Sibling Slight

Now it's no secret if you know me that I have a sister, often people are surprised by just how extremely different my sister and I are. We grew up only a year and half apart, our mother dressed us like twins until we protested in our later teenaged years. I have a millions memories with my sister at my side. I even remember how introducing my boyfriend to her I liked how she said "Welcome to the family brother-in-law." Tony stared on in surprise as my sister Dana announced "My Sister wouldn't give you the time of day if she hasn't already thought she could marry you." Tony laughed back and nodded at me as I just shrugged giggling. 

There are things my sister knows about me, there are ways she can describe me that are spot on. But then there is also this extreme judgement from her, a snappy sharp way she speaks to me and I realize her perception of me is completely off. Yet as sisters or as siblings in general, we get a sense of entitlement to correct each other. We have this idea of approaching one another in true honesty. So just like when we were kids growing together, doing stupid stuff and all. Our relationships don't have the same rules as in society when meeting strangers. My sister and I have never been very close, we have never been even similar in personality. I often explain to people who ask that my sister and I are like the sun and the moon, for we live in 2 different worlds completely.

Now there are always 2 sides to every story, I usually can get the second side of the story with my sister or my father from some kind of blow up fight. They both have to come to this point of screaming in finally let go of whatever is eating away at them. Usually my behavior towards them has been building in their minds so when they let go, I am surprised but glad to realize the rest of the story.....

My husband Tony noticed the other day when we had a family BBQ that my sister did every rude and bitchy thing towards me she could. I just thought to myself at the time  "Well, it's been almost a year now with her behavior like this.....wonder how much longer she be this way?" I don't even blink in surprise anymore as she speaks to me like I am the stupidest human alive, AND I don't have to stand up for myself anymore. When I visit with our mother or say something around her that my sister doesn't agree with then you can notice more how frustrated my sister is towards me. My sister thinks sharing our life stories, events and what is new to our mother makes Mom get ideas that she can do those same things too, when really she can't......I get it now. I have grown up in the last 12 months since Mom's stroke that fighting with my sister won't help anything although I do remember this last winter saying to my mom as I set her down in her wheel chair right after my sister had spatted out some mean words at me then slammed the door of the cottage, "You know Mom I just wanted to warn you that one day soon when you see your 2 daughters screaming and rolling over each other in the driveway out that window, you don't have to be worried I KNOW exactly what I am doing and just couldn't take it anymore." My mother snorted back at me as my 13 year old brother burst out laughing from overhearing me. I just grinned at them thinking it would be funny to see no doubt! Now I know my mother is loved, she is cared for and enjoys her cottage so I don't need to be in her life the way that I use to think. I usually only cause drama by showing up happily taking her out for My sister and I will never see eye to eye over the care or conversation with our surviving mother, I don't think it is even my place anymore to try. That is the part of growing up I have gone through this year. Trying to bring rainbows and butterflies into my mother's sight, trying to always have hope and laughter at the ready isn't bettering anyone's time when it is not wanted. My Mother knows that I can be her friend, I can be there for her whenever she asks but I don't need to bother everyone else anymore. Most importantly it is better to NOT fight with my sister right now as well.....We all can work out our differences for the better of others in the end. It's not a sad story, it not a finished story either! It is what it is. My sister and I will eventually have nothing in common in time, we will shift our lives and our time into different things. We were never meant to be the same, we were never meant to stay on each others elbows like when we were kids.

When I was working in the mall at the coffee shop a few years ago my sister came in shouting angrily at me. For she didn't have all day to wait around for me to get off work. When she walked away with our mother who was trying quiet her down, they were shopping some more. My manager said to me after having watched the whole scene. "Shively, you can leave early if it helps.....for that's some sister of yours." I chuckled as I replied back in a shrug "Well, It is what it is." My manager high fived me in the air with a kind smile and I didn't feel so embarrassed anymore.

As we drove that hour back home in the late night I steady the wheel reflecting over the nice time with my family when My husband suddenly asked "What are you going to do about your sister? She is getting really mean!" I chuckled again and just shook my head "I'm going to do nothing. I can handle it...." I shrugged saying once again "It really IS what it is. My sister and I were never friends, we are just family."