"Talk to me my dear girl" emotions of deep sadness overcome me but my mannerisms were traditional in my meet and greet ways, in chit chat or in any social situation, traditional in the sense that I was there by sound of voice not really there in my head. I kept seeking a connection back to Benny, "Talk to me Lady." then suddenly she was speaking to me instantly in my heart and mind I was overwhelmed, even very surprised by everything she gave me in a simple few seconds after I sought out her spirit like that, NOW there were no stones or crystals, no ceremony just me asking her to help me know what to do next, how lost have I been without her??? When a rush of knowledge hit me in my chest I stumbled back against the wall looking into the home in awe of such clarity........then I knew always and forever she will be apart of my heart. Feeling her energy, doing that hard work in packing up her home, packing all her things gave me such a personal experience. At first I didn't want to be in charge, I didn't want anyone to pack or touch ANYTHING for this was hers, that should stay put until she comes home to tell me where it goes.......oh wait....this is it, the final moment she can't come argue with me in which boxes goes where or how we will get it to the new place....all in all this is it.
"Talk to me Benny." I say it maybe twice a day now, I smile over this thought while it helps me pause so I can notice all those little things out in the world around, like a hidden message from her for my healing soul.
This is how it was for me in helping and packing up her family to move, I saw her everywhere! ....and it left me breathless, at one moment I had to sit down in the basement to hide my tears, try to catch my struggling breath. It could be the closest thing to a panic attack that I was experiencing I don't know. That was a time in my life.....well it was unlike anything I have ever been through before!
I'm not claiming any special powers to converse with the dead, I just think that when I let myself just be, then I feel things and have thoughts that normally could have been skipped over if I was distracted and not paying attention.
Saying "Talk to me." is like saying "I'm paying attention now."
I wish she would call right now and we could talk!
I am left overwhelmingly feeling like my life is moving on from this sadness, well moving really way fast day by day, at the very same time I am thinking to myself I should push myself out of this rain cloud. I should seek change, seek out more laughter and new ideas now.....
One morning I cried because I was worried I would forget about her over time, yet here she was my best friend so really I can't forget someone like that no matter how old I will grow!
Perhaps my biggest issue in my anger emotion is that I had planned on being old with her and now I have to re-think what I once took for granted.
I am almost desperate in telling other people how NOT to take anything for granted! I guess this is my new message in my life to share,
don't let anything get in your way of being there for others.
It is good to always have friends, to join in happy times, to support through the hard times and to say with a loving trusted heart "Talk to me."
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