So last week I was there helping my mother, dreaming of summer time and how she could stay in handicap hotel rooms when traveling. I bring what hope I have for her to feel, for her to laugh and smile...those things will slip away easy so I also bring with me all my fairies, my sun light and those deep long breaths in good strength. Just last week my father got us all to meet up for dinner, their youngest son turned 14 and they have been married 34 years so we ate out. It's always a hit and miss in conversations getting confrontational, my sister and I never talk anymore but I will always be polite and nice. In some accidental way one of our brothers called her by my name, then she spatted off angrily as if this was the worse name to be called. The humorous part of my self wanted to hold my hand up in the air as we all ate listening to her vent over the horrors of being called "Debby instead of Dana" I wanted to hold my hand up and say "Ah yes I am RIGHT HERE...hello, my name isn't all that bad really." Instead I chuckled to myself very aware of her jabs in anger. She doesn't like me, this is VERY clear but as to why I am not sure. The clues are found in her rant of not liking to be mistaken for me. I would never actually ask her unless I was ready to fight back, it's all rather silly to me in being so dramatic in keeping tabs on what I do or say that is wrong or stupid in her eyes. She has her own family to raise, she cares over our parents better then I do. I know that time will keep moving forward, we will not be stuck in this memory of her flipping out in an identity crisis of accidentally being me for a half a second.....this to shall pass. Confrontation use to terrify me when I was younger and now I can stare it straight in the eye with bravery that I hope to always share!
Only a week ago I drove home thinking about how I missed meeting my mother at the mall before her stroke, and one day I know I will look back and miss these rare family get together as well.....For nothing can last forever, not even being called "Debby" by mistake!