The Constant Goodbyes

The older I get the more this happens, life and death cycling over those I know. It won't ever get easier at least not for me in having this happen more often but I can understand and see how it's all apart of our constant goodbyes. My dearest friend Benny came into town from her new job in Chicago, we had a lovely lunch date on Wednesday catching up and hanging out even laughing as life long friends that we are! then Thursday morning her father passed away after fighting cancer. About a year ago I drove Benny to a memorial service of our mutual friend, we talked about how dreading such moments like that are in knowing we have to say goodbye. We come together, we hug and support each other in all these moments knowing there are no words to save the day, lost is lost. Tears are nothing to be ashamed of, but it is the friendships those with common ground and loyal support that makes going through a final goodbye a bit more comfortable. 
With life and death, with all the people you know, it is LOVE that brings us to the core. Suddenly with these experiences adulthood becomes a big part of this whole system.
I know resting peace for those we have to say goodbye is a comforting thought but the process of going through this grief is hard. I personally like to think good thoughts or happy endings for those who died, but in this pain of total separation the reality is a storm of tears.
I woke up yesterday, that Thursday with Benny's father on my mind instantly, I carried him around as I did my chores thinking that because of the day before we had talked about him. Suddenly it all made sense that I had to call her right away, I looked out my kitchen window while on the phone with her realizing these constant goodbyes are all apart of being alive. As I step up to these events I can feel it coming, I can see it clearly for I am here still. I can protect, comfort and listen, I can cry, I can chuckle, I can handle each moment of living on as long as I don't give up hope......Constant goodbyes will always hurt making the moment of right now appreciated even more with a friendly hello....
Remember don't be afraid to have loved and lived, for in avoiding a goodbye you will miss out on such life! 

I was 21 years old excitedly telling a story in mid action with my arms out in my usually long descriptive details John watched me with an amused smiled. He turned to his daughter sitting next to him on the couch "Is she always this lively?" I paused in mid-motion to giggle as Benny nodded at her dad explaining 'We did stop for coffee several times today." I continued still energized "....Then suddenly we realized we were lost! Benny was the first to point this out right? and I had take down all my christian bumper stickers so I could say "This is SHIT!" without giving Jesus a bad rep!" John burst out laughing at my road trip stories while Benny just shook her head with a smirk.