Search This Blog

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Match Maker, Match Maker

The moment I turned 18 years old my life shifted, my childhood was gone against my will! I was so clingy to my younger friends, to playing games and being dorky. If I was funny, joking around and choosing to be animated then I felt like I was in control of slowing down my adulthood. I was very much like the "Happy Wanderer." I made friends with every one  in my church. I drifted in and out of people's homes and lives. I loved going out to random restaurants even if I was completely alone. It was with my sense of adventure and confidence that my tennis shoes and jeans didn't keep me from a lovely lunch in a 5 star restaurant. I would sit in moments like this with a calm happiness. If I shared the lunch time with a friend then I was even more happier! I was both ready to grow up and scared to death all at the same time! I noticed instantly the first Sunday I was 18 years old. People changed, they would ask me when I was going to get married too. Hmmmmmmm I thought to myself, I am STILL a KID! Or at least I want to be:-}  Sunday invites to lunch at a family's home where other young single men came made me duck out into a corner annoyed. This happened suddenly ALL the time for awhile until I started declining invites and speaking out against marriage. "Debby Dear, I would like you to meet (Insert single man's name here), He has just started attending our church. This is Debby she is such a sweetheart and loves really truly loves children!" I sighed with a half smile and loose hand shake. Left alone we stood facing each other saying nothing, I had decided not to speak. THIS IS A HUGE SIGN to anyone who knew me as something is wrong with Debby! I can talk the ear of a homeless man I never met until that moment and I knew my way around small talk as calmly as if I were swimming in a pool. I liked deep long discussions or quality of conversations that took an hour just as much as I liked polite small talk, In never took me long to get to know someone, I stood next to this new guy not speaking at all. I wasn't STUPID my age suddenly opened the door for other married women to play "Match Maker"  I would confirm to myself that I did NOT want to grow up, facing so many more moments like these......

"You would make him such a great wife! he needs someone like you! Someone to love him no matter what since he is so bossy." When my friend's mother said this so casually, I rolled my eyes behind her back to my friend. I knew it had begun the race to get Debby married before she turned 19. The only person I know who would fight against this was my father, he would be on the war path to all these match making women in my church. My mother wanted to do "Arranged Marriages", she talked about them all the time! She knew it was impossible by the force my sister Dana and I came at her when she talked about it. Even our father sarcastically said "I don't want to be responsible for the out come of their marriages!" Mom still talked about it as if it was the best way to get married. Mom said once "My father would have married me off to a great guy because he loves me so much, you girls should trust your parents for choosing your husbands because we love you just as much!" Dana and I stared at each other in pure horror and thankfulness that our father shook his head to reassure us it wouldn't happen.  Now at 18 I found that EVERYONE had an idea of my husband! It was so crazy to me that I was just a piece of the game board. These match makers moved me from one lunch event to a group party event all the while acting so surprise when single men showed up too! I must have fooled everyone if they thought that is what I needed.....I asked a friend one time "DO I LOOK so DESPERATE? When will these setup dates END???" She laughed and said "You do play dumb quite a bit, People think they are doing good by helping you met other singles." I sighed sadly because everything was happening around me that I couldn't stop. My beloved friend Tiffany was already married as she laughed at me, while I was telling her how is it was now being 18. "I guess I never had that, everyone knew I was with Devin for so long...But I know you Deb, you will say YES to the first person who asks because you live in such a romantic world!" I snorted loudly and groaned. She then asked about one of the new young men that had joined our church, "He likes you it's so obvious! You guys would be such a cute couple." I stared in shock as I realized that even in the refuge of my close friend marriage was following me around like a dark shadow.
There was many moments when my friends suddenly back out of an event leaving me stand there next the only other single guy who said we could still hang out. I would glare as my friends left me standing there on purpose. If the young man tried to touch I would pull away and be loud in whatever I talked about like I didn't care I was so abandon. It helped me grow up and just be myself, Sometimes it made me down right rude and bold with the pushy single young man. I didn't have a clue how a man's mind worked, so in trying to be nice and not hurtful he would think I liked him when I clearly didn't. I guess it is one of those things you live through to know better the next time how to handle the surprise setup!

"I would NEVER abandon my single girlfriends to the company of awkward seeking single men!" I was still angry over the first time this had happened to me. My bluntness was always my way out of  such moments, as that I refused to share a car or stay as long as I had first planned with only this young man there. If I really wrote down all the moments I was abandon in my life it would explain why I am not afraid anymore to be alone. Why I can walk with myself into any situation without hesitation. 
I explained everything to my friend Joanie, who laughed and giggled as I told her of my crazy awkward setup Sunday afternoon. I never forgot what she said "You need to realize everyone thinks you will not be happy unless you are a mother, they don't care if your husband is smart or nice, they just want you to get married now and settle down......I think it's sad and I know you better then that! But that is where these Match Makers are coming from." I sat down next to her listening and thinking for she was probably right. I declared back "I am NEVER getting married!"  She replied "ME NEITHER!" We both laughed proudly as we sat there wondering if we really wanted to say that......

No comments:

Post a Comment