Travis - Flowers In The Window

To the end of May today I gladly say goodbye, I excitedly seek out June (my most beloved month of ALL!) 
To the joy of slowly warming up through spring into the heat waves and soft shade of hot summer days I await so happily, BRING IT ON!
This is going to the BEST summer in a really long time I can just feel it.........I stop to enjoy my flowers in my window this morning, for it truly is such a lovely day and I hope you feel the same!

My Mother

It was a perfect morning yesterday as I got up early, watered all my flower pots on the patio, let my dogs run around and brushed out my cats. I was so happy with my patio sunny and warm but not very hot yet, then I realized I had a voice mail on my very old phone My mother had called saying "Just wondering if you are coming out to see me this week and can you bring coupons to Joanne Fabrics." I smiled at myself wondering what is my mother sewing up or wanting from the craft store?
Since I have been reading a book recently every night before bed called "Warrior Goddess Training" by Heatherash Amara, I have been thinking of what it means to be a Goddess Warrior..... a person of internal peace. 
I recently read a chapter that had me in tears as it spoke directly to me in feeling guilty when you can't help or fix other peoples life as you can fix your own. 

Every single day since my mother's stroke I have struggled in wanting to fix her back, in wanting to show her how to change her life style and be happy again.
It has been a struggle for me in excepting my family as they are and not as I wish them to be. I know that list is long in my wanting everyone to love each other unconditionally, to be there for each other beyond anything else while respectfully listening and loving without fear.
That is what I have always wanted from birth, and it's why I have never fit into their system of chasing money above all else. Of all the millions of moments in disagreeing and attacking each other, holding grudges while hitting and yelling. 

I can't fix a damn thing, I can't change a single second of our past. I can't create a whole new caring and compassionate family. THIS is my greatest sadness of ALL!

It was a perfect morning yesterday because I choose it be to so, because I have the power in my own soul to be peaceful, forgiving and loving. I can drink my coffee on my perfect patio with my little dog in my lap and say to the blue sky above "I am grateful, I am blessed."
The smell of lavender was in the air, the soft radio program played on in my background as I chuckle to myself in the most sweetest thing to watch my other dogs play then lay down in the morning shade. How magical is my own breath? How lucky am I to of found so many great people in my life? How strong am I to give back to my own mother the same love and care she gave me as a baby? When I was a young adult she didn't like me very much, I had out grown her bible stories and constant manipulation. I had began to challenge her to just be my friend as a young woman, I saw so much hesitation and fear in her when I asked "Can't we just be friends?"
When I told her once that the power of love is within her own 2 hands, each morning she can wake up deciding to be a good person or a bad person simply by whatever she chooses to think about. In fact she has been given a great gift to start over every single morning! That really made her mad at me, I wasn't sure why of course from my own mind it was a freeing feeling to take ownership of every word out of my mouth, to be the best I can be for that day. Living in grace means to allow myself growth in life lessons and making mistakes.....I look back at my broken childhood in awe of not being afraid anymore, there is no more hell threatening to destroy me if God is displeased or more importantly IF my parents were displeased! I believe in a Heaven beyond my own magical ways full of awe and inspiration to leave this world a better place for the next generations! I am free from chasing riches here on earth or in my after life. A life lived in love IS the greatest reward and the best place in time. I had such a perfect morning yesterday I called my mother we chatted for 31 minuets, I never thought 4 years ago we would ever be able to do that again! What a miracle! For she has come so far! Even I have come so far.....in my love for my mother I have faced so much anger towards her disowning me when I first moved out into my own apartment, because I needed her advice on everything back then I didn't get it for 6 full months, then I realized her homeschooling system was so messed up and I needed to take on my own responsibility for not knowing ANYTHING now a grown adult.  A few more years later and she had nothing to do with my wedding........she called me a FOOL right to my happy smiling face and drove off leaving me stunned and not able to respond. As her car peeled away after she spatted angrily "You have messed up your life, you  are a FOOL." I stood there shocked with no idea why did she SAY that???? Then I whispered watching her go"I still love ya Mom." I felt just like a parent who watches their toddler pout and protest as she drove away fast all crazily.
12 years later from that moment to right now I smile to myself of how powerful her life has been to mine. It's time to just let her be, not keeping hoping to make her happy again but to be her friend first and foremost. I am not sure if any of these family relationships will get better or not, it's not my job to fix anything expect myself, I can only learn as I live to be full of respect and delight in our times together........nothing will ever be actually perfect but I can see how far we have come to being perfectly happy with each other!
My Mother spoke up "I would like to go back to the garden center with you." I replied through the phone happily "Of course as soon as I have time maybe next week, speaking of gardening I am trying to keep the weeds down so my seeds have a fighting chance.....'" the delight in random chit chat topics of all kinds of joyful things made my morning even more perfect! I truly love my mother so much, I love all her knowledge in gardening and cooking, her new self is so honest and easy going our phone call was delightful and timeless, because I no longer worry about upsetting her nor do I struggle in how to say No to her.....I have come a long ways in learning all about my mother. I have began to embrace my spiritual balance in accepting her just as she is and not as I wish her to be.....I will always beg the universe to show her mercy of course! I will always hope for her happiness to come back and for her paralyzed arm and foot to move again and I will still take her out into the world with me but I won't wear my own self out in trying to be everything she needs at once, I won't keep trying to teach her how to forgive her husband and sons when they upset her......I won't pretend that we are a loving family now, I will just be.
In learning to just be and let go of all the events in my past that I wish to relive differently, or explain in greater details I have come out of my dark tunnel of grief and helplessness. Now my mother lives to survive another day, she isn't soul searching her past nor realizing that she once said judgmental things to me because it was just apart of her religion, her mission to prove to God she loved him more then she loved her children.....it worked of course, God won my mother's heart above all else even to this day actually when we talk about it in person she says "I gave my life to God completely, why would he strike me down with a stroke?" I would shrug back knowing it's not my place to b the teacher instead I should just shut up and listen to her.
Of course NOW in my life I simply tip my hat to the sky wherever God is, I say with a smirk "You may have her loyalty, but I can make her laugh over the phone, and I'm good with that."

