1 Thing about me

If I could live ANY where, I would choose South America in a heart beat! 
Now I don't know why exactly but ever since I was a small kid looking at the maps I thought of South America looking like a big ice cream cone and so I wanted to go there for no certain reason....
Then as I grew up the many documentaries or actual info about this place made me even more curious. I have come to understand that I would LOVE to live there by simply the stories I've read! 
Life is funny like this, we don't always know why we are led by such interest.
First on my list is to learn Spanish or French, I can't roll my R's so I think understanding both French and Spanish could help me live in South America happily ever after, 
Maybe one day?

Am I very far now?

Guiding

There is such comfort in being connected to other people, to all the animals and especially to the earth. Stones and crystals have an endless amount of information, just like the stars hold such energy and history! It is rather amazing to me in getting to know these things deeper, in feeling connected to all things while understanding how change comes along so fast....my life in all I have learned, in all I have been through reveals a sort of magical feeling inside of me that is guiding me into the future. I have a sense I am not alone, but I am not able to answer why or how can I know this for sure.....I think it is comforting to have hope, to have endless love for all things and simply be connected. At least for the stories I can choose to tell myself, sometimes shit happens that I can not change or make into a better story with my ever so desired "Happy ending" yet I can simply live each day in my own hope and peace of mind. I feel like lately as I have been scanning ahead I have been informed and advised in these guiding ways of the ever so untouchable and magical spiritual world before me! I would love to see only beauty and only things that sparkle in my time but sadness and pain comes to make these choices I make everyday to be a happier, stronger me worth it! I will not be sucked into the self-pity darkness of other side to life....for I am neither a victim or villain, I am a survivor.
I am tear drops in the final goodbyes, I am the laughter on the playground swinging high into the sky, I am the hug and healer when falling down cause my skin to bleed. I am the braveness when danger unfolds and the wise guiding advice when something big is coming, when a storm attacks I know I have been through this before.....I am me in all things, learning and living with such grace that gives me hope into tomorrow!

The Four Seasons of the Earth

               It is a beautiful world to watch change in 4 seasons as all things come and go, it is like butterfly fairies are flying over nature and changing it over to the next magical scenes of a new stage in circle of life, in the four seasons.
   I've been watching all the changes here and there as fall becomes our golden colors and cozy comfort against the soon to be icy cold! Nothing can stay the same. That is all I can grasp as I live my life  thinking how changed I am as well. 
  I started out in the first of June in fresh warm soil, pulling little weeds and setting up water hoses with so many plans ahead, then yesterday I was racking out big weeds and gathering up tools, putting away my pots. 
 Nothing can stay the same long, not even my beloved bright summer sunshine! I embrace this fall with my worn soft sweaters....I am forever changed wishing the fairies would sit awhile before racing to the next season of life.

Aquarius Birthstones part 2

  Aquarius/Amethyst 

Gemstone meaning

Crystalline quartz in shades of purple, lilac or mauve is called amethyst, a stone traditionally worn to guard against drunkenness and to instill a sober mind. The word amethyst comes from the Greek meaning "without drunkenness" and amethyst is believed to protect one from poison.

Power Stone

It is used as a dream stone and to help insomnia. Put an amethyst under your pillow to bring about pleasant dreams, or rub it across your forehead to offer relief from a headache.

Protection Stone

Ancient Egyptians used the amethyst guard against guilty and fearful feelings. It has been worn as protection from self-deception, as well as a protection against witchcraft. The amethyst has long been used to open the spiritual and psychic centers, making it one of the power stones. It is also used as a meditation aid when worn as a necklace.

Wisdom Stone

The amethyst is known as the Bishop's Stone and is still worn by Catholic Bishops. The amethyst symbolizes piety, humility, sincerity and spiritual wisdom. It is thought the amethyst is the perfect stone to symbolize The Age of Aquarius.

