Mindy

I was 15 years old when my mom came up to me so excited. I was washing dishes and cleaning the house like I did every day. I delighted in the fresh air from outside through the open windows as I swept or mopped. Mom had just finished a book and was handing it to me so happily and eagerly. "Here! Read this for it's so wonderful I loved it!" She exclaimed. When she handed me the thick yellowish novel entitled "Mindy" I took it. The drawing on the cover was of a young girl with flowing long brown hair holding wild flowers with a shadow of a cowboy behind her. A Typical looking Christian romance novel, my mother was a huge fan of this style of reading. "I was up almost ALL night trying to finish it, it was so really really good!" She smiled at me as she headed to the laundry room. Almost every night of those years in my life my Mother found her couch and blanket to lay there reading endless stacks of romance. Not just ANY romance but the Christian edited love stories. Now I have read my fare share growing up, I ate up all those "G rated" moments when the handsome young man would take the woman he loved into his arms saying "Let us Pray." Wow! Sigh* Smile* Blink* 
You are left to daydream that someday a righteous godly man comes ridding in on a horse (preferably white) to rescue you from dish soap and diapers! He will arrive in such breath taking glory that you suddenly don't care you are only 15 years old and that he just asked you to have a dozen babies for him. You naturally loose all Common Sense for the Christian Romance novel has come true! You can be that ultimate Christian virtuous woman with a Hero like him! I often read stories like these and after a while it was hard to find a unique story line. So Here was a new novel that my mother was thrilled over, I began to view it with suspicion as Mom left me alone with it. My Mom had just recently pulled a learning lesson in her usual manipulating way, She was aware now that I was 15 years old. I think she began to panic in her leadership roll. Instead of talking to me directly about whatever she felt I should understand in the quickly arriving adulthood, She began writing in a journal. At age 15 I was aware of journals I had several and had been writing in them since the summer I was 10. One afternoon when I was rocking my baby brother Daren with a milk bottle in the peace and quiet moment. My Mom on her couch set down her journal watching me thoughtfully and asked "Did you know I have started writing in this journal?" I smiled back relaxed with my sleeping brother in my arms. I set the bottle down and move him around so that the pillow could support my arm as he slept. "Oh Good. It's fun to keep track of your thoughts." I replied. She nodded but was still looking at me. "What?" I asked her confused. She explained more "Have you ever read it?" She set it down in front of me on the coffee table. "Oh No! I wouldn't invade your privacy!" I exclaimed bewildered that she might be accusing me. She was surprised by my reaction and chuckled shaking her head showing I misunderstood her. Her dark brown curly hair rested on her shoulders as she stood looking at me. "No it's quite alright, You can read it ANY time you want. In fact I will always leave it here or on the book shelf. I hope to fill it up all the way through this time, I can never seem to remember it. and I forget to write! Just like most of my journals become forgotten. This one will be different! Read it whenever you want." She shrugged back at me like it was no big deal. Then grabbed another Christian romance novel. As she laid back down on the couch to read in that peaceful afternoon. I was left with my mouth hanging open, but no words escaped me. 
I asked myself "what in the world is going on? why would she actually WANT me to read her journal?" A few days later when I was dusting the book shelf I sat down with her journal open and read. It wasn't a normal way of writing, it wasn't her actual thoughts or maybe it was.....She had wrote a perfect, spotless, strong sermon on the importance of purity and being holy in God's eyes. I was completely annoyed by it. For I had been hoping to catch a glimpse of a Real Person. I was thinking as I started reading that I wanted to find out who my Mother was from inside her heart. Instead I realized this wasn't an honest journal of true human emotions or thoughts. It was just my mom's ideal system of living holy and living only for God.                         I never read it again.

As I put the novel "Mindy" back on the big book shelf, Mom caught me from around the corner. She was smiling big "Well what did you think? Are you finished? Did you like it? Wasn't it just so good!" She asked. I frown after having just cried on the last page deeply. I felt angered and swore I hated this book. Being 15 years old is emotional enough with out reading about someone else whose entire life is capture from beginning to end. Mom was annoying me as I realized I didn't want to talk about this book with her. My eyes were heavy from crying so hard, and so I replied quickly "It was so sad." She nodded eagerly continuing "But it was so powerful too, with such a great life lesson!" I agreed as I spoke "It really was powerful, the ending made me so mad because she dies self-righteous and lonely. I thought it looked like a love story from the cover picture but Mindy took that sweet kind husband of hers and destroyed him, with all her Quaker religious rules!" The look on my mother's face was shock.


