Stubborn Death

"So I will be there the 21rst to the 3rd...when I can see you? or better yet just come back with me on the 3rd to Chicago!" Benny said as I chuckled  in my reply back as I folded the clothes on the bed "I'll just come over this weekend and help ya when you know what's going on, or what you may need to pack? You know we really should sit and just talk over a beer maybe......OR we'll make it a girls night and hit Jackpot while I'm out there too!! hahaha" She chuckled back and I said a casual bye because when you are such close friends, chatting on the phone, texting or facebook messages are simple like this......you will always stay connected so why the long drawn out goodbyes? Instead her friendship was apart of my everyday life even if the miles kept us apart.....
I was so use to always instantly calling her, to all our long late night phone conversations about life, death and happiness. To my quick text simple questions or to our long FB messages, to our many many jokes, to our 15 years of memories....
To the last free Friday she had before flying out to Ireland for training in her new job back in this February she called explaining "This road is driving me crazy! There is this HUGE snow storm! I wish I were there in Boise RIGHT NOW to be with my Debster but sadly I'm going to have to turn back...." I looked outside at the sunlight feeling my excitement for the whole day to spend with her disappearing as I explained "What how odd it's sunny here! Frickin' Twin always horrid weather I swear...WELL Guess I will just have to come visit you more now in Chicago! Darn!" We both laughed then chatted awhile about how nice it is to have all these other ways of communication then it doesn't feel like we are ever really apart.......we both refused to say a final goodbye...EVER. It was more of a "See you soon." or "I'll call ya tomorrow." kind of friendship...

This morning my beloved Benny died of a heart attack and I am the one stunned over how there is NO texting in this stubborn death, there is no smiley faces or tongue sticking out jokes, no quick chatting walls, no more shared pictures or tags of hanging out with each other in really fun places....there is no more me racing to her and crying out "OooooH Benny what do I do?!?!" In my usual silly helpless ways as she would calmly replied back in her usual steady form "You go kick some ass Deb...You are good at kicking ass remember?" I would snap back into confidence with a huge laugh because my Benny girl was no nonsense and always very clever!

This morning I went to our usual coffee shop after I learned of her sudden death, I had to be alone for a few long hours in familiar places she and I used to be......
I could hear her say "Oh man what a day, I don't look forward to any of this, having deal with all this drama......having to tell people." I smiled to myself through my tears as I thought of what she would say about all of this, IF she had been right there in that familiar chair......