Singsperation

Growing up living on a Orchard farm, we didn't have very many visitors or even contact with the outside world. Our Grandparents were usually the only adults we saw. It was a very sheltered life being homeschooled by our mother who viewed the public school system as a corrupted, sinful, brain washing organization that the government used to control people. I am surprised at times looking back that I EVER had the "guts" to talk to a stranger after everything I was told from my parents. At first I really wanted to go to school when I saw my older cousins get on a bus, then as I grew older I was terrified of such a place. The one place I left like it was safe, the one building I wanted to live at....was CHURCH. Funny, now it has been 10 years since I have attended church like that. Back in my day it was a wonderful place, Safer then public school and full of my dearest friends! I volunteered for everything as I grew old hoping to be at church just a bit longer and be around people more. The only thing I did NOT like volunteering for was the 5th Sunday night of every month, when my church had an evening service dedicated to just singing. Everyone in the church family could sign up and sing in groups or a solo or just play a musical instrument.It was called a "Singsperation", usually families came together to sing in front of the Congregation in a way that praised God and help us be reflective on our own spiritual soul. When I was 11 years old I remember my very first Singsperation when my beloved friend Tiffany played the piano and afterwords I stood up clapping and cheering after her only to suddenly realize NO ONE was clapping like me, I sat down quickly feeling the heat raise up my cheeks, there were a few chuckles and sympathetic looks. My Mother looked horrified at me and I never forgot that confusion as I had been working so hard to befriend Tiffany and get her to like me. She came up to later after that church service to explain to me that no one claps for the music, it is about honoring and praising God not our own vanity. So the place is stone cold with people watching others preform but they can NEVER response in some kind of reaction other then a confident "Amen". I took note of how people reaction and learned how to join in. Even though I attended that church for 11 straight years I never did like that no one clapped on Singsperation Sunday. But I DID LOVE that service the most! I loved singing camp fires songs in church or choosing my favorite hymns to sing! I loved listening to people sing and always felt like those Sundays were the best to sit with friends and have fun. Shortly after our new baby brother Daren was born in 1992, our mother was inspired by an idea, that HER kids could sing for singsperation! Now usually my mother didn't like attracting ANY attention to herself at church. So on  the day she said to my sister Dana and I that we will sing in front of everyone at church, I couldn't help but laughed out loud! Mom had it all figured out in her mind it was going to be perfect and wonderful. In the look my sister shot me said otherwise. I will always remember THAT conversation!  
Mom continued "I am serious! Dana can play her guitar and all of you kids can sing!" 
I replied "But she has JUST started teaching herself how to play. she isn't very good yet...and what would we sing?" Mom smiled proudly saying "You can sing any number of the songs you already know with Dana's guitar."
Dana snorted rolling her eyes "Debby can't sing." I nodded eagerly in agreement. I had once imagined my singing to be like some famous country star singer only to realize it was truly NOT!  
Mom waved her hand to silence us as she looked through our song records to find one for us to sing. Our brother Derek was thrown in with us as we were told to practice everyday over the month. Derek's voice was changing as he tried to sing and I found myself laughing so hard that tears rolled down my cheeks when he squeaked a musical note. It is one my most favorite memories those sunny afternoons with Dana holding her guitar as Derek and I stand together reading the song words from the same music sheet. Then before long I am falling face first into my sister's leg laughing again as Derek frowns explaining he doesn't want to do this. Our mother won't let him off the hook although Dana said when I started giggling I made our practice time longer. No matter how many times we told our mother we were NOT ready for the big time church service she would just shrug saying back "Practice makes perfect." Dana said there was just no reasoning with her once she made up her mind that HER kids were preforming. When the night came for us to sing, mostly terrified we stood in front of maybe 2oo people not able to stop shaking as we sung, we tried to follow each other's voices. It was such a struggle for me to look up seeing all eyes on me, then I would forget where I was in the song by this distraction. Derek found his safe spot standing behind me as much as he could. He seemed to almost stop singing all together and Dana strumming one cord at a time. She was doing really good for not having ever been shown how to play! I felt sweaty as I sung realizing my voice was the loudest. It was odd for us to be on stage most everyone was paying attention so I kept my eyes on my feet hoping to stay on tune. The song could not end fast enough for us!  We knew we hadn't done very good, we knew we were actually never going to get even close to sounding okay. BUT we still did it! I was proud of that fact mostly that we at least risked it. The important thing to note is that our Mom never asked us to sign up for Singsperation ever again!