I choked on my coffee in that moment of our conversation and looked around all alarmed. I smirked back at him explaining myself "I think it's a defense to not get sucked into drama of others....I say it to remind myself not be distracted or caught up in it."
He shook his head at me stating "You make the drama or the situation about you if you say "I don't take it personal." Why not take it personal if someone is mean to you? Are you a door mat? Are you not worthy of respect so fight back or get it solved whatever misunderstanding, or bad situation that comes up dealing with it right away is far better then letting it continued on." I chuckled and sipped on my coffee realizing he was right, just like he has to remind me every so often to apologize when I start avoiding it again. I have to retrain my mind on what it means really means to be weak, saying I am sorry when I am in the wrong is not a bad thing to face, it's an honest thing and I am still learning how to allow myself that kind of vulnerability.
I will try to not mislead myself, to not be afraid of conflict or misunderstandings.
I will try to apologize better and be honest in a caring way so that I can better my relationships or let them fade out if they are putting me into constant drama.
A new year always brings out new ways to think of things, to try new habits and new routines....my own brain has pathways in how I think so while I want to reinvent myself, I will try out a new trail of thought because chances are that I do give a fuck if I am actually honest....:-)
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