It was a perfect morning yesterday, I sat awhile in pure happiness that my mother was doing so good to keep on the phone for awhile........

Sleepless skies

The full moon had me ever so happy on my midnight walk along the ditch bank, It was helpful to see where I was walking lost in my thoughts and prayers. Back then the orchard farm was so rich and healthy!
I was 17 years old and the wonder of the world was all round me! Having my own bedroom in the little cottage across the yard from my parent's main home allowed me to walk without fear, to be outside freely after everyone was sound asleep. Sometimes my sister would walk with me and sometimes I walked alone never to very far but just enough to feel free under all those amazing stars!
I was struggling so much at the time with what to do with my life and wondering why was I so afraid of growing up? 
Nature, the wide open farm gave me such comfort on those nights, I was never in bed before 3am back then ha! I loved being up while the earth was so quiet and so sparkly!
I loved having my own time to think and reflect over all the events in a day before.....My mother had her second baby boy in the house by this time so she agreed that my sister and I could move out into the little cottage after all. Their home was getting crowded, I will always remember the wonder of those days! Oooooh the sweet sweet freedom! The happiness my sister had and all the hours we stayed up so late even staying up completely till the next day arrived because we were just so happy to be there in our own little private place!
I loved taking a long hot showers whenever I wanted without my father getting mad or worried over no more hot water for himself. In our own bedrooms my sister and I chatted easily and decorated our own walls the way we wanted. Sometimes I miss those moments in how magical it felt to be in my very own bedroom for the first time! Feeling like my sister was a real friend for the first time in my life was also delightful to! Of course those good memories are easy to find for I hold them so close to my heart! and they never out number the hundreds of bad moments that I was about to face in those new ever changing days. Without nature, without those wide open skies I would never of found God to be so glorious and so graceful! I think back to those days realizing now just how vital  to me they really were! For i used those midnight walks to reflectively look at my life and learn how to survive.

I didn't want to grow up because I was so afraid of the unknown out there, yet I wasn't afraid at all standing under a huge sky full of stars out in the middle of an orchard farm! I think back to those sleepless nights when I was deeply grateful for my own time with no worries of bumping into my emotional mother or my angry father. I was just there, walking and thinking in my own freedom, in my own self and trying  to wisely plan out my appoarching future in which only the stars above in the universe could actually see that far ahead for me!

