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Thursday, February 25, 2016

Thinking about Connections


          It's rather amazing to look at my life from when my husband first decided to go to Law school in 2012, Last night he finished the BAR Exam, we have been planning and talking about this moment every since he first started.
It was crazy how the alarm went off at 6am and I was wide awake for 2 days he had to be there, and I was so nervous, restless and worried so I put all my energy into my home. I deep cleaned that first day, then I cooked up a storm the second day.....each hour I wondered "How is he feeling? How is the testing going?" I began singing, dancing and chanting with all my good blessings and best wishes for him to pass and simply BE a lawyer now.
It's crazy to think it's all coming down to this week..... Everything good and bad from the last few years brought us HERE to this moment in time.
This is the year of family coming together more too I've noticed, This is the year our friends bring new friends into our world! All these relationships are healing and connecting again and again so I am in awe of how far from the beginning we have all come! I am in awe of just so much right now!

How magical it is that I feel in seeing these moments unfold in love and how these connections are coming together and making me stronger for the future!         

The sunset last night was vibrant, warm and cozy as my hubby Tony and I sat in chairs facing it perfectly through the neighborhood trees drinking our first "Dark and Stormys." All the crazy go go stress melted away, for my heart had been racing on 2 days straight! 
He cheers my glass with floating limes "Couldn't of made it without ya Babe. and you have worked so hard on this home and this night." I sat smiling thinking it's ironic that when we first started up law school we were drinking dark and Stormys back then too! Only we were struggling to adapt, struggling to plan ahead or know what to do it all makes sense to simply embrace these connections and new pathways without fear or worry! I am in awe of that sunset so perfect and so warm....I am glad to sit a bit thinking about all my new friends and all my new possibilities for the future

For this is really the Beginning of a new chapter now..............and here we Go!

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Thinking About Sadness

It was a BEAUTIFUL day yesterday, the sunshine was out and the weather was clear chilly and fresh! I was lost in thinking about Sadness as a friend of mine was feeling sick and really sad. I get that way to, it comes on like an ocean wave in which a sad song will help me release this pain into the earth and heal again. I watched a show once about the top 10 sad songs and when R.E.M got first place I cheered and jumped up and down because THIS is the best sad song of my life time! I was in my living room with my life long friend Tiffany and her 4 kiddos who all laughed at me while we were watching saying "You are CHEERING for the top sad song???"  I nodded and said "This is my own most beloved song when I need a good deep cry! and this video is well done while teaching us that we are NOT alone when we are sad! That we have something in common with EVERYONE! So this show captures my own sad song list in such a great way....of course I am going to cheer!"        Yesterday I sat overlooking the amazing mountains of the treasure Valley and I felt bitter-sweet, grateful my life is blooming out into such amazing adventures and  yet I miss the small simple ways I use to live by as well.....
I also miss the dogs of my past, I cling to the dogs of my present and I wonder about the future pets I may obtain because just like with people some friendships can't ever be replace or forgotten....How different I am from a decade ago and how different will I be in the next decade???
.....yet sad songs like THIS simply stay the same! and Cheers to that! We find comfort in what we can already know!

Monday, February 15, 2016

Thinking about Self-Love

                It has been a busy winter in that My husband Tony has been studying for the BAR exam everyday since Thanksgiving.....some days we don't go anywhere all day long but with him distracted and in his own world, I enjoy my own music downstairs as I organize the clothes closet or deep clean the kitchen cupboards.
My pets have been very lazy, cuddly and happy we are all together almost all through this winter. I have been getting the car serviced and updated while taking each pet to the vet for an overall check up. It is nice to start the new Year out on the right foot, I was a bit stressed out last week as my cockier spaniel Minnie had surgery and my miniature schnauzer Oscar had his teeth cleaned, to which they removed 7 teeth! My life of old pets has come full circle to my attention now.......I always said "in 15 or 16 years from now I will have to say goodbye to my baby boy, but not until THEN...." Oscar will be 10 this fall so I am in shock that those years I use to think about are really HERE and NOW, when Eddie passed away the day after my birthday I felt lost in the sadness and the reality of time, like I am loosing my story telling self, my writing self because it never ends the beginning and ending of life forces all around me!
The choices I make right now to slow down, to read my book in bed full of recovering pets makes time stand still only for a life always has stages, has routines and responsibilities. Right now it's about appreciating everything I have. You will not find me trying to race off somewhere, I am not interesting in traveling or seeing the world when my home is so perfect and my pets are so connected to me.
The long phone conversations with the ones I love, or the long soak in a salty bath makes me think about what is changing in me through all these things.....
When I began my research on self-love, I asked "How did I always know that I had self-value? That I practice self-love before I ever really thought about it?" My balance of being, my strengths and identity doesn't come from any other person in my life, especially with my husband who would say that he doesn't make me who I am, he just appreciates who I am. We have been together for such a long time now that this life wouldn't work so well without the other. He enjoys the cats and dogs just as long as he doesn't have to clean up after them. I enjoy staying home far more then he does, we create a balance sharing our lives. Yesterday I made him a candle light dinner from a very low budget and I was so impress it looked perfectly romantic! I feel like I haven't really look at him in such a long time through the stress of studying, and pet care. My husband said "You are always saying how different we are, but I think we are more alike then you want admit. We are alike in the places where it counts." I had to agree as we chatted over dinner I explained "Well in my quest to understand Self Love better, I realize you and I have that inside ourselves. To know what is right or wrong for ourselves, to live with grace and most importantly to live with kindness towards each other."   It was an interesting topic of course, self love. It is about protecting your own value, respecting others in knowing they have value too and being able to say "I need a nap." or "I need to eat, rest or just be alone right now." is very important for self repairs and self focus in gaining strength again to go out into the world. 
When I am healthy and happy my whole life shines with a strong foundation to be there for others, to be there for my pets who need constant care as they grow elderly. When I am sad and sick then I give myself space away from everything to heal. In these dark winter days, I admire this time to withdrawn and reflect....self love is vital to paying attention to my body, my mind and my purpose.
I count it all joy to live through all the seasons, from staying home all day in my PJ's to walking downtown getting all my chores done. From dog sitting for a friend to cooking up a storm for a big party, all in celebration of LOVE this month I am grateful, I am in awe of everything!

