My Hiding Place

I had a place that I went to sit in the dark away from the crowds at church.  A corner in the classroom in the back hall where I sat and prayed. I sat there all alone often to calm myself down, or think about my life in the last week. I usually left this hidden place feeling better and inspired again! I usually went to this private place to let my tears fall unnoticed and ready myself for another week away from church, I hated not being at church. It was hard on a social person like myself to wait a whole week in between visiting with my friends, being home schooled through those high school years was some of the worse most loneliest days of my life! I loved the peaceful quiet darkness where I sobbed and begged God to save from my life and my struggles with my parents. I will be honest in this hidden oasis where no one knew where I was, I wished to simply fall a sleep into death reentering that beautiful place they promise me was HEAVEN. Maybe it was all the fighting at home, My sister with my father, my mother with my sister and my parents against each other. My only saving grace was church and the promise of life after death. If I hadn't visited my hiding place at church in awhile I knew I was doing better, not so beaten down or depressed. Like a roller coaster my emotions and hormones kept my teenaged years up and down. In my prayer corner or meditation time I healed myself. I let myself just be me, in the moments after I left I would feel healthy again to be happy and take on the world! I also liked walking around church on my own, the long halls in the back of church within those walls and that orange carpet I felt safe and at home. It was more then just a building to me, I knew it very well. It held my friends and gave me someone to socialize with! I looked forward to our teenaged volleyball teams and our soft ball diamond home runs. Our soccer and football games, as I could kick the ball hard enough most kids ducked to the ground to not get hit by it. I loved putting fresh flowers in my hair outside int he flower bed talking with my girlie friends. It was a sense of community for me that I loved my church so much. If I could have stayed every Sunday all day long I would have! My own family changed at church and everything seemed almost perfect to me. I remember all those many hours laughing and talking out in potlucks and picnics. I was a lover of people, and a believer in God. In my escape and hidden corner I would pray for all these people I knew and all these memories I held. Through out my life I have created many hiding places, where I go to heal and balance myself again. Now I see the whole world as my family and friends! I have a certain peace at now controlling my home life and seeing God in all things! In my heart that very first hiding place was where I began to grow and let go of my fears. I can still remember my lacy skirt resting over my ankles as I bent forward to pray in the cool dark room I asked God to give me the strength to be brave and move forward into the future!