My Mother

With the fire pit crackling in our new place, My husband and I visited while roasting marshmallows with my Mother-in-law Jo Anne and her husband Roy. It was on the topic of parenting that we were sharing on how you sometimes have to be a parent to your own parents or how Tony growing up didn't follow any of the usual rules in the parenting hand book. Jo Anne shared "I do not know a single mother out there who doesn't have some kind of regret for what they said or did to their kids at one point in life. All mothers every where know they could have been better at that job."  I suddenly pictured my own mother and how I was sure she would have loved to share what motherhood was like for her, I know she wished she could have changed some important moments that we can't EVER get back. I forgave her along time ago for these parenting mistakes that I realize and understand now are really universal, No one is perfect and trying will just wear you out in the end. I know that I have said this on here that I wish I had fought harder for my mother's friendship, I wish I had been stronger in all of my honesty to help better her own life also. I use to think when she pop up at my front door or called saying she was in town looking for a shopping buddy that someday she will be gone from my everyday life and I will miss her so much. So then with all of my hope I would put my best foot forward to have those memories of laughing over a sales rack in a department store. When I got her to sit in a coffee shop over some tea I was THRILLED knowing deep in my heart I would remember and love those times in discussions the rest of my life. I had a such a longing to know and understand my mother outside of all her religious rules and fears, I saw how she could be brave if she would just trust me but even though I kept braking down walls around us, I knew for whatever reason it was the little things I loved about her and the memories that would out last the grudges we created......SO now as she recovers from this life changing stroke I realize how important it is to live with a new clean slate. She is simply my mother.....