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Thinking about Laughter

Last night while in my freshly cleaned neatly made bed I pushed up my pillows against the wall to sit up warming my feet under a circle of cats and dogs, The TV that came with the master bed room is working so nicely that I can watch something with ease as I get ready for bed time.

I love having my own space away from my husband's office and big TV upstairs as he watches what he like or what he needs to for studying. As he came to bed last night I realize it was strange, usually he stays up way late into the night studying for the big BAR exam that all lawyers have to take in order actually BE a lawyer.....He asked "What are you watching?" I looked up at him confusion to see him in my own personal space and time "Frasier." He responded back "Oh I like this show! it's been a long time since I've seen it." I commented back flipping through some of my papers and organizing stuff while it played over head, "Good because I am not changing it for ya." He chuckled and got into bed so early for his usual routine, I explained "It's like watching YOU whenever Frasier speaks!.....and I am more like his Dad as I grow older too I 've noticed." Tony laughed as on the screen Marty Kraine told a funny story about his dog! We both laughed together, it's my most favorite sitcom of ALL time for me, (And I am sure I have mentioned it over the years here on my blog a time or 2...)
Thinking about how good it was to laugh last night while watching it before, when everything was done and clean, when all my dogs and cat were cold and cuddly.
Watching "Frasier." IS like watching my own life unfold, Tony and his family is so identical to these characters that it makes laughing even better!
As Niels Kraine struggles with suddenly having no money or always shares about his wife I am left with tears in my eyes from laughing so hard for how true to life it is with Tony's brother Dusty, for years his wife has been only talked about not actually seen in family events. The world is full of personalities that make this sitcom relate-able to the viewers.
 I am the flannel wearing, dog loving, easily annoyed at the pretentious behavior of Frasier and Niels father Marty Kraine and that is why I get along so well with my own Father-in-law Kelly who loves to just have a beer with his boys on his big patio and visit! Last night Tony was laughing so much at how the show capture his own personality so well and I got thinking that with out laughter, life would be so boring just like without all the different personalities in my family, our times together wouldn't be so fascinating! I think that when we can see ourselves in other people we learn laugh even more for what we are and how we behave! Life is always moving forward learning to do this together makes it even more like a sitcom from time to time!

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Thinking about changing

            I have been saying for over 3 years now that I needed to stretch more and as I try to get into a habit of it in my new home with a gym in the basement I am easily distracted in doing something else time after time..... So this morning I joined into Ericka's yoga class with excitement and determination to actually follow through getting there and just being there only I was left thinking at the end of the wonderful session "Whoa! I need to do some work on myself!" 
    It was shocking to me in suddenly feeling the levels of pain that are hidden in my legs, or the muscles lacking in my core. I am an active person just not good at being balanced and I am not strong in certain places I noticed instantly. With yoga requiring to be both strong and balanced each pose is another level of advance coronation. So it all leaves me thinking I am about to change what I consider "In shape" to be more about what is "In strength."  
Yoga could be the new thing for me to focus on myself in helping and fixing things inside of me, to center my quest for good health both in body and mind, since I have a Gaia Circle coming up to teach "Self-Love." I feel like I just had a very personal experience on what that really means.... 
Letting myself stretch among friends, breath in longer and slowly to focus my being into a position of challenging soreness that slowly goes away as I get better at it or as I move myself in a new way for my brain to remember how, and for my emotions to be released.......I have much needed work to do on myself, this is true! I will allow my "self love" to be about learning something new like yoga, to be better in my own's finally time to change myself up a bit!