My 3 Beloved Girls

When I was thirteen and my Mother was pregnant. I found the world of pregnancy very interesting. I watched my mother closely and laugh at her growing belly. Seeing my baby brother's foot pop out into her skin."Weird!" I would exclaim while holding my hand as he kicked. My Mom ate every 2 hours and it amazed me how much she ate or even WHAT she ate. I understood deep down inside of me that I would Never want to be pregnant myself. I just loved learning everything about her new baby on the way. Mom would have a big bowl of ice cream then steam a big pot of fresh beets from the garden. "Didn't you just have ice cream?" I would ask as she salted a cooked beet. "yes and now I am craving beets...I was unhealthy in eating all that ice cream so now I am eating more nutrition." I would laugh so much by all that she ate and how she set up some strange combos.

One night I was sleeping over at my friend's house, so along with her dad, she came to pick me up from the farm. I remember letting myself relax completely in her back seat next to my friend Tiff. "Wow being pregnant makes you act all kinds of crazy!" I said sighing thinking of my Mom in her bad mood before I had left. Thankfully I was not going to be home tonight! I jabbered away about all the new things happening in getting ready for a baby in the home. "It's funny to watch her eat an entire jar of pickles while also eating a bowl of cold sugary cereal! hahahaha it's amazing to watch all the food flying out! We went to Costco twice last month and we use to go every couple of months! It's really crazy I am tellin' ya, The common dish is ice cream and then beets! and at least every 2 hours she says she is starving! hahahahaha" 

I was relieved to be talking to someone, just very happy to be embraced by my dear friend in her car while her Father listened and laughed along with us. Tiff turned to her dad saying "Don't get any ideas." and he laughed even harder.

The very next day at Church Tiffany's Father joked with my Parents about my mom being pregnant. I have no idea what he said but it was the mother load of all mistakes I had made. For I was told to get in the car, to wait and while we all came to sit in the car, I sat there still holding my sleep over bag from the night before. I wondered what did I do to get into trouble? Mom turned to face me from the front seat "How dare you! How dare you think you are so special, You like to talk about your crazy mother?!" I was bewildered then crushed staring at her in horror. Now I really wanted to know what did I do? Dad was the one who drove home while yelling at me for having such a big mouth and not being loyal to the family. He ended by saying I could not speak about what went on inside our home ever to anyone unless I wanted to be grounded for life. I believed him fully, without question. My parents both said angrily back and forth of all the things I have done wrong lately. Then Mom said she was so embarrassed that Mr. Brown would walk right up to her and joke about her being pregnant! And THAT is when I realized what had happened. 

My Sister said later she tried to warn me but nope I was just to stupid, happily I ran up to Mom and Dad after a night away with my carefree hugs. Only to be thrown in the car and yelled at all the way home. I guess this was the event that changed me from the inside out. Suddenly I had to judge when to speak so openly and honestly. It would be a good 10 years later when that fear inside me could heal. 

So at the time I cried and felt so miserable wishing I had never come home from my friends house. My Dad then said my punishment for having a big mouth was to stand next to him for 6 weeks while at church.

IF ANYONE knows my Father THIS is a HUGE punishment. For every Sunday we 3 kids would beg to attend Sunday school at 9am, for this gave us an extra hour with our friends in a classroom away from our smothering mother. Then after the morning service it would be noonish and then we 3 kids would disappeared among hallways, the people until Mom said it was time to go home. But our Father NEVER moved, he stood like a statue against the far away corner by the doors of the church facing our parked car. He was completely unapproachable. My Friends were scared of him also, they told me they didn't trust him at all. I would say with a wave of my hand "Oh he is harmless,. unless you make him mad...Ha, Ha, Ha." I knew they didn't believe me but it also hurt me to be known as the kid with the really scary Father. When I would hear someone "He was actually kinda nice." I would smile proud thanking God he was in a good mood then. Now 6 weeks of my number one social day being held next to my Father made me cry into my pillow that Sunday afternoon. Any other 13 year old girl would have given up I am sure. But being grounded for just talking my thoughts out in complete honesty made me realize I needed to always be one step ahead of my parents at ALL times.

That following Sunday in church with my 3 Beloved Girls who shared in my Sunday school class, I said quickly before class started "I am grounded for the next 6 weeks each Sunday after morning service I can no longer walk around outside with you girls. So when you see me at my Father's side you will know why and that I am NOT ignoring you!" I sat down with a sigh. They stared at me "Why!! What did you do!?" they watched on in alarm. My beloved friend Tiffany lived 4 miles away from my farm and just across the street from her was my other beloved friend Rebekah. Now Beloved Jennifer lived in Boise a 45 minuet freeway drive, All these homes would become a place of refuge for me over all those high school years. These 3 girls were all around the same age, I had been following them around, I had really been putting myself out there for their friendship. These 3 girls had been close before my family had started attending this church and now I saw in them with the qualities of maybe being good friends. I was trusting them now with this family info that my Father would have grounded me for life over. They were amazed when I told them the whole story and they laughed. Even my Sunday school teacher giggled asking "Why did you get grounded for just speaking your mind?" then she seemed alarmed in over stepping boundaries and quickly added "You know he is your Father I am sure you will honor him." Then she went back to setting up her Sunday school lesson, while my girls and I wiped the tears from my face. This had been eating me up all week! I was waiting to let them know that as their fourth wheel to their group, I would be gone a month and a half. 

Tiff stated angrily "Wait until I chew out my Dad! He should know better then to insult your parents!" she came to my defense instantly, "NO!" I exclaimed and grabbed her by the arm. "If you do that then he will go apologize to my parents and they will then know I am Talking about THIS again! I would get the belt for sure!" Rebekah looked even more hurt when she leaned into me asking "You get spanked by a belt?" I nodded "Don't you?" she shook her head unsure of what to say next. Jen sat still watching back and forth while listening steadily. Then she asked "Your Mom must be feeling very sensitive being pregnant?" The Sunday school lesson started and I didn't want the class time to end. Racing to sit next to my father even though the morning service didn't start for another 15 minuets. My punishment was actually a good match for me, because I was a baby butterfly learning to socialize.

After service we stood there like shadows on the church's house plants. My Father would push up his eye glasses from his nose and fold his arms. He had rusty red hair, while he stood there he glanced at his wrist watch. He was always ready to go home and for the first time in my life I wanted to leave too. I was watching him move to the other side of the wall so he could lean up against it, I followed. The big frown on my Father's face caught my eye and I spun around to see my 3 Beloved Girls standing there arms locked. I was so surprised that I asked "Where are you girls going?" They avoided my Father, like he was just part of a haunted mason. "No where, we are here to visit with YOU!" They all looked over my shoulder to glare at my Father then wrap their arms around me. I was laughing, I was bursting inside with such love, such joy for these girls. From that moment on and for all the 6 weeks they joined me in the corner next to my Father. Now it was funny to see my Father rolling his eyes, rubbing his forehead and trying to avoid the conversations of us young teenaged girls. That finally it became to much for him so before the 6th Sunday was even over my Father finally let me go play, saying and waving us girls away  "All you girls should go outside!" We ran the back field in our dresses as if we had all been freed together!

I will never forget that first moment when Rebekah, Jennifer and Tiffany came to my side bringing along with them all the socializing I thought I would miss out on. That was the moment when these 3 beautiful girls became a huge part of my life, they were my strength and my refuge. And most importantly      
My Beloved Friends.