One year ago

While I was moving, I stopped surprised that this one picture from my old calendar of which I had saved because it reminded me of my father-in-law Kelly's two miniature schnauzers, Newton and Eddie. This picture is PERFECT with both dogs running off leash along the ocean line. A true moment I have lived in and loved! I remember running along side all 3 dogs, Newt, Edison and my Oscar along that Oregon coast on Christmas morning in 2010. That bright, beautiful clear day was magical in what is usually rainy season! The three dogs and I ran so hard, so long and fast in the bright warm sun light then returned back again to the family group for champagne with our tongues hanging out and also I was laughing so much!!! (YES I let my tongue hang out like the dogs too!) hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 
What a great day and memory, so I saved this picture from that calender I had gotten that day as a gift later on....It hung in my old bedroom and now it hangs in my new place.

While I was moving I stopped by surprise for on the otherside of this picture was One year ago......the month of JULY full of such trauma. Now it faced me once again the very same calendar dates......."WHAT ARE THE CHANCES!?!" I exclaimed showing my surprised husband in the other room. "LOOK! it's all on here, everything as I wrote it back then even with my drawn hearts and smiles! I forgot how well organized on the calender I was! UNTIL July 18th, then suddenly everything is in a black Sharpe marker crossing out the rest of my life!?!?" My husband replied "Once again you are creeping me out! You and all these connections to the spiritual world...I swear, this is both awesome and disturbing at the same time. If you had known it was saving last July putting up this picture on your wall, what would you have done?" I snorted quickly and confidently explaining "I would have just photo copied this picture then threw away this month instantly! I mean if I had known back then but now I like looking at it as if to remind me of who I was and how I am now!" My husband nodded back "Then that is why you were not to notice it until now, LIKE I SAID you have such creepy connections!" He moved away from me with a smirk of true wonder and I chuckled holding this picture in my hand. How reflective this had all made me as I read over it again, I haven't been keeping a good calender since! AND I realized that I liked my goofy, silly, animated self back then as I decorated my life, my calender before the month had come to a sudden end. Now the last part of this month is VERY dark with even some drawn tears, I can see all my earlier plans canceled. Like my big bbq inviting my parents and whole family over to our new place! Shopping date for my sister's daughter that I was actually really excited to be apart of, even wanting to go shopping! It was all so odd to me that I had those desires to be with my family when I never liked shopping like that before, I never had the room in my other home to entertain everyone at once so now I was VERY excited over all these plans that were blacked out actually. I just sat awhile looking over the story of a traumatic month, a year ago today the 18th of July in the year of our lord 2011 was when my mother's stroke shocked us all and sent us all spiraling out of our normal lives! I am forever changed, I am forever made aware and feel like I can't ever go back to who I was. I actually don't want to return to my silliness, I just want to be stronger and wiser. I want to have peace again and laugh endlessly......like when the dogs and me ran the ocean waves! Like when the sun light warmed my soul to a full on big smile and I danced around! I want that moment back again it is WHY I save this picture and put it up proudly on my wall in the first place! FOR I HAVE BEEN THERE and will return again one day.......Pulling me closer to love!