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Monday, November 14, 2011

Give Thanks

This weekend has been good for me to reflect on how I worry and how I feel about my family. I was out on my childhood farm this past Friday, all day caring for and loving on my mother. She has been living back home from the hospital almost a month now. I had been waiting upon seeing her when things calmed down and settled into a routine for her. My Father is doing it all, for he has never been one to ask for outside help easily. I have waited for a call if he need my help, but my kind of helpfulness is annoying to him. So in his control and with all of his rules he can stay more organized then to have me pop over all the time getting mom out of routine, while my sister luckily lives only a few minuets away, she helps out everyday and I think that is really wonderful! When I have called my mom to check in with her the noise of her grand kids and her teen aged sons fill the whole background up. I am glad my mother has so many people around her, and she will always be watched over. I had woke up excited to see my mother last Friday morning, the long drive over was beautiful with fall crisp cold air with a pink sky as I drank my coffee down. Once arriving at the cottage on the old farm I greeted my mother "Hey Beautiful!" as she rested on the couch with her white curly hair and big bright blue eyes she saw me n reply "DEBBY! help me up, let's walk over to the Kitchen right now." ...and we did! I was encouraging Mom as she walked like she wanted to really run that I needed to keep up with her for she is so quick with her good foot. I support at all times her left side and never let go of her. When it comes impulsiveness she really does go for it. Her sense of time and waiting on people have changed as well, for what was just a few seconds can seem like minuets or hours to my mom. (These are natural traits of stroke victims) I can see in her this desire to do everything for herself. I love how proud she looks when the occupational therapist has her dress herself and learn tricks to help it be easier on her paralyzed left side. While I was there all day my mother focused in on how easy my car is for her to ride along in, how we still need to go Christmas shopping. Even though I had hope to take her out that afternoon, it didn't work out. I am not really sure why but then when it comes to my mother I am not in charge nor do I have much say in anything. It's rather a tough position to be in, dealing with my strong willed/short tempered family members.....(You would think I had 32 years to know how to approach them by now) I understand them more then they realize, I am not there to take away their responsibility. I am not there to correct or change this situation, and most importantly I don't want to pick a fight. I don't want to make anyone afraid, or annoyed while helping my mom. I hate putting my siblings between the awkwardness of my father and I, If only I had the answers to all these things.....then this wouldn't have be such a dramatic event all the time. It is fundamentally challenging to in understanding one another, my father and I. When he took my mother out for dinner, she was so happy! I was really happy for her too! Now seeing the way everything works for the family is very hard on me. For I would love to share my tips and pointers on how to make somethings better for everyone in general. This is all still new to us, so the new normal takes time to learn. Even though everyone else has tips and pointers for me in visiting with my mother, I wondered how can I be respected as the adult that I am now? I see clearly my baby brothers are all grown men in the same teenaged bodies but their heart and soul have grown old in these past months since their only world, our mother was taken from them, changed in these new ways. I have respect for my sister who is the number one care taker for my mother when our father is at work. (YET one of these days you may find me rolling on the ground with her in such an angry fight, For she is burning like fire and I am splashing like water, we hit up against each other every so often in the wrong way.) If I didn't keep reminding myself of all there is to be Thankful for, of all the miracles in how far my mother has come, how great it is to see her wanting to do her all therapies still. Knowing she is ready for any new adventure, then I would be easily angered too.  I give thanks for the light Mom is teaching us all in how to get along.....

"Wow, Mom your thanksgiving decor is beautiful! it makes this cottage feel cozy like a real home." I exclaimed as I walked over to her corner shelves. In the center was a wooden orange pumpkin saying "GIVE THANKS" and I nodded at it with a smile looking back at my mom as she sat in her wheel chair. "That's the best thing to look at while waking up every morning and facing the new day....." My sister rolled her eyes while looking at her phone sitting next to mom then shot me a deep glare that made me shut up quickly. Mom replied "Some of those things were your Grandmas,  It must make a difference in here because you are not the only one who says that....even the Nurses and Therapists talk about those when they are here too." Mom looked around at the freshly painted cottage with the new carpet and nice light fixtures. Mom sat there thinking in reply "It's amazing how a little bit of decorating can make this place feel more like a home." I smiled happily as I knew in my heart that I was thankful even for this simple conversation. For I give thanks, so much thanks that my mother is here today.

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