Healing properties of Amethyst

Amethyst is a gemstone often worn by healers, as it has the power to focus energy. A healer will usually wear several pieces of jewelry with amethysts set in silver, especially an amethyst necklace. The person to be healed will have an Amethyst to hold while the healing is being done. The healer will place another piece of Amethyst on the area of the body in need of healing, the heart or lungs usually.
Amethyst is used for problems in the blood and in breathing problems. Amethyst crystal clusters are used to keep the air and life force in the home clean and positive.
Amethyst clusters, points or several tumbled Amethysts placed in a window that receives sun most of the day are very beneficial to use in healing and to heal negativity in the home. Place Amethyst clusters, points or several tumbled Amethysts in moonlight and everyone in the home will be feeling calmer. Using an Amethyst as a meditation focus will increase the positive spiritual feelings. Amethyst helps overcome fears and cravings. It also helps relieve headaches.

Aquarius Birthstones part 1

                                                                  Aquarius/Garnet

Metaphysical:

• Friendship / Fellowship:  This stone makes you very attractive to other people by bringing out your best qualities.  Many people new in recovery  experience loneliness as they change "People, Places, and Things".  Many need to form new friendships and associations.  This stone can help attract new friends, who will be attracted to you for who you really are.
• Isolation: Many people in Recovery have been loners all their life, often  isolated and feeling misunderstood.  This stone will help to attract like-minded people to you.
• Balance.  It provides a stable, balanced connection between the physical, the spiritual, and the nervous system. It both monitors and adjusts the flow of energy, providing for a balanced energy field around the physical body, and aligning the emotional, and the intellectual bodies with the perfect vibration of a  Higher Power.

Garnet is the stone of passion and courage. Stimulates devotion to your family, your friends, yourself, and your purpose or goals . Garnet will stimulate the senses, and increase your vitality and stamina.
Very good for career success, encouraging business relationships by increasing your popularity and stimulating other peoples desire to work with you, especially for women.
Helps to become motivated and productive, and attracts good luck in business ventures. The Garnet is known as the stone for a successful business and makes a wonderful executive gem, particularly for women.   This is a great stone to give your boss, or to give yourself if you would like to advance in your career.
Stimulates life force,  (and negates stubbornness).

• Spiritual: Helps to stabilize the connection between the spiritual and the physical. Brings spirituality to relationships. Helps in the transition from romantic love to a deeper spiritual commitment to each other.
• Friendship and Relationships: This stone enhances charisma, making you very emotionally and physically attractive to other people because it brings out all your assets.
• Sparks Creativity: Enhances and Awakens the "inner fire" of creativity. Can help get the creative juices flowing if they feel "blocked".
• Luck: Garnets are lucky stones: lucky for love, lucky for success, and lucky for goals.
• Business: Helps us become more motivated, productive and achievement oriented.
• Protection: Noted for its powerful protective energy. Carried by ancient soldiers for protection . The stone was set in shields, buckles, and other items worn by Crusaders.
• Romantic: A passionate gemstone that inspires love and mutual attraction. Enhances libido (physical desire) as well as balances the wearer's sexual energy (drive).

Careers:
Creativity:  Artists, Writers,

All things are connected

                         

    There is a magical world of stones and crystals hidden all over this earth, these riches can bring out the good in all of the earth's energy or create a deadly sense of greed in self-superiority of obtaining them.
There is something to behold looking into the heart of any jewel, and holding all the different types of stones in your own hand. I am a temperature reacting person, I am connected to all of my emotional reactions and warning voice in my head. It's not possible for me to chat daily with those who have died, instead I see them when I fall asleep and connect the dots later on in my life over what they said or meant to me. Seeking out the wonders of the stars and how we are born under them is to what jewel describes us so perfectly and to what share energies we all have with others also born in our time. I like to see the mystery and open the door to new information. The Zodiac signs tell the exact stories in the bible word for word in some cases, the bible started out being the first step into spiritual guidance back in my young life and now I can respect it better as I grow older.
I chose a stone the other day of a whim, then later realized I am ALWAYS going to lean first to red then purple (As my choices in comforting colors) 
Lately all things green in the stores has me reaching for them in curiosity and this could mean I need a fresh start, a new growth of color in my life to let go of the past. 
However my Red Jasper that I purchased was comforting me in my hand, it's a nurturing mothering stone and I'm drawn to it's beauty, drawn to the idea I can now be nurturing to others as well.....
There is magical world of knowledge in stones, I am delighted to keep learning more and more about them not just admiring from a far!
We all have stories and connections following our time alive for such energy can create AMAZING beauty or sad destruction.......it comes from what we know and how we feel in the end.

