rare family get together as well.....For nothing can last forever, not even being called "Debby" by mistake!

Sunday, March 3, 2013

The Constant Coffee

I was 17 years old when I had my first cup of coffee more like melted "ICE CREAM" a machine made cappuccino  with coffee flavor at a truck stop...Never the less I was hooked on the cozy smell and sugary taste of earthy beans. Then as I grew older my tasted buds matured to loving and craving straight up BLACK coffee. To this day I am very basic in loving my coffee, public places can easily mess up the simple brewing, I will order a latte to avoid the bitter quick way they brew coffee. If it's stale, if it's old or has been sitting in the brew pot all day long I can taste it in my cup instantly. So at a coffee shop more often then not I order a drink they can make freshly....NOT all coffee shops have bad black coffee but I now know which ones do in the Boise area. The creamy heavy breve latte is now my "Safe zone" to public outings. For I love drinking those!
When I was a barista I found foaming milk to be the most therapeutic part of my job! Life is busy in a coffee shop but when you steam and foam milk everything pauses for a second and you take pride in such dense creaminess...Half and Half milk also known as Breve once it is steamed, makes THE best foam and those milk fats created a truly wonderful latte!
I couldn't imagine going back to soy or almond milk again. My breve is one of those events that makes going out from home to get coffee very special.
  My coffee at home is freshly grounded every morning, the french press has been apart of the boiling water in the kettle on the stove but in the last couple of months our new percolator has changed everything! What AMAZING good coffee it makes! Even at the double amount of our french press, I am finding setting it up to be very easy and freeing my stove up for scrambled eggs all the more faster. COFFEE is my very first thing each and every morning to make, the scent fills the home and relaxes me instantly. Often I am woke up by the dogs pouncing on me to go outside and so as I leave the door open they run back forth while I brew coffee with Jazzy the skinny loving cat on my shoulder purring....THIS is why I love to make coffee:-D
Waking up isn't such a struggle for me, not like it had been a decade ago when I ate poorly and kept weird hours. Coffee is the constant step in keeping me moving until all my morning chores are done then I sit down in the living room to whatever podcast my husband is already listening to with a cup of coffee in hand.... 
        There is nothing more comforting to me then that constant coffee while waking up, while feeding the brain a strong balance a warm breakfast and a warm beverage to help face the rest of the day. 
Coffee is the first taste of a happy good day!

Friday, March 1, 2013

The Constant Company

        When it comes to learning some important life lessons, having your own privacy and your own home is one that I will NEVER forget from this year of chaos.
For TODAY is the last day of our roommate situation, he has his own new place and house now, This is exciting! This is so very very good! and most importantly I am glad he looks so happy when coming back for his things, surely he feels proud to honor his girlfriend and their relationship with safe walls of their own.
The importance of being respectful and honorable is made easier in renting your own space. I have learned this to be a real fact on a whole new level now, It didn't turn out like I had hoped at first in having a roommate. Yet all in all over the last few weeks with conversations and connections in knowing they will be moving out, gave us stuff to talk about....there was a new refreshing atmosphere in finally playing games and drinking together, it was nice to finally get to know them. I delighted in learning more of their new home and who they are! but I am not going to miss him at all. Let me be clear, for I like people and enjoying making new friends all the time! but I did not like having a roommate, for he has a different schedule and different ideas for what is important to him. He is a nice guy mind you, but that is fairly all I really know. 
Things so opposite from me on how he isn't focused on cleaning, he can't cook worth shit for smoking out our kitchen was become a daily crazy event. I would have loved to show him how to cook better, yet he wasn't appoarchable like that often he would react to something I was saying as if he knew what I was going to I was a threat to whatever the issue. I noticed it instantly, most young men do this I realize but I didn't take it personal. The things I could chat about or share I did but after awhile I left him to his own space. Never knowing the comings and goings or plans for the week....again NOT how I live but how I learn to respect his style. I decided the long list of my pet peeves is rather my own watchfulness in how I compared myself to him, NOT a healthy way to look at this whole situation I know!  
Yet there are those magical moments like one night a few weeks ago when I was making valentines arts and crafts in the living room my husband made these endless cocktails, suddenly without notice or warning after a few days of not seeing our roommate he is back with his girl sitting among us, (this was made fun by getting drunk of course.) I realized that having constant company keeps me spot on in friendliness and conversations....where as my husband will behave much differently. For if he feels "put upon" he clams up and glares....there is no mistaking his uncomfortableness in having a sudden appearance to our roommate. Perhaps I compensate in being even more out going in hopes to avoid this clear rudeness either way....drinking has been our one outlet for dealing. Everyone has common ground right? So through cocktails there is help in creating friendships, sharing life stories. One of the most amazing moments for me in realizing that our roommate is young and self-focused yet thoughtful if reminded, was when instead of watching "Family Guy" or "Gossip Girl" early the next morning as I woke startled by their laughing in the kitchen feeling my head pound from drinking to much once again, was the sound of the theme song to "Downton Abby" was MAGICAL! For my poor head couldn't handle all the noise of anything else so that beloved show saved me from more pain! "Thank you God, Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I whispered from my bedding in the light gray early morning hour, If my roommate's girlfriend had not been there then such a classy soft sounding tv show would have been replaced for a louder, more silly sitcom. That hour of staying in bed trying to give them private space and trying to calm my pains, trying not judge them for being crazy in waking up so early on the weekend all in all made me think to myself "THERE IS A GOD! and I hope never to drink like that again!"
Being a decade older has it's problems automatically in this situation of our roommate, if one is not sharing common ground in movies or shows then the gap of friendship is hard to jump while living under the same roof. One evening when I arrived home I was impressed that our roommate was watching a documentary of great depth and interesting topics! Excitedly I thought this would be the start in having some kind of common ground, maybe even afterwords in connecting our conversations about this info....maybe...I thought to myself hopeful and aware! BUT then half way through this film he answered his phone stating "Just sitting here bored, watching some dumb documentary....." I gasped from across the room in alarm then became grateful that he leaves suddenly, so I could finish watching the film in peace on my own thinking how sad to not have common ground after all. True to form having constant company keeps me on my toes and ever so watchful in my house coat less I be caught off guard and not dress for all new peoples in my home. My hope and my focus was to remain polite, kind and graceful, yet it sure was challenging! The importance of my peace of mind is the simple fact that I don't think I could EVER have a roommate again....for I realize now as my husband said it every single day through out these months "I'm way to old for this shit" (Sooo I've learned being old isn't all that bad after all as well)
    When our roommate's bathroom light would shine into our sleepy bedroom the sudden brightness had my hubby cussing and complaining instantly, so I tried to cover it up, this small window glass for better privacy and calmness. The genius in me finally pop out after several times in ways that didn't work to when I stuffed it full of yarn! How classy, clever and PERFECT with not one beam of light startling us all awake in those dark cold early winter mornings!
My mother-in-law Jo Anne warned us back in the beginning just like many others actually, about how hard this move would be in joining a roommate. Truth is they were right, I was wrong. I guess I was dreamy in my hopes for a good balance in this odd situation. having a roommate taught me much more then I would have ever thought! Even kept many people at bay, not very many people wanted to be my company when I would invited them over to my new home only to be told "Not while some strange guy could be there..." or "I dunno...sounds weird."  I was left to sadly say "Oh okay...maybe after he moves out then?" wondering how did my home slip from my fingers and could I get it back?
Although it was Mama Jo Anne who said it best "You don't realize how good you have it, until the company NEVER leaves."