It wasn't very long ago, (maybe 2 years now) when a lady asked me for my help as I loaded up my car with
The cold winter's morning was chilly and everyone around us was focused on the soon to arrived Thanksgiving.
She asked for a little help in getting gas money, even 5 dollars would help her out.
It was so sudden and so embarrassing to me as I burst into heavy tears, I so surprised by the crazy amount of water covering my face turning into stiff frozen ice crystals.
Now she was a motherly woman who hugged me as I cried in my response to her, I explained in a chuckle as I wiped my face over and over "I wish I could help you, and I would in a heart beat, BUT I just had to put some food back because I didn't have any more money in the bank.....I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to cry like this, that really surprised me!" She leaned back smiling so sweetly "Ooooh Honey, Honey it'll get better....not every Holiday season can be perfect, You are so sweet...hush now, I can go ask someone else....no problem."
I sat in the car taking a deep breath and counting all my blessings as I so often do but this time my blessings were really me counting down all my survival things to begin the cold winter ahead. I was very alarmed by my limitations.
Thinking over to myself for a moment "Why did I cry suddenly?.......I mean, where in the hell did THAT outburst come from????"
My awareness of how I believe in the Holiday spirit, the goodness of giving and gratefulness, that no stranger is ever denied what little bit I can do for them, so I cried because this was the first time I had to say "No." to helping someone after having just spent my last money on barely the things I wanted to have to cook. I cried because I felt so helpless, I realized that I was one of "the needy" and it shocked me.
For my ego was bruised.
I have never been afraid of being poor, but to not be able to help someone else, really upset me that day.
Suddenly I had a lot of soul searching in how could I still make the holidays good?
In truth my ego and my pride were very strong, fighting me back into humble grace, such a battle was needed.
In the end, I was never going to be the same person.
I learned so much that year, my creative mind was working over time and not one single thing was lost in my use!
In fact I had an ugly Christmas sweater contest in which I took one of my red sweaters all plain with nothing on it and safety pinned my own Christmas decor to it, I was so proud of that sweater! It Looked pure crazy!
To my delight and our great need it won first place for a gift card that fed us over Christmas and I was THRILLED! I am grateful in that story of wonder and magic, for making the sweater cost me nothing since I had nothing, and from being uncertain over what tomorrow will bring I won some money to feed us! My husband was truly impressed that I pulled it off.
There's a whole new world out there! We can change our ways and our mindset at any time, we can put our egos in their place and choose to be simply happy over the magic wisps that lead us down a new pathway for our lives....
I pause to think to myself "Soooo a real tree is 30 dollars, a fake tree is 50 dollars??? What should I do?" I pause a moment to think and then I smile to myself, for I have some extra hangers and lights at home already!
....and this is another year I need to budget wisely, (of course I don't know how to live any other way, it's old hat really, no worries! )
I step into my home against the cold with a wink and a nod I raise my magic wand to create another year in sparkling wonderland!!!
Merry Christmas and remember to just have Fun this month!