Living in Love

                        As I grew up on the farm I stayed right beside my cats as they gave birth, I kept them in a safe dry place. And I wrote a lot of letters as I waited for each new kitten.

I felt so much love towards these kittens, each and every one! I wrote about them all as well, I stayed close to home when they arrived.

My mother would argue with me that she needed me to come to town with her and I felt that I had to stay on the farm for protection over the new litters of kittens.

She would always try to get me to come with her and eventually gave up, saying "You are turning into your Grandfather."

Because her Dad and my Grandpa never left the farm not even for church on Sundays. I would laugh and smile proudly because he was the great animal rescuer! I wanted to grow up to be just like him if I could!

I admire him for always keeping the animals safe, always caring about his land and most importantly watching over everything from his house on the hill.

If I had to leave the farm when my pets depended on me then I would run up that hill to ask Grandpa Graber to watch over my place if I wasn't back at dinner time, he knew where everything was for I was always updating him on all the stories and care issues I had.

He was very good at always be aware of the needs of the farm. He never forgot, he never got lost in a TV show or took a nap that went to long like my mother would. 

In fact my mother would always say to me in her annoyed way "Animals have a way of taking care of themselves, It's God's will if they live or die so you can't beat yourself up if you couldn't save them after all." 

I got into some heated arguments with my mother back then but I think she felt helpless against the whole world of nature out there and it tired her out quickly, so she tried to teach me that this responsibility didn't rest just on my shoulders alone, I had God out there calling the shots not me. 

And I felt that God wasn't as hands on as I wanted to him to be so I jumped into the pet care with my whole heart  in fact I called it LOVE from the very beginning!

That desire to protect and heal, to help and to share. I understood it to be LOVE.

So I devoted myself to this journey back when I was just 10 years old, and I grew to understand for all the heart ache of all the deaths I faced, for all the suffering in pain while getting hurt or sick these were living beings with souls too! Every spring in my pet cemetery I laid fresh flowers and remembered all good moments with those pets, the laughter and the cleverness in them I observed. 

And I knew that I would never want to look back and miss out on those eyes and those paws! Oh the adventures and the feeling of a shared life in love, together we were made better!

Such things in life like that made me laugh so much, I needed that kind of joy in my heart and soul when facing my parents home at the end of the day.

People were far more difficult to figure out for me back then, my parents were not happy people when they were together, worrying about my pets gave me a purpose and a way to get away from worrying about them....

  Living in LOVE didn't start with my family, my family was pure survival in not getting hit by the swinging leather belt or "thrown under the bus" in doing something wrong. 

The crazy drama that I grew up with sometimes still haunts me, I have learned to take a deep breath to let it go with grace and remember those fluffy, playful kittens.

I remember many sunsets sitting next to my big farm dog covered in dirt and leaning into each other for we were happy and we were loved in those moments of my life! Learning to live with love came from my animals, I was able to process how to love my family better through my magical joy in all my pets!

I was able to learn how to deal with all my family dramas back then because I stepped away from it to think clearly again and to hold a kitten!

To all the people who need for forgiveness and grace, Living in Love will help them heal too, Love brings with it a sense of a much bigger picture for this earth helps us not waste any time in creating a better place!

Living in love isn't a magic spell to protect me from suffering, it's the opposite. 

I have learned that by living in love, living with care and concern for every living being I feel EVERYTHING. I have learned ways to handle this much emotion, this much responsibility...yet I am glad to feel, to really be alive right now in whatever is happening!

My mother was right that I can't save the whole world, that's not my responsibility, I understand that better now as I am older. Yet because I love, I am empowered to make the world a little better, to not be afraid of feeling so much at once! I can only do my part for the short time I am here on this earth. 

From birth to death it all happens so fast! Why not choose love in everything during that very limited time?

           

    The other night when it was so bitter cold outside and all my pets were inside, my old dog Oscar moaned and groaned in my arms, so I wrapped him in a blanket to help him stop hurting so much, soon he was deeply a sleep on my chest, even drooling as he does without any front teeth anymore. 

It's good that my pets remind me to slow down, for I love them all so much that my heart could burst!

I want them to have the best life possible, if that means I have to go without food then I would (and I have done that for them actually) 

Oscar and I have been together for over a decade now, and one day ......sooner then I will ever be ready for.... he will pass away and leave me behind.

And I will be deeply grateful for our life long friendship, our perfect family time. 

Because living with love brings all those magical memories to my life!......in heart ache and in laughter, in tears and in smiles my life is made whole for knowing such love!

and there is just so much more out there to love, to have hope, to always remember and to love on!