2 Things about me

First thing about me is; 
   That I don't use make-up, don't like it mostly, but also I put coconut oil after each shower finding my skin to grow healthier then ever before so no need to put fake colors on my eyes YET I do collect a rainbow of colors in finger nail polish! It's fun and colorful to have decorated nails!
I also love the summer time heat to show off all my painted "little Piggies" while wearing sandals. For I simply feel more girlie in all my nail polish choices!

Second thing about me is;
 I look forward to my monthly massages, it is a time to rest, to calm my breathing and simply think about my body's energy and balance. I often feel like a massage is like "Downloading all of the body's data" much like a computer turning it off to cool down or to refocus, helps keep all the connections sharp. I have been surprised by the shooting pain in my legs or feet that never seemed to bother me before until the massage worked out those hidden pains. Once everything is released from the session to work again.  This is my magical healing time to rest with soft music, in my creamy skin against the soft tall bed with the smell of lavender in the air!

Scanning

It was a magical evening, where it's late into the night while also warm outside. I had been planning my whole day for this "Get away, Girls time" with one of my most sweetest friends ever, Molly! It was downtown Boise Idaho where street lights sparkled and the outside patio musician played on their guitar. What I have always enjoyed  about this capital city is the sense of smaller communities within the large area. Taking my friend out for cocktails made me deeply reflective, grateful and all around relaxed. We walked around the downtown blocks window browsing and staying close together in the populated areas. I have always been one to scan ahead sense inside of me if we should continuing walking down that street in the midnight hour or not. I've never been afraid of approaching men with their questions once I understood why they were asking these random questions. Now I see them in all due respect, letting them know I am not their type nor am I one to play games for a free drink. Now they are not failures in my eyes for everyone is a potential friend.  I am instead choosing the depths of my relationships and what times I will stay out late or not. Scanning ahead in my life I see that this is a good time to be alive, to be heading into slowing down with gray hair one day. For I can always dance and sing no matter my age, Right now I have noticed that I can stay out late once in awhile and feel very strong in my center core to be able to handle anything that will arrive, I can be young, (but I am not that young) and I can be old, (but I am not that old)

My wise old self is scanning in this month, my youthful side is off playing around meeting up with friends knowing soon a deep change is coming maybe with my Mom, maybe with just life in general yet I know something is coming towards me like these thunder storms I need to get ready and be prepared. So I have been sitting back most evenings feeling like I've been through one hell of a summer.......now it's time to repair myself and put all of the pieces of me back together again. Scanning is exactly that, taking the time right now to stop and get ready for the next trial or trauma. Maybe because I have been through such things I am now "On guard"???
And so as I sat on the patio in that lovely clear night with my beautiful classy friend I thought to myself "This is a good time in my life to live, an age that can live with come what may..."
I'm finding this month is good for me in scanning I can relax a bit, it is teaching me how to cultivate both sides of my brain, how to be both young and old and how to heal!