Slipping Away

           It was a powerful moment in my life that summer night's sky shinning down on me while I drove fast on the freeway, the music blared only because I had no dogs in the car to hurt their hearing, no husband in the car complaining over how he has never been a fan of music. 
I was simply all alone thinking to myself about the day's events in the hospital where my mother was recovering from her massive stroke, the clouds reflected the moon light and I cried.
It felt like no one else was in the world in that rare late night moment on the freeway I had secretly driven out to my old childhood farm not telling anyone now I was coming back to Boise on the freeway, I had to see it for myself to say "goodbye" to everything I had once known while living there. It was a dark place since everyone was staying at the hospital or at my brother's home close by. I walked around the ditch bank of my past, this was a well worn pathway for me every midnight hour of my high school years. 
The panoramic view was a this endless starry sky over the rolling hillside into the valley below facing the owyhee mountains. God was here in my life every night helping me as I cried and walked surrounded by my Grandpa's fruit orchards I could stand above those trees from the ditch bank rim and I prayed everyday for all the things in my life I was afraid of or I was mad about.
Now it's all so dark, so sad and depressing because my Grandpa is dead and the orchards are over. The fruit tree grow wild an crazy lost and confused, I knew as I stood there I will never ever desire to return, God was here when I was younger clinging to something out there....maybe someone to love me?
I cried on my drive home because I was soooooo tired, so disappointed in how my family wouldn't let me help them by having them stay at my home, or always hugging each other kindly as we wonder day to day if our mother will make it or not. I cried because God was still there on the farm after all these years still there in my imagination and yet he changed nothing. This proves my point that we each have life choices to make every single day and God can only watch and wait.....how we suffer or we thrive is completely 100% up to us, ourselves. I drove home disappointed in discovering no healing powers from the sky above the once lovely farm in my memories. I should of known I would look at those special spots in my past in a completely different way for I have lived and learned praying is only for my own personal sense of self.
The music play as the clouds shined in the moonlight and I suddenly saw my young mother from my first years alive on this earth split in half, her angel wings went up into the dark night and she looked so afraid back down at me saying "I am being split up into pieces!"  I drove steadily on across the freeway as cars began to crowded me as I was getting closer to my own home now. I cried so heavily at this image and this scene above me. "Mommy! Don't loose your wings! Please God don't split her soul! That's not fair! She has to stay whole!?!" I sobbed as the clouds took her far away out of my reach and I knew tomorrow going back to the hospital she will either die in order to not get split up or she will never be the same here on earth..........

The song lyrics whispered "An old mother dies......confusion set in to the baby down the hall."

The whole world is slipping away while being born and alive all over again and again, so I am not the first person to see the splitting of the souls, I am not the first person seeing God in my own imagination when I was exhausted or emotionally tuned in to deeper answers for my trauma and dramas.If we can understand how things work or why then we are not so helpless in our hurting. We don't want to suffer mindlessly, we don't want to think there is nothing more or less about us. I told my husband about the splitting soul image I had in which my mother was now facing, he rolled his eyes shaking his head saying kindly back "I think you really need to sleep now." I laughed back and knew he was right but in my heart I felt like I had been given the truth of what was currently happening to my suffering struggling mother.
That very next day my mother had a blood clot in her breathing tubes hooked up to the machine and I whispered to the sky above "My poor sweet Mommy doesn't want her soul split like this." to look back and see all the things I felt and all the thoughts I had during that time in the high stress, little sleep. My visions, my personal thoughts and feeling were all connected to outer space surrounding me as I wish to find God or the highest form of energy out there to come rescue my mother. She would rescue me when my father was screaming in my face or swinging his leather belt. At least I thought she was, if I had been her though seeing such anger from my husband befall my little children I would of kick him to the curb in a single look of the true fire in my eyes called to protect my own babies above all else, he would be done as a partner for me. He would never be able to react like that again in MY presence.  So the sad fact is my mother was the only person I grow up trusting in my family really even though she was afraid of her own shadow,  I think fear often creates our own personal stories of wishing to be rescued by our parents, even if they are creating that same fear! I thank God every day that my childhood didn't last forever, I praise the universe for allowing me to grow up and finally be safe in my own peaceful walls! At the hospital I longed for the arms of my extended family to come through the doors, realizing suddenly that time in my life had slipped away because now I AM the adult, the one who now does the hugging and the listening. 
It was interesting to me in sharing my split soul story at the time not very many people seemed to understand what I was saying in fact I had 2 friends stop hanging out with me after I shared my whole spiritual experiences of how outer space is in these layers like in our DNA sometimes our soul gets trapped or stuck in it's over all journey in those colorful lines......I have no idea what is really going on out there, I can simply share all I see or think in my wonder and in my wish for everything to be made whole again!

