Oooh NUTS!

The summer of 1988 I was just 9 years old and remember how happy I was staying a whole week at my Grandparents home in St. Maries Idaho. Grandma Eva kept chocolate milk in stock as her treat to the grand kids. Papa Rudy was known for his famous Ice Cream donuts that he ordered for us at the local cafe named BUDS. So naturally, I was thrilled to be on my own and watching each day unfold with some kind of sugary treat! Now this was a tough week for my mother who never let me out of her sight before, but I felt instantly relaxed in my own space, St. Maries is a small logging town, during this year in time it was full of my extended family. I was home schooled in a tiny trailer house in Meridian Idaho that didn't allow me much room to move about and in fact we would be punished for stepping onto the street. My longing to connect to people, make an honest friend and just see what was a round the corner from my yard made me feel trapped as a kid. In fact I was so tightly sheltered that I didn't know that most 9 year old girls could read. My answer for most everything was God or "It says so in the bible" (I am sure this may have contributed to not having very many friends at the time. BUT I had to learn from somewhere) That magical week up north with my Father's parents made me feel so free and happy! Papa Rudy ran a hardware store in the middle of town and since he had lived in St. Maries most of his life, he knew almost every customer. I loved helping him open on one summer morning, the fact Papa never stopped waving to people driving by or how he smiled warmly to everyone who past him on the sidewalk. I noticed he would start up conversations with just about anyone. I liked that about Papa! Just how conversation flowed from him in any situation. Papa wore dark rimmed eye glasses with his hat, those "Newsboy hats" but all of us grand kids called them "Papa hats" It would feel weird to address Papa as Grandpa, He was a perfect Papa approachable and kind. In Papa's hardware store, he came to life with stories of his own hardworking carpenter days, of his years of experiences. The customer usually had a string of questions over a home project that never stumped Papa. I watched him as he would nod smile thoughtfully and approach the person wisely not being rude in saying the person did it all wrong. I was fascinated and confused by all things hardware, by this other world Papa Rudy lived in. I was taught never to talk to strangers from my mom and that children can be seen but never heard from my dad. I was amazed when I spoke Papa listened, I was happy to see the world wasn't full of crazy mean scary strangers after all. I felt very safe with Papa. I wanted to stay living in this sunny happy place that Papa created in his thoughtful ways, it truly made me never want to return to my own home. Papa handed me a five dollar bill saying "Can you run down and get me a chocolate bar with nuts?" I was terrified by the very thought I would go alone. I was also VERY proud that Papa thought of me being so "Grown-up" to ask me to do this. He winked as I left saying "Don't forget to get yourself somethin' too" I walked worriedly 3 blocks glancing around thinking that if my mom was there she would be freaking out! I stepped inside the gift shop/soda fountain, since I couldn't read I had to go by memory having been there as a small child for ice cream cones. The shop's name started with an M, that is what I remember. I knew most of my letters on an individual level. "So if I am looking for a chocolate bar what does the wrapper look like?" I asked myself, 
(I know that I will remember THIS DAY for the rest of my life.) I was mumbling to myself out loud as I panicked saying to myself "Papa wants nuts in his candy bar, a chocolate candy bar is this wrapper (I touched the Hersey's all chocolate bar) I need one with nuts, NUTS is word with an N at the first part of the name..right? N, N, N, I can't find an N on any of these candy bars?! What am I going to do?" Almost an hour when by as I did my candy bar research without being able to read, I would hold the bars side by side to compare different looks. I was almost in tears by this time I didn't want to fail Papa by bring him the wrong candy bar, although he would have seen my red puff eyes and not care what candy bar he got. I was all alone as I struggled over what to do in wanting, in really wishing I could read! I finally asked the cashier lady carefully trying to hide the fact I couldn't read. I thought I was being so casual by saying "I was wonderin' if I was to buy a chocolate candy bar WITH NUTS which one would be good?" She no doubt saw right through me, I stood there wide eyed watching her every move. "Well the one you are holding has "Almonds." so that would be a good choice." She replied thoughtfully and I froze, suddenly realizing I had been carrying a round the very candy bar I needed! I had to double check quickly asking "Sooooo.. almonds are like nuts?" She chuckled nodding and I quickly bought the candy bar in my hand. I walked back saying over and over to myself "Almonds are nuts, starting an A, N is for nuts..some nuts have different names..like A, A, A, ALMONDS!" Then I burst into tears when Papa Rudy met me at the door of the hardware shop worried over my being gone so long. I realized just how important reading was and that it was going to be up to me to figure it all out somehow. I paused to take a deep breath after crying, Papa was very gentle just letting me cry he didn't yell at me like my father would have. I was so grateful for that! Then I asked Papa over his register counter "So now what is an Almond?" He chuckled braking a piece of his candy bar off for me. I looked it over and tasted it with a shy smile back at my endearing Grandpa. My mind was relaxing, I had been really hard on myself out of fear for being stupid, Then the words Papa Rudy said were simple calmly stated, "You just start with small words like NUTS until you can learn bigger words like ALMONDS. It takes time but wanting to learn is the first step, You will get there." His warm friendly smile greeted me as I wiped my wet cheeks. I thought about what I had learned that day that "Not all nuts start with the letter N."