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Saturday, May 25, 2013

Cooking Day

These days have been busy trying to see my mother has been a bit more difficult, I am glad we got out there the other day to cook her a mother's day meal.
It's been a long journey to let go of my parents care, my father will always be uncomfortable around women and will light up over his many stories about his job, I can simply see him in a real honest way. My mother was always the comforter, the quiet calm one when next to my father, while I grew up my mother liked having her own space from us kids so we had much more freedom then when our father watched over us.  As my husband began cooking, I sat with my Mother giving her a manicure just as my Father said to one of my teenaged brothers "I have a job for you." I chuckled because sometimes nothing actually changes over 20 years.
"THIS is REAL food Dad." Davey said with a grin as they dished up the meal, my father laughed. My father and his 3 boys still at home have some trouble in cooking food not from a can. When my husband Tony made steaks and shrimp scampi the place lit up in amazing aromas, I knew shrimp would make my mother very happy, So I peeled them and she ate them up!
I am glad that my mother is doing good, glad she is learning to do more and more on her own. My teenaged brothers have grown over the last 2 years in caring for her also. I am glad that I have stepped back in being around them so much, On this day that I showed up I noticed my brothers scrambled around to make sure the water bowls were full and the pets had eaten so that I wouldn't freak out. IF this is what it takes to teach them how to care for the critters then I am glad to be known for such things!
This is not my home anymore, Understanding the land for what it is now and not how nice it use to be when my Grandpa was alive.
I do hang on to family as I wish they could be, I am very different now when I visit for I learned to let go and just be. I am not so worried, not so emotional and not working so hard anymore at what can not be as well. Understanding everything is how I get through, letting everyone act how they want is also part of being respectful.
My mother is forever changed from her stroke, always going to look for the next best thing to do or go, she will always want comforting foods over healthy foods and she will keep thinking if she could just get back to those places she vacationed when she was normal then she will be happy again.
I will try to help her when I can and be strong when I have to tell her No in her many request, I like to redirect her focus and bring something fun that she CAN do right now. She will always be seeking and searching because she is missing half of herself now.

Sitting outside with my mom, her hair is white and curly, her arm is curled up on her lap with a blanket over her wide shoulders against the evening breeze. She had her cane in her good hand to move outside with my brothers help and sat next to me in that early evening. I know my mother is overweight, her eyes have dark circles that I wonder if she actually sleeps at night anymore or not. How she looks and what she says is a journey for her. As we sat there enjoying the fresh air and summer like world around us, We chatted and I was glad to be there then I said to her "Tony says it's not fair that I can find such great deals in the thrift stores, because no one dresses like me! Yet he can't find that much." My mother burst out laughing and smiling and I thought she looks so beautiful sitting there! 
Then she asked "Can we go to Savers?" and it was my turn to laugh <3

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