Slipping Through My Fingers - Meryl Streep, Amanda Seyfried

The Goddess Gaia

For the world is always growing, moving and dancing! There is unseen energy always at work in the universe that some call "God." or some call "The Force." There are hundreds of references to our ideas in spirituality, there is an endless cycle of human history in studying or devoting themselves to answering those big mysterious questions of life and death. We can conclude with all our recordings, writings, and legendary stories that we can only hope, we can only wonder in all these great depths in our purpose here on this earth.......because the evidence is still unknown, with all these sparks in our imaginations our stories and our feelings can allow us to believe, like with magic it is always referred to but never fully explained. Such is our long list of questions in our humanity and in our calling to help others and the earth while we live here.
How magical and how beautiful would Gaia be if we could capture her in physical form? How wonderful it is to believe in something beyond our own self, and trust that everything is connected into the true magic that once covered this land before we allowed our societies to become so very busy! 
I wonder if the comforts of our mothers make us even more longing towards the spiritual world in hopes to always have that comforting presence that we first felt at birth? 
I have been feeling excited about learning more of the longing we always have inside our hearts to be loved especially by our mothers, to have our parents be proud or be our friends as we grow older....Life moves at full speed from generation to generation unless we choose to stop for a moment and whisper to the sky above of how we want peace, of how we need calmness to wash over us keeping us safe and strong for the next journey we take after death......If I could call upon Gaia to walk me out into her light and loving arms so powerful and perfect then that would be such a perfect way to die for me.....Yet it is her magic that I can see so clearly from the tree tops to the broken logs on the ground as I begin to grow out into my own magical ways! Mother Gaia, my Goddess of  grace giving birth to the earth I praise her warmth of sun light and dancing winds! 
I am grateful for my life, for being a woman and for all the good out in the world battling and winning over the whole universe!
  It's exciting to circle back around to the Goddess Gaia for in my mind's eye She is SO beautiful, bright and brilliant!

The mythological name was revived in 1979 by James Lovelock, in Gaia: A New Look at Life on Earth; his Gaia hypothesis was supported by Lynn Margulis. 
The hypothesis proposes that living organisms and inorganic material are part of a dynamic system that shapes the Earth's biosphere, and maintains the Earth as a fit environment for life.
 In some Gaia theory approaches the Earth itself is viewed as an organism with self-regulatory functions. Further books by Lovelock and others popularized the Gaia Hypothesis, which was widely embraced and passed into common usage as part of the heightened awareness of environmental concerns of the 1990s.

Hare Krishna Hare Rama [Full HD] - Awesome Song by Krishna Das

Mother Nature

            The wild life all around us is truly so beautiful and when I am feeling overwhelmed or deeply emotional I sit in such nature to think and to let myself grow.
Grief and loss is never going to leave me I have come to realize now, I have always said "It's how you choose to LIVE with such pain that counts." But it's another thing to struggle on in honestly facing HOW does one LIVE with a constant sense of loss??? My best friend Benny was someone I called on the phone daily or weekly, we sometimes talked for a couple of hours or just for a couple of minuets....She knew how to share with me what she was thinking very naturally, while also listening to me vent or talk about my life. So when my life feels stressful or crazy with funny stories about my husband or pets I have to stop myself from thinking "I should call Benny and tell her about this!" having that kind of sisterhood was a huge part of my life that now 2 years later Benny's death is a constant fact of how I can never go back. It was so nice to have her in my life in more ways I never realized until I arrive to this day and look back sadly wishing to hear her say "Hey There Debster, what's up?" Siting in the park, walking the green belt along the Boise River in the mid morning sunshine, I chit chat with her in my mind and as the birds sing, as the squirrels run by I can feel my soul healing still, my helpless trapped feeling lessen and my wonder for the world come alive all around me. I will live on in all these layers of emotions, in all these thoughts I have to work out without her input. Mother Nature is my teacher for all the magic of beauty that surrounds me, she is the comfort I need in moments that flare up of my frustration over missing my best friend.
 


Benny said "I don't have a friend like you back home, I was realizing this the other day that no one new in my life knows me like you do and I am just so grateful for how you are always so happy to see me and how you stop your life just to hang out whenever I swing into town." I laughed back at her nodding "We are grown ups now so making new friends with such history takes time and risk in judgement or rejection.....so knowing you will never have to worry with me is truly so nice! I will ALWAYS stop my life to see ya for THAT is what best friends are for!" 

I walked over the bridge to stop looking out at the fast moving Boise river, Mother Nature is pure BEAUTY! Time holds still for no one but when you share your life along side good friends then it feels like such beauty will never end! The ducks flew in to float in the water and I smiled wiping my sad eyes for I am grateful to have all my little moments and memories, to have all my conversations and inspiration as I seek out such warm comfort from Mother nature herself at any time of the day that I need her help to heal and learn as I go!

