A Flash Back

This morning while taking my husband to work, I had to find some random library I had never been to. Along with the help of my husband Tony. He had reserved an auto book for my road trip. So we kept looking for this strange hidden library. With construction all around this old strip mall we somehow found a door hidden in the back of the building. Tony turned to me worried "It Looks abandon! where the hell is this library?" I began to get out of our parked car. He exclaimed "YOU AREN'T GOING IN....ARE YOU?" I laughed at his response. "Oh Please, I will just look." As I venture closer to the scary looking doors I heard Tony suddenly lock his car door. I began to giggle for once again I am married to Niels Crane from the TV sitcom "Frasier". When I opened the doors to see through the dark dim light of the morning shining from the other side I realized the Library was tucked back in the corner. I nodded back to my Husband who would have sworn this had JUST turned into a horror movie! One nice quiet married couple with a sleepy mini schnauzer dog in the backseat of a little car go missing on this early morning...the last thing the woman said while driving around in circles was "Where the hell is this library?" 

Now I walked through those doors and instantly was flashed back almost 25 years ago. I have been here before! was my first reaction. I walked on down the dark open mall, it was a place completely abandon, the flooring was so dirty and damaged. The little shops inside were empty and fully displayed by all these beaten up windows. Though EVERYTHING was trashed as if  in a scene from a movie. I was alarmed to be walking through this alone at first, then really I was just in awe again by the center area of this crazy sad lonely place. I stopped for a second while standing there half way to the library. On the other side of this mall was a much nicer looking strip mall area. For me in my flash back, I was alive by the memory of that I have been here before! ....So very long ago. The floor tiles were tiny squares and when you are a toddler THAT is the first thing you will notice and remember! The colors were bright pink, yellow, blue and purple against all white, now those same tiles were under inches of dirt. I stood looking up at the falling down ceiling. A Christmas Tree was here, it was RIGHT here in my memory, It was all RIGHT HERE! I was HERE! I felt excited by seeing it again so real, so alive with Christmas music playing in the background. I wonder how old was I? I wish I knew. I know I was so tiny sitting on the bench that once was here in this now dirty broken place. 

My Memory is of my Mom Christmas shopping and it's dark outside but inside this mall with a big decorated Christmas tree, there is Christmas music playing while tons of people are everywhere. Everything is lit up for the holidays and my father shared his Hickory Farms sample with me as we sat there waiting for Mom to finish shopping. I remember thinking it was such a wonderful place, the building is enclosed yet there is this open area to the outside parking lot. There is something magical in this memory for me, I was with my Father as he would hold my hand while we walked around looking at the moving Christmas display. This morning I was filled with such awe that I could be right back to this spot again. I thought to myself "How random is this? How crazy that a clear flash back just now hit me!" I do wonder how many years later now it has been? I now came across this scene this very morning, from when people shopped here just before Christmas it was so alive to right now where it could make for a great haunted house? I was here once as tiny little child whose Father watched over me and pointed out all the wonderful magic of Christmas. Maybe it was my first understanding of the celebration of the holiday. I thinks it was AMAZING this morning to find that place and get hit with a flash back. I wonder if the older I get the more of these moments will sneak up on me? 

I think it will be exciting to watch and see!