I watched "A River Runs through it." yesterday while eating sushi in honor of my brother Derek's birthday. I kept to myself mostly realizing that time is never be the same again so this day is for my deepest grief.
I have been watering everything more as it heats up into Summer soon, my gardens are coming along and my yard edges are getting cleaned up, I planted some yellow roses and had a fire pit under the stars late into the night.
I will always honor my brother's birthday. It is good for me to let go of the distractions in life for a whole day.
I love bringing the water to the world around me.
I love singing sad songs in the morning with my coffee and watching sad movies as I bake something in the afternoon. I took a nap with my old dog Oscar on the couch after having weeded a big patch of land. I am very comfortable being alone for awhile, I think I heal better and think clearer when I take the time to just sit looking out the bedroom bay window.
I love getting old, I love being right where I am meant to be.
I don't like the fact that as I grow old people who are even older will die or people like my brother have sudden accidents then never come back home.
I understand everyone hurts, everyone grieves and everyone has to face their own way in old age. I'm grateful to be still for a day in sadness as I am ever so grateful for the friendship I had with Derek.
I let the water hose roll out into the ground under his fruit trees and strawberry patch thinking I hope he can see how good it all looks today!
Then my own watery tears comfort me.
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