Mother Mary

"Speaking words of wisdom, let it BE."
I would have to say this song never gets old, it comes down to the best advice I have ever taken to heart.
For in my life when I am just focused on Being here in this moment of the day at this very second of breathing then I am truly balanced through my body and mind....I am not lost in memories or emotions that distract me. I am not busy in activities or events happening currently all around me....Instead I am in that special space of neither planning ahead nor trying to remember the past. I love that feeling of freedom in just being! To BE that is something I deeply desire always for my life time and would it be my first advice to all of mankind. Stop breath, think of nothing but how wonderful the earth looks full of this spring season and simply just  Let yourself  BE......

To Our Mothers

To our mothers we long for safety and security.

 

We look back and remember them with a smile, for even in bad moods or angry judgement our mothers were teaching us how to survive, how to grow up wise.

 

To our mothers we seek out acceptance and appreciation.

We look to our mothers all through out our lives for love and laughter, for hugs and help.

To our mothers we live because of their strength in giving us a birth-day.

We look on in awe of all things living together for we can't make such life happen without our mothers, without their desire to save us and raise us up into this wonderful world!

To our mothers on this day to celebrate, may we never fear our fate because we understand what we had in the endless love, the endless care and concern from our mothers.

Mother Earth

It's a powerful feeling to think of our beloved Earth in having a real mother! To call all the unseen energy around the earth as it is cycling and producing Mother Earth is a BEAUTIFUL description! One so truly perfect to me!
And with Mother's Day rapidly approaching it is on all of our minds in how we will honor or remember our own Mothers.
To find comfort in all of nature and in all of the wild life among us, we can use a very ancient terminology to describe this unseen force of life all around that is so endearing and sacred, to make it so personal like our Mother. The earth is for everyone to care over, to share and to reproduce. Mother Earth can be for the motherless and the lonely. 
I have to ask myself If God is masculine, all powerful and strong as the bible teaches then in all respect he would need a female Goddess to help him give birth such LIFE here on this very real land. It makes complete sense to me that there needs to be equal status for male and female in the God head of our worship.  This is my favorite part of studying religions and legions because the whole story of this Earth is by far bigger then one chapter recorded in the Bible but rather an endless wonder for our human spirit to reach out and seek! I am in AWE of all my studies over the years, in all my joy of realizing how "God" is not so right or wrong after all, for in the spirit world it is not ever limited, nor defined by the human physical society in which all these extra rules are made. Therefore I believe as I grow older I am barely grasping it's true depths for my own personal soul and body. My wonder, my imagination and my life force is NOT ever stuck in one way of believing, so really not knowing for sure what is how my mind sees the world now, my wonder grow out into outer space, it grows with the every breath I take! This has all taught me to really believe in magic!!! And what a MAGICAL world it is with Mother nature by my side!

I believe in what I can not see just as I did when I was a kid being raised in a christian home. Although I will never go back to that organized religion, nor will I ever have such title in being apart of a whole group like that again. I look back at my life and my past in true clarity for all I have learned and all the stages of growth I have gone through. I still chose to believe in what I can not see, not letting my being betrayed in religion to jade my outlook for it all actually set me FREE in the end! Now there are NO limits to my imagination for the spectacular stories in spirituality!
 I can now discovered what is true for just ME, for my own soul. I have created a different God full of grace in my mind's eye, and a Mother Earth who keeps the secrets of birth, she keeps the secrets of all things so amazingly undefined! 
Nothing can stay the same in me as I chose magic over facts, as I like believing, I like seeking out new knowledge, new classic stories of legends! When I first discovered the idea of a female God I was overjoyed and grateful to be able to finally relate to such a better idea of who God could be....a better idea of worshiping privately and sacredly like in Hinduism.
For I adore the Hindu religion of both a male and female God head, Krishna and Radha. because they are beautiful together ever watchful over the universe equally responsible and equally glorified! I will always be in true awe of them and thankful to of discovered their spiritual beings and stories for my own heart's delight.

