The Worse day EVER

It had been a very stressful long day at the hospital on July 27, 2011 and I could tell if I stayed much longer I was going to completely snap. I love my time with my mother no matter what is going on, even if she gets a sponge bath I can stay happily focused on her, keeping eye contact and hoping she feels safe. (I actually have no problem with nakedness actually, especially in the medical world) I love listening to everything she says even when she repeats a hundred times over. I love it all because I know how close we almost lost these moments forever......Yet on this day I was going to snap if I spent one more second around my high strung father. Naturally his whole world is upside down and nothing will ever be the same for him. I realize this every time he speaks and every time he moves, I see him taking each day through his own nightmares....he will never be able to get his life back the same, and so he working through this. I am going to need to learn who my parents are all over again, like I said before the world is changed. When my husband Tony got in the car that evening from his office he worriedly looked at me as my silent tears fell. I mumbled "If my father says that I am braking my mother's heart one more time I am going to completely snap." I explained why my tears soaked into my shirt. Tony sighed helplessly, just as his phone rang and he began to instantly start crying as he talked to his own father on the cell phone while I drove down the road then Tony choked out "Newton died." I knew it was straight to the freeway in the car and on to Caldwell where my mother-in-law Teresa would need us. Sadly Dad was out of town working on a big project and loosing his dog of the last 11 years was a painful sudden shock to us all! We spent the evening digging Newton's grave in the garden and crying. Over a picnic blanket we took breaks to eat and talk about how much we all loved that wonderful dog! I realized at that moment it was possible that I will NEVER stop crying.........With my mother in the hospital, my father on edge and my whole world spinning with the passing of such a good friend like Newton. I was hugging the other dogs around me as I sat saying goodby to Newton. It was during this whole process of digging and laying to rest our family dog that I got updated over how my mother went code. How they almost couldn't save her and for about 5 minuets she was gone. The sudden rush of fear and sadness took me down beyond any place I have EVER been before. When Teresa hugged me I realized I couldn't save my life anymore.......it was simply gone.
That late night driving home I had to see my father and give him a hug after all he went through and even in my dirt covered knees I found him on his lap top talking matter of factually and impersonal. He said it again that I was breaking my mother's heart and I truly did snap.....I flipped out actually. It was a "Come to Jesus" moment that I had been trying to avoid but I was also glad he and I got some things off our chest.  NEVER in my life have I EVER cried that much before, a whole day basically lived in flooding tears and fears......The worse day ever actually.