In My Being

Sometimes I just want to scream into the face of the universe.

I am worrying for my friends whose little baby boy has been struggling since he was born to make it in this crazy world and last night he went back into the hospital. 
It has been a yo, yo, of healing times being home then suddenly back at the hospital again. He has such a loving supportive family and he has such great devoted loving parents at his side for all time!

I am struggling with the way I thought it would all go in having him born with celebration and great times ahead, he was born 3 months early and spent 99 days in the NICU. So we have all adapted the way in which we think of how he will be, in my being I hurt for them all, it's not fair that such good people have to suffer like this. 

I am realizing all of life is a give and take, no matter how I want to write this story I am not the author. I am not in charge in always creating a happy ending or a good memory.....yet that is my best self when I can capture the great perfections out of so much struggle, being humble or deflated isn't a failure, it's a way of life through all these fears or worries.

I am glad we sat together around the fire pit on memorial day as we are all worn out in the survival struggle of such an adorable contented still healing baby boy in the stroller beside us. He's back in the hospital now so I feel helpless in what he's going through right now...

Sometimes I just want to say "That's it, I have no fucking idea what to do next! I have no words for this! Goddamn it!