Family

Have I ever mentioned my big family growing up? How I was surrounded by Aunts, Uncles and Cousins? Along with Grandparents visiting or living close by? (Hahaha oh I have a FEW times..) As a small child I saw such a beautiful family on each side of my parents. I loved the loud, bold, fun laughter of my father's family just as much as I loved the quiet soft conversations of my mother's family. When I was a kid being home schooled allowed me to really notice all my family members as potential friends. I look back now while watching my mother sleep these last few weeks and I realize just how lucky I was, to have such a big family. Each  and every family member taught me something, brought about some part of the world I was lacking from just being sheltered by my parents. After I married I had a hard time not knowing why if my husband has so many cousins  he didn't hang out or call them up to chat? He would just look at me oddly if I asked about it, so I guess not everyone sees family like I do.....In the same way years can change people, miles can really keep family apart.I understand that we each have our own personal relationships, that we treat differently from one another. But I can't help see how important everyone was to me as a kid and now once again as an adult.  Family is that group of people who knows your history and how you got started in this world. They have seen you success or fail. They know when you change or stay the same, family gives us a place of refuge and safety. It can also shred your spirit and take you down, sometimes family was never meant to be. The combinations and history of each personality can make or brake families and maybe now I wonder more about this then I ever did before....when my mother was so close to death I thought about how she IS the one family member to keep us together! As the 6 of us kids share that bond in loving her, we may not share much of anything else but we DO share that! Now when I see any extended family I am in awe that they came and that they are here, the years and grudges grew outside of my childhood until no one was around anymore...I found in my marriage the very best family for me and I wondered how does it come about that relationships dissolve? I hope I can be aware in my own life to not allow bridges to burn, to not settle for less contact with others. I hope I can learn how to always love unconditionally, always honor my history. For I am very proud of each and every one of my family members after going through this crazy time with our mother, I am also very proud of all my extended family coming forward boldly and with such love to be supportive!.....I believe that with each new day is another chance to brake down the walls in seeking for that honest true family.