The Scarecrow

When it comes to a commercial that gives me such Chills, I usually watch it over and over again to discover all the layers of information and purpose. My cousin Henry sent this to my facebook wall and I almost burst into tears at the sight of those cows eyes! 
Also I am deathly afraid of crows so that seems PERFECT they are evil beings and this greed I've thinking about lately surfaces again!
Everything is so amazingly connected, THIS commercial is so BEAUTIFUL, and so RAW. It brings up so many social issues and the manipulation of those more powerful. Our quality of life depends on if we can see this message before it's to late, before we die young from such processed foods. In the last few years I have had so many friends die so young, no one over 60 actually, even my own mother had stroke that left her paralyzed and blind before she was 55. THESE numbers are REAL, the pain is so amazing to me in how all of this is coming full circle! I am becoming the scarecrow with an endless sad face, I hold the secret for hope and good health out in my own hands whispering to others "Please, please listen to me....today is the day to change and be made healthy again!" I don't want to be all alone in my old age, yet if I live far away from the norm of society I have already made that choice. In my arms all of nature will have a good life, will be my companions. If I don't get sick this winter that will mark 3 years straight and I know why, I know how and I feel like it's time to speak up a bit louder and say "Please stop eating all this shit those evil crows are making!" I wish for every soul to live fully long into this history!

...and to share in my PURE IMAGINATION

Anonymous

           Anonymous is a mask of secrets, a hidden group in society that makes it a point to fight back and give way to judgement on the powers that be.
It amazes me that nothing ever really changes from history into the future.....
Secret societies have agendas and policies, plans in motion. Always.
They also have rules and reasons as to why they are apart of such a big secret.
I am often fascinated by such peoples.

It's a wonder to me of all the people in this huge world, that someone, somewhere, is apart of something big or something secret. The first time I watched "V for Vendetta" this mask sent that clear statement of both bravery and rebellion, I was so inspired!
 I suppose now seeing this mask everywhere in most protesters and marching groups, we want to have such a revolution, a fight for freedom's rights yet we've all been here before, time and again there are secret battles. It feels endless really, even though I enjoy those familiar faces all sharing a common goal to fight or stand up for what they think is right. It's the cycle of seasons, the rise and fall of governments, the most common of all these battles is the people verse greed. That makes it much harder to blame who is right or wrong when each individual has this battling inside of them, greed is the desire of things to obtain and brag up the human ego. There is not one of us safe from such a spiritual fight inside us. When we choose sides in a war, we feel like or believe deeply that we picked the right side to fight for.....When we lead others to safety or to create a new society the power of control and order grows. When we struggle over right and wrong we want to be so sure and so confident in knowing the differences that we loose the mystery in just being alive. I want to be Anonymous, with nothing to prove over who I am.....These struggles of my own ego wear me out! I have learned when I decide "No more feeding my ego." I feel instantly proud that I can even see that I have an ego! So the ego feeds off of me again!!! It is a endless battle like that against greed over ALL of the world too! Because we carry the potential to suddenly be very greedy inside each and every one of us. We carry the ego as it tell us how important we are, how beautiful we are and how we SHOULD be respected. What I want is to break free of all the social norms and requirements to survive, I want to just BE. 
Life is often throwing me on the side of a victim or a villain, I am often battling through all my alerts and alarms in what is a government's ideal roll or what is the call of the people to do??? Why does one have to always be right or wrong? I want to Anonymous, really that means no one will remember my name.

AND that is quite alright with me, it's like a peaceful lake where I go to sit and breath again, letting go of the endless struggles outside and in. Someone else can try to answer all of those nagging questions, someone else can save the world. I've been letting my ego get in the way of finding myself one of those Amazing looking masks!

