The heat was on, the sun was blazin'.
The downtown Nampa scene was like any other day......
But my time had stopped.
I was lost, I was found, I was actually just talking to myself.....
I bought an ice coffee and sat awhile in flowing soft tears.....for on this day..... with ALL of my years gathered here in this one afternoon.............
I was never ever going to be the same.
I stumbled over how to say it out loud,
there was no way to really explain it best.....A final goodbye is simply that,
FINAL and GOODBYE.
Yet there's nothing GOOD in such a word.
Nothing more to do in such a change.
I found some shade, I found some shops,
my mind raced on over how to avoid, over how not to deal......with ANY of this!
yet that has never my best skill to simply hide away all day, I have to speak out loud and I have to share with those around.
For in all honesty I had never hurt nor felt such pain like this before......
I sob, I laughed, I visited and remembered when........
I went to those spots as if to find her, as if to make sure I hadn't passed by her.......
Dear Benny Girl Where are you?!?!??!?
June 26 took away my best friend........I was struck down in my great lost, to my life's end in our old plans and I think that now one month later............ that maybe I am finally making my way out of that foggy day.
Benny was born September 9, 1981 in Caldwell Id., the second child of John and Gail Totter. Bright and energetic as a child, Benny graduated from Caldwell High School in 1999, and then moved to Oklahoma to attend school at Heartland Baptist College. She attended Treasure Valley Community College beginning in 2002, where she met her future husband Matt Reasch. She later went to the College of Southern Idaho. Benny had just recently begun a new career in Accounts Receivable for milk products at Glanbia, who is opening a new office for the United States in Chicago, where Benny was looking forward to living.
She loved listening to music, particularly Grateful Dead or Tom Petty. She enjoyed reading, doing crafts and raising her two children, Hannah, age 9 and Mika, age 6
It's the Goodbye I can't seem to say out loud.....But I will say that I shall miss you Benny Love....in this forever part of time.
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