The story of Mindy. Mindy was a Quaker whose Father was a strong leader in their faith. As a family they held in home bible studies and services. Mindy was sick with lung problems so she walked for miles to get fresh air in her lungs and healed slowly by doing this. A young sweet man befriend her on her walks, she liked him equally. This young man even visited her at home, as her family held a service of prayer. He was awkward but respectful. Yet he never bought into their beliefs and faith. Mindy married him against her Father's wishes, they had 2 sons. This first part of the novel shares in the love they had for each other. But as the babies arrived into the picture, Mindy worries over the spiritual part of their lives. Causing her to preach at her husband, in situations that usually end with big misunderstandings, judgment, grudges and emotional manipulation. It divided their marriage and their children. Once in the story a storm was threatening to take their livelihood on the day of the sabbath. So as Mindy stood her ground stubbornly praying to God to save their home. Her sweet adorable kind husband was out working so hard to physically save the farm. At the end of this story Mindy dies with her granddaughter by her side. and Her distant rejected husband comes to her bed side to say goodbye. He broke down sobbing as he said (These words ripped out my heart) "She never knew how much I loved her."


I despised Mindy for most of the novel, She had no right to tell her husband he was going to hell. She put such high standards on him and challenged him at every turn in the story. He was always compensating for her, letting her teach their sons about the bible though he didn't get it. He never denied her a good life or his full support. Yet she was always refusing him, even making him sleep in another room. She just was so full of herself, she thought her and God had it all figured out. In return she also thought she had to suffer in a miserable marriage for the glory of God. I personally thought she was a whinny daddy's girl. When Mindy's father is on his death bed, he forbids her to get a divorce saying she can't walk away from her promise to God. So the rest of her life is sad. She becomes very proud, never giving in even a tiny bit for her good character Husband.
I explained all this to the shock of my Mother, I took a deep breath shaking my head looking at the novel I had laid down on the book shelf. "Poor Mindy, She lost out on True Love." My Mother cried out "No!" like I had bitten her. I was startled for I knew I had been rambling on and on about the novel. I realized I hadn't stop to think my mother would disagree. Mom looked so bewildered while flopping her arms around in the living room like she wanted to fly away right then. "No! No no no no no no no! Oh No Debby! Debby, you got it all wrong! You missed out on the main lesson God teaches us!" She looked like she was going to cry. I was now honestly alarmed watching her flop down on the couch so sadly. I went to sit right next to her in support, though I was completely bewildered. "Don't cry." I begged her. Mom shook her head like she was not giving up after all. "You completely read the story wrong! It wasn't about her missing out on love, for she had God's love! She knew she was right in Gods eyes and that gave her the strength to carry on. It was that she didn't listen to her Father, she went off marrying the Wrong guy! You can not be a christian and marry a non-christian or you will suffer for the rest of your life!" I looked at my mom skeptical of this view point. She continued "Her Father warned her, but she didn't listen so everyone suffered! and only one of her sons were saved! If she had been in a marriage of shared faith then both boys would have been saved! SEE? God wants us to have Christian families!" I replied "But Her husband loved her so much, he was such a great guy!" Mom sighs again getting stern. "LOOK, the life lesson in this novel is that you should not marry a man unless he believes in God like you do." I felt myself stiffen as I reply "Or maybe this novel teaches us that our parents shouldn't get involved in our love lives." Mom shot up from the couch exclaiming "WHAT?!" 
I continued while smirking at my new thought, "Mindy's Father had no right to tell her she could not divorce her husband, If he hadn't given her all those ridiculous rules in that crazy faith then Mindy could of had a great marriage!" I was really getting tired of talking about this novel with my Mom but I had to tell her in all honesty I did NOT like that book. Flustered my Mom waved her hands over her head like she couldn't take it anymore! She wasn't getting through to me. She loved this book, I hated it. She thought we would bond together of one mind over the same lessons in this story. I thought it was just common sense that a marriage is give and take. "Her father was right! Once you marry in the eyes of the Lord there is no such thing as a divorce and it's even selfish, so very sinful to do such a thing! These rules are from God himself and Parents have every right to keep their children aware of them! ....I need to go for a walk now!" She was already outside as the door slowly closed. Now my mother never loses her temper nor ever raises her voice. She was just very preachy. She never actually once shouted at me. She became very excited and really worked up. As she left, I went on to cook up some hamburgers for dinner. While carrying around my baby brother Daren on my hip. I watched out the dinning room windows as the far off figure of my mother walked out into the evening sunset. She was heading over the apple orchard. 
"No doubt, Dude....."     I whispered while kissing Daren's baby cheeks, still looking out over the disappearing shadow of our upset mother.      "....She is praying for us all."


Today remembering this memory, I write in clear understanding at age 31. This is what I didn't quite understand back then at age 15.
My Mother who art Mindy.