I Believe - A 9/11 Tribute

Sometimes it's hard to remember such a historic sad fearful moment, when everyone says "Never Forget" on this date year after year I wonder what do they mean?
because we hurt when we remember, AND we have done this very same thing to many other countries. I feel America is only beginning to realize as a hugely consuming nation we can't live in this greedy way forever, what happens to us is no different to what can happen to another country. We are simply like everyone else who wants food, water and shelter. We are like the rest of the whole world who also love their families and try to make sense of faith, of right and wrong.....
Sometimes I feel like deep down world peace is a nice dream that can't ever be reached....like heaven it might not even be a real thing to ever have existed.
I believe LOVE is by far the only energy that heal or fix these problems.....Today only 12 years ago we saw such an event of crazy drama unfold, the healing stories of how love helped out and people came to each others rescue are the ones I will "Never Forget" but I will like to avoid thinking about how all our nation's secrets and evil actions brought about this life changing event. It was such a sad day to know instantly in my heart and soul that America was getting their pay back in such a horrible way, it's not right for the innocent loved ones to suffer they are not playing this game of thrones, of strong countries and deep wealth. For the rest of us alive to live in fear or worry to what end will all of this come about.....it is not right. This memory will go into history and eventually will be understood from the whole picture of another generation who studies it better and with all the facts. I can only feel my way through to even begin to understand why.....as is with all of life, we are not meant to know our own fate, our own life story. From our nation's sadness, struggling with our shame and owning up to the blame, this date can be remember in creating a new story of love, hope and kindness for you never know when you will live through something like this again......SO be brave and be there for the people around you, Evil men have no power over LOVE.

With Grace in Your Heart

        There is that magical moment when I meet a dog, Because in their eyes I see that spark, the evidence  of another living soul before me. 
Just because a dog can't say words in my own language, I can still hear them. They feel, they need and they trust, dogs have to form packs much like forming a family because they need a place of safety in this big confusing world.
There is comfort for me in looking into a dog's eyes, you can tell so much in a fleeting moment. I am in awe over the fact that I am not alone when it's just me and my dog!

There is comfort to me in chatting away my life stories to my best buddy on his four furry legs walking along side me. The sound of my voice is his guide to calm down or stay alert, he can't tell me such details of his own life but for his world THIS moment is where he is living. 
He only cares about right now, about staying loyal, surviving unto the next day and getting the job before him finished before bed. Where as I was wander back in time through my memories as we walk and talk. I plan ahead for the next day or week, I feel my emotions rolling around inside of me before I decide to calm down and simply BE in this moment of right now with my dog.
There is a place I go that is so beautiful, so full of love when I meet a dog. When I see that spark in their eyes and feel their sweeping tales, touch their fur and lean into their fuzzy ears. I feel the question inside me grow as I meet a new dog asking...
                 "Who are You?" 
There is a connection for me in that I was meant to meet, to protect and help.
There is a strength in me that also comes alive when meeting a dog, it is called "The Pack Leader" when I come on the scene of these dogs lives I am now in a roll of authority, of respect and of seeking the greater good for every single soul surrounding me.
    I am the pack leader who gets the big picture and the job requirements setup for everyone in the group. Most dogs do not want this 24 hour job title, when I come on the scene with the promise to protect and care for them the behavior problems usually melt away and the dog naps on my lap so grateful over how I am the watchful guard.
I have watched alpha dogs loose their cool, loose their calm confidence then the rest of the pack will stop trusting that leader over the crazy moment. So I vowed when my puppy came into my life that I would no longer let my temper win over for displays of craziness or out of control emotions. There are a pair of dog's magical sparkling eyes on me, I better live up to the job at hand. Being the pack leader I have learned to always think of others first, to make sure food never runs out, water is always fresh and the safety of my backyard is where I go to stand still watching over everything. I don't fill my tongue with empty commands, I don't try to control where the dog will go and I know if I need them with me then I must be the one to go to them and bring them back into my home.
I enjoy my life in this position and responsibility, never putting a time frame on how fast my dog should be trained, or how long he could nap.
As the pack leader I only say my command once then wait to see if the dog heard me, then if need be I get right up on my dog looking him in the eye again to see if he understood my command, there is no anger EVER, there is no offense, there is no punishment, there is no need to prove ANYTHING for 
I AM the strong calm confident leader. Hopefully if my dogs like me then they will return, they will want to listen and they calmly follow through. 
So they nap on my pillow, they snuggle in my arms, they lay on my feet and they come when I call.  I will remember my full time job in caring over them, always!

 My heart is so full, my words are always said with Love and I am grateful, to meet a new dog with grace in their hearts.

