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Monday, May 25, 2015

Sleepless skies

The full moon had me ever so happy on my midnight walk along the ditch bank, It was helpful to see where I was walking lost in my thoughts and prayers. Back then the orchard farm was so rich and healthy!
I was 17 years old and the wonder of the world was all round me! Having my own bedroom in the little cottage across the yard from my parent's main home allowed me to walk without fear, to be outside freely after everyone was sound asleep. Sometimes my sister would walk with me and sometimes I walked alone never to very far but just enough to feel free under all those amazing stars!
I was struggling so much at the time with what to do with my life and wondering why was I so afraid of growing up? 
Nature, the wide open farm gave me such comfort on those nights, I was never in bed before 3am back then ha! I loved being up while the earth was so quiet and so sparkly!
I loved having my own time to think and reflect over all the events in a day before.....My mother had her second baby boy in the house by this time so she agreed that my sister and I could move out into the little cottage after all. Their home was getting crowded, I will always remember the wonder of those days! Oooooh the sweet sweet freedom! The happiness my sister had and all the hours we stayed up so late even staying up completely till the next day arrived because we were just so happy to be there in our own little private place!
I loved taking a long hot showers whenever I wanted without my father getting mad or worried over no more hot water for himself. In our own bedrooms my sister and I chatted easily and decorated our own walls the way we wanted. Sometimes I miss those moments in how magical it felt to be in my very own bedroom for the first time! Feeling like my sister was a real friend for the first time in my life was also delightful to! Of course those good memories are easy to find for I hold them so close to my heart! and they never out number the hundreds of bad moments that I was about to face in those new ever changing days. Without nature, without those wide open skies I would never of found God to be so glorious and so graceful! I think back to those days realizing now just how vital  to me they really were! For i used those midnight walks to reflectively look at my life and learn how to survive.
I didn't want to grow up because I was so afraid of the unknown out there, yet I wasn't afraid at all standing under a huge sky full of stars out in the middle of an orchard farm! I think back to those sleepless nights when I was deeply grateful for my own time with no worries of bumping into my emotional mother or my angry father. I was just there, walking and thinking in my own freedom, in my own self and trying  to wisely plan out my appoarching future in which only the stars above in the universe could actually see that far ahead for me!

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