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Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Age of Lost

           It is true that I can't wait to be older, wiser and calmer for my over all life, and yet I CAN wait at the very same time because with age comes lost, with lost comes understanding and gratefulness for the simple moment of right now.

Last night's big potato drop downtown Boise on the Grove was a first for this area in hopes to bring more people out and about in the winter's coldness.
It was cold out naturally as most new year's eve are, I have been realizing the end of year holds many emotions for me almost like a forced "re-cap" I am dealing with my sense of lost, I want to talk to my best friend so badly that it feels like walking into a solid wall with no way out!
Over dinner my husband asked me why is this sorrow resurfacing again in me and I knew it was because of New year's eve, where I am caught once again between hope for the future and helpless lost of the past.
Last night's event brought people out from ALL over, it was fun to see yet I felt worn thin, cold and ready to hold my pets closer then ever before back at home all cozy and warm. 
As we grow older our age of lost grows bigger, our depth and soul become challenged even when we think that we are so strong....or we want to let go all our worries and be happy again.
I am not so sure this year will be better then the last but I guess there's no way to avoid it either way. 
It is true that I have changed, 
I think maybe it's wisdom or just alertness of all the things I can not control....I can not change, so I want to let it ALL go and just BE. That may mean to be sad or to be guarded or
hitting that wall in wanting to connect again to someone I can't, maybe one day I will learn to build a bridge. It's important to know how to live along side these years as they unfold, as they give or take away. I want to capture it all good and bad, to be a balanced person especially when they bring about odd things like a HUGE potato hanging in the sky!

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