Let her go....

                  TODAY would have been my best friend's birthday, hard to believe she is really gone sometimes.....I saw her kids and her husband a few times last month thinking for a second in my mind "Where's Benny?" THIS would have been a moment in time, in greetings that she would have hugged me and chuckled over how I was dressed or what I was doing.....
Benny would have directed her kids around then teased her husband that she was going off to hang out with me, for our "girls only" times of long deep conversations, of family drama updates and inner soul searching topics. When I was with my best friend I often thought happily to myself "THIS is what Sisterhood should be like!" and so now she is gone, all summer I have struggled in how to move forward without carrying on over my own sad story! Sometimes I feel so very alone in a crowd of friends, in a group event....Benny was such a part of my everyday life. I am not balanced yet in finding my feet again, I am not ever going to be the same after this June....Today I can send her many birthday wishes and learn to let her go....
TODAY would have been Benny's birthday so I swish my magic wand across the sky in pure celebration of her sweet life! May she know how she was loved, may she know how much I miss her!

100 %

My husband began with a clear cut statement that got my mind rolling on the topic once again, He said "I couldn't live with someone who was 100% happy all the time, it would be so annoying!" I mumbled back "I use to be 100% happy all the time." He glanced over at me nodding in amused agreement saying "AND you were very obnoxious I remember!" I chuckled shaking my head at him as I explained back "WELL I would LOVE to live with someone who was 100% happy! It's impossible to last but it would be really nice to just BE HAPPY all around!" my husband shrugged saying back at me "It's not healthy to let anything be 100% of your emotions, it's good to balance everything and know how life may have it's ups and downs but you can be the same. Like my 23% happiness right now, keeps me calm and steady." I snorted back in my laughter "AGAIN with that 23%!?!"
I was left to my own thoughts over how I can remember being 100% happy, it was very possible for me to obtain I remember like it was yesterday! ......and maybe it was!

Oscar and I were walking on that warm morning in soft glowing sun light, he was my new puppy and I was impressed by all of nature surrounding us yet so close to the city, this was Ann Morrison Park in the spring of 2007 facing Boise Idaho comfortably hugged by the amazing foothills. I saw birds flew by and dark trees move in the fresh air breeze. I heard ducks splashing in the pound and I saw magic everywhere for I was 100% happy!
I drank my black coffee and held the long black leash of my energized puppy as we walked for miles across green fields to edge of the Boise River. We strolled by the library, the college and turned around again. We sat on a bench watching a garden snake head back into the cat tales of the small creek that took us all the way back around to our car. This was how most mornings were in my life after getting a new puppy, this is why I believe no one can make us happier then loving a dog!
Those magical scenes in my young life were of how I had found my saving grace and deep purpose for my soul, I had all the happiness I ever knew possible! 

Sometime seeking out a percentage of how happy you could be is wasting the precious time of right now when you might possibly could be simply....HAPPY!

