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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Teach Me

        "TODAY I am FINALLY 30!!!" I grinned proudly at my 50's style image looking back from the mirror. It was a delightful charming party, one with wine glasses and cheese platters, my mother-in-law was glowing, greeting all my girlfriends and ordering everything. It was a perfect event!
     My best friend Benny had sat beside me joking around and meeting the other ladies of my family. She was happy to see everyone getting along, even my co-workers swinging by and old friends meeting up again. It wasn't such a big party just very classy......For I have been ready to be 30 all of my life!
The very next morning Benny called me to chat it up but she also sounded worried, "Hey Deb, it was fun yesterday to hang out and you should be REALLY proud that both mother-in-laws showed up because I don't think I would want to go where my ex-husband's wife is......but they must really like you in order to share." I chuckled back sitting in my cozy chair with a cup of coffee. "thanks for coming Benny! I was so VERY proud to have you there too." She continued worriedly "I was watching everyone and your sister-in-law is NOTHING I had pictured, didn't you say you both go out for coffee every week right now? because she is......well okay last night I thought about this before I said it, I know you love everyone in Tony's family and have been helping her get to know everyone from what you were saying it was like you girls were good friends but yesterday when I met her she didn't seem to even know you every well in fact she was a total bitch. I say this in complete honesty for you I know you will know what I mean." 
I let out a choke of laughter "Anyone who meets her says this also, no worries I know what you are referring to but she isn't like that with me, so don't worry we all want her to feel like she is part of the takes time for her to trust anyone."
Benny hesitated "Well....I thought she said some very hurtful things about you in her sarcastic jokes I think her true meaning flew over your head because you are so bubbly and  you are good to everyone...."
I interrupted "It seems like Ive been doing this so much lately, defending and explaining her behavior so that people can see what I see."
Benny sighed "Okay, so what do you see in your sister-in-law that no one is seeing?" 
I sat up setting my coffee down, "I see a girl coming into this family where we have such a strong good friendship, she feels left out if not ignored."
Benny chuckled "You don't think that is so silly of her? because I know your father-in-law he is Awesome! loves his 2 boys more then they deserve! hahahahahaha"
I joined into her laughter "It's always the awesome kind loving parents whose kids think that is the way it is everywhere, I've been telling those boys over and over how lucky they are to have such a good father like him!"
Benny continued "Those boys are so spoiled and so loved by both parents that they won't get what you are saying Deb, I think the reason you love Tony's family so much it that you don't have a family like that so you come from a different story..."
I explained excitedly "That's right, just like my sister-in-law comes from a different family, she would love to see us all getting along as good as her own, this is why she challenges us, corrects us and warns us on how "click-ish" we all are. She wants to be respected is really the bottom line. I think it's why you got a bad feeling about her yesterday at my party."
Benny sighed again "I love ya Deb, for ya never want to think badly about anyone. I've seen you go out of your way to help many people who didn't deserve it. So naturally when you get hurt by these selfish people I get so mad and want to protect you! THIS is one of those times, listen I am not out to ruin your relationship with your sister-in-law everything is still so new having her in the family but I will warn ya that I got a very bad feeling while chatting with her yesterday, She doesn't really like you at least not as much as you like listen to me carefully Be careful around her, for you shouldn't trust her." 
I sat quietly listening, this was a common topic among other people who worried over how she was treating me. I guess I wanted to believe she was just misunderstood, that deep down she needed a good friend is all.
I spoke softly "I love ya too Benny, I am really glad we have the kind of friendship you can warn me and tell me what you honestly think! I am sure it will all work out in the end that my sister-in-law will not feel so threaten by me anymore, because all I want is to be friends in this shared family. Yet it is always so cute how you watch over me, I will keep this conversation in mind and remember to not always put myself out there....but it's against my nature to not be there for others." Benny chuckled again saying "I know! We both could teach each other a thing or 2! like how I need to be more open, positive and trusting, and You need to be more guarded, even aware of how mean people really can be."

It came to pass that Benny's warning on the day after my 30th birthday was spot on in how mean my sister-in-law could really be, but I had to live through the whole thing in order to grow stronger and wiser from it. And I fund out what I am really made of in the end, I know how to forgive and let see how life has so much to teach me!

My best friend was one of a kind! .....and I shall grow all the more wiser having known her, having had her insight and protection. Her honesty and laughter was so rare in this world of mind games, of manipulation, even betrayal. I am extremely honored to have sat with her awhile, to have lived arm in arm through out our life stories!

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