Looking back in my childhood I liked the term "Mother Earth." as well for my imagination felt free by such a beautiful name, I even used it when I was 10 years old once and my mother freaked out. 
It was terrifying to her that I was using such a secular term in replacement to GOD. and I recall that event in my life so perfectly because she freaked out so startling and because I felt like the term "Mother Earth" made such perfect sense to me! For where does life come from? I looked at our mothers who give birth to us thinking life comes from a woman, so naturally the earth needs a mother too! This is why I think Mother Earth has such a strong feeling in her name. For her beauty is ever changing, her gifts of life in all things from trees, flowers and honey bees are never ending all around us like magical fairy dust! The power of this earth is majestic and even mysterious! So why not give honor to the Mother of all things above us? This mother's day weekend has me loving these endless questions and endless ideas for a better world of wonder out there! I am in awe of the seasons, of all these days here on earth where life explodes, where it begins and ends over and over again! To our mothers who braved such pain, such messy discomfort and struggle to see us born all the while trying to stay healthy and strong so we can have a fighting chance to live! 

To Mother Earth who watches over our new mothers for us and foresaw the future in each of our newborn arrivals as the circle of life gave way to the balance in all things. To the hope for everyone as we draw breath in beginning again on this ever amazing earth!

Krishna Das - Breath of the Heart - Kashi vishwanath gange

The Fairies at night

This has been a crazy busy stressful month of April....I guess it's not April anymore actually! For I sure was busy every day in the last 3 weeks! 
I am glad it is now May, because I am ready to just gardening and listening to my old radio out in the warm mid-morning sun light once again.
Life gets so scheduled and so routine that I love when I can mix it up by digging down and getting the ground to look Beautiful once again!
Having my mother and brother here last week was very productive, very nice to be with them while still caring for my own family too.

Safety for my dogs has been my biggest motivation lately, I don't hate the big always barking dogs next door but I don't trust them at the same time. They are nice to me for I give them doggie biscuits and chit chat as if I know them personally. I also command them to "Go lay down." and they DO! Then I smile very proudly to still work in my backyard without them charging the fence loudly. 
My Brother Davey put in a fence that keeps my dogs from getting up to the gate where Eddie got bitten by Lola last June and almost died from his jaw infection. I felt sick to my stomach over worry and care of him that THIS had happened on MY watch, IN my yard and during my time with him. Little Eddie and I get along just fine, I never leave his side when he visits even now he avoids ever returning to that spot in my yard by the gate so I decide it needed a new fence Because I NEVER want that to happen again! SO I hired my brother to put in a new safety fence which looks so good now and I decorated the fence poles with solar lights. This will keep my dogs safely away from the wobbly old wooden fence and the space in old gates. My cats can still roam from chicken coop to the trail they never go anywhere near our neighbor's dogs like the smart cats I know them to be. And as the darkness rolls into my home I smile so proudly at the sudden burst of light that shines from the new setup. Just like Fairies coming down to check over the land, to keep us protected and safe! I admire my ideas that have come to life and have brought peace and security to my home once again along with that magical touch I hope to always make this place better and better as I live here!

By the light of day

This has been a stressful week with dog-siting Jazmin the 16 month old golden pup.She barks and barks at night until I go sleep with her in the guest room, then she barks in the early morning jumping up and down going CRAZY until I let her outside then I quickly get dress and take her for a walk in hopes to leave my old calm lazy pets at home and give them a break from her craziness. It's a beautiful world out there at 8am in the warming new spring season and I have walked everywhere once again over the town of Boise in which I love so much! Yet today Jazmin goes home and I will take a long peaceful nap finally!

She is such a beautiful dog, huge and strong, clueless and not trained but willing to learn and willing to please so I will hope for the best in her life to be better and her aging to calm her down more. But as the light of morning found us walking the greenbelt or the foothills she never seemed very sure about nature, never sure about bonding with me. In our late afternoons we ran around town together walking around the state capital or all the sidewalks for 10 blocks and back. I like how calm she is when I drive but I will not miss her endless barking tonight and It was a busy week I kept her with me everywhere but she never could calm down in the evenings so I was glad to be strong enough to hold her leash and walk in the early morning scent of this beautiful world AND I am glad she is going home today as I put flowers in vases yesterday her tail smacked the first bouquet to the floor and I quickly put it up higher laughing at how she still had no clue that she caused that where as my 3 little dogs would of been looking guilty or alarmed by such chaos to unfold around them. 

Soooooo Taking a deep breath every early morning, chugging down my coffee and holding strong to Jazmin leash and commanding "Sit, sit, sit....calm down, let's walk." Then taking off beside the moving river and listening to the song birds made me grateful that I could smell lilacs in the air of lacking sleep and dog covered hair on my sweater. I liked having this busy crazy week to make me realize just how calm I truly live right now with all my loving lazy pets.