20 %

It was raining as the car drove down the street to my cozy warm cottage, My best friend Benny and her husband Matt were driving me home from such a fun afternoon hanging out. I liked relaxing in the back seat I am always the main driver so it was fun to look around my fairly new neighborhood. I said to my very close friends "So I guess Tony is only at 20 % of being happy right now...." They burst out laughing for a good 5 minuets together. As is in so many stories of my husband such deep laughter follows. I chuckled while explaining "It is rather odd to me that ANYONE would put a % sign to such an emotion as happiness! Leave it to Tony to come up with that!" Benny wiped the laughter tears from her eyes asking "Why in the world would he pick only 20 %!?!?" Matt was still laughing as he listened commenting "Oh that guy! That guy is always so funny!" I smiled explaining "So the other night our pets are sleeping, the house is warm and cozy I made peppermint hot tea by our chairs as we were reading our own books in the soft glowing lamp along with fuzzy sweaters and blankets everyone was in for the night so he says "I'm really only 20 % right now." I am like coming back out of reading my book in our perfect peaceful home with a questioning look at him. I ask Tony who seems ready to talk for awhile "20 % of what are you?" He sets his book down and sips his tea....MIND YOU the house is PERFECT looking, even the animals are deeply asleep! We had dinner and now we are relaxing over our books! He says "I am only 20 % happy right now." I freaked out at him explaining "What the hell!?!?!? we live in such an amazing place! we have such well trained lazy dogs and a kitchen full of food? With blankets and pillows, a paid off car and a 5 minuet drive to your office? How could you NOT be 100% happy ALL the time!?!?!?" Benny added "He has YOU in his life everyday HELLO....that alone should have him 110% happy!" I chuckled shaking my head "He explained how all those things were nice but not what makes him happy, He wants to be something, have a career and know a trait. He wants to not owe any one any money at all and have nice things. which I said is all well and fine but happiness comes to you from your state of mind and the story you tell yourself." Matt and Benny were still chuckling as we parked in front of my adorable little cottage and I continued "The way Tony adds up happiness % is super confusing! Right now he is only 20% happy but if I make his usual cocktail so when he walks in the door from work he can sit down and relax, he then says "Oh wow thanks Babe I am now at 25 %." Benny and Matt burst out laughing again as I waved my hands up in the air "I am living in a percentage world right now! Everything is 5 to 10 % more or less in our conversations! He just says things like "still 20 %" or "Maybe reaching 30%" I am like Oooookay..........How the hell can anyone put a % on

happiness?!?!" Benny hugged me goodbye explaining "Apparently Tony has discovered his own charting system." Then Matt burst out laughing as they drove away I felt the rain on my face thinking this 20 % of being happy makes me even a bit more happy just thinking about it!

Last night my husband said to me in the darkness of night "I am at the 22 or 23% mark in happiness right now." I groaned into my pillow then laughed for at least 10 minuets if Benny is looking down from heaven then she just burst out laughing along side me!

The Good Wife

When it comes to understanding what being a wife means I

am grateful for the last 10 years of practice. At the beginning of this summer my husband got into playing pool regularly with his friends. On one particular late night as I was waiting around for him to return and fire up the BBQ. The evening turn into late night as i reach his friend's house where my husband was passed out white as a ghost. I hovered over him thinking to myself "Why can't he just look normal for hell sakes!" He had left for work earlier that morning bright red from his Niacin flush and now at 10 o'clock at night his is pure white. His friends later on told me I sounded exactly like Camellia Soprano in my demanding wifely role "TONY! Hey wake up! it's time to be home, you are being rude not visiting with your friends....TONY wake up, sit up." I knew he had drank to much on an empty stomach....happens to all of us. (Of course for myself in this situation I would have eaten a big juicy steak saying "Well if we are making cocktails I better eat up first! HA!")
A good wife, well she sees the big picture at all times......
Learning to actually BE a good wife THAT is where I am living right now. Getting into my "Camellia Soprano" voice happens all to easily. Demanding just like her in all those drama episodes to make something better out of her husband. In my own personal experience I also let go of what is NOT mine to change in my husband, this comes with a sense of I am NOT him and He is NOT me therefore who we are and what we say comes of our own responsibility. Asking from my husband a very small list of requests like "Let talk it out." or "What is going on in your world?" This allows him time to download all he is thinking about, I have learned when I am writing in the mornings he is wanting to just drink coffee and talk, so I change my routine for time on my own to write. Marriage is a give and take as everyone says, BUT it is much more instead of keeping score of who is put upon more then the other, it is about paying attention in a respectful manner. My husband can easily tell what is important to me, always stepping up to support me when I say "I need your help right now." There are NO mind games with me, I will ask for your help if I need it, for I have no shame! I will state it very clearly if I am mad at my husband so that he never has to second guess, he never has to think that in 6 months from now I will have a "Sit down" of grievances. It is handle right now or never brought up again, something I have learned along the way in simply being a wife. I also think that family discussions help in trusted groups, in opening up and wondering if our marriage functions normally or not....in most public settings I would never dream of making my spouse look bad, yet in private explaining how I felt about the whole situation or if there is need for correction on how I saw it. The private rebuke goes a long ways then if in public, especially in trusting each other to have your back. Perhaps since Tony and I started out as friends from the beginning of our love story that allows us to keep striving for the same page. Growing up together, seeing each others life stories unfold and also praising each other for a life well lived gives us a strong foundation. I am not proclaiming to have all the answers here, I can still feel my voice change when I am strained carrying that low "TONY." like in "The Sopranos" I just think there are a few steps every wife can do to let go of creating an ideal marriage and simply enjoying the friendship!

I walked in out of the rain racing over to my husband office full of co-workers, they all turned to me as I approached "Hey Debby what does marriage mean to you?" I didn't pause or blink I replied instantly "It's living with someone who calls you out on your shit." The group burst out laughing and I regained my focus realizing I had such a fast answer for that, it must be a question I had asked of myself already! I recapped quickly through their laughter "Well, I mean it's not always about accountability, there is a friendship, romance, laughter and yet the real life stuff gets in the way sometimes..." I knew it was one of those moments I couldn't try to answer again in a more articulate way! 

Ask it Everyday

3 Things about me

When my husband said "There are 3 things about you that you look for in every home." I chuckled back at him shaking my head knowing he was probably right!
This past July we spent a few weeks by the ocean in a cottage with our dogs. One of the most magical times in my whole life and yet one of the saddest because I was in the midst of grieving for my best friend. Looking back I can see how it helped heal me and get away from everything else in my life.  The first step into the home I comment "Where are all the hooks? What kind of a home doesn't have a single hook in it?" My husband burst out laughing at me as though hooks were the sign of a good place.
When my husband and I drank hard lemon aid on our patio, our dog Minnie was trying to eat the newly ripen Tomatoes in front of us so I comment "I need to fence that off from her or she'll clean the whole plant!" My husband burst out laughing again.
 When I organized my husband's office for his returning law school classes I commented "I need some book shelves here and then fun book shelves up here on this wall with a soft study chair then it would be a PERFECT study room!" My husband chuckled shaking his head at me explaining "You have 3 things that are always coming up again and again as your idea of a perfect looking home!" I replied back "WELL it's all apart of my creativity, I always build UP not OUT." My husband listed these 3 things saying "SO if any home has these things you are impressed instantly! I think it's cute is all!"

HOOKS; I think it's classy to never let anything fall to the floor, even used clothes should be put in the hamper or on a hook. Hooks are AMAZING! You have decorate a wall instantly with all your sweaters or hats or scarfs...Hooks help organize a small pace. Even with side by side hooks there is less space wasted, I like how high you can put hooks when shelving would have been out of place there.

FENCES; Life is made easy with fences for all the animals and for the garden to have something to grow up on. I love little cute fencing to all the big wall private sizes. It is important to me once i discovered the wonders of a good fence that I won't go back to wide open land when watching or training dogs. A fence inside another fence has been a design I drew up for my perfect setup in gardening and living with animals. My husband likes to make fun of me for this often but in my mind's eye it's a perfect calm safe place, my beautiful fence!

BOOK SHELVES; My world was changed forever when I bought my first bookshelf, suddenly up the wall in organized fashion all my things were displayed. I was sharing a bedroom with my sister so that book shelf opened up my floor space and I loved it all so much! Even a vase of fresh flowers with a few books titled against it made me so very proud of my own small space growing up.

 These 3 things about me are some of my favorite hobby times. Life moves on quickly so to racing through the home to hang a shirt or toss the purse on the book shelf and let the dogs out on their own in the fenced in backyard as I change to go back out again, I think to myself these hooks, those book shelves and that fence makes my life so wonderfully peaceful EVEN when really busy.
And that's what is very important to me, making my life beautiful even in chaos or craziness!