Chaos

In comparison to my life a year ago, I would say I am in the middle of chaos. Last year was a stressful sad time learning to handle the aftermath of my mother's stroke. I shall always refer to 2011 as the year of tears. This year can be summed up as the year of chaos! No doubt for all the dramas and adjustments in having to move. The crazy ways of chickens and dogs sharing a yard, my life and time among boxes, cats and a roommate. It has me all convinced that THIS is a crazy year! 
While my husband has started his law school and his new  class schedule keeps us up very late almost every night! Augh!  or Yawn!
My pets are restless in adjusting to our new home and our new routines.....
My mind is on a million projects for my yard and gardens, only to never actually BE home enough to complete them! Sadness! 
Things like that can leave me feeling crazy in this chaos....magical moments are just slipping by! 
Chaos is when life is moving, happening at such a high speed at the very same time that everything needs to be done at once or when everyone needs a bit of your time at the exact same moment! Noises all run into each other and you should have been at 2 places at once!
 I can't borrow fears or worries of something falling through, of not being able to create a home that I am use to, Instead I have learned to live among the chaos....THIS is what surprises me the most! The fact I can see outside of my life as it is right now and know it will all move on to be organized one day again. 
I am grateful for each simple walk in the park, each sunset at night and every strong cup of coffee in the mornings, Mostly on the rare mornings of being startled awake by my roommate and his girlfriend making coffee and such in the kitchen. I often lay there counting my blessings in my busy, changing life to both help me fall back to sleep or "Count it all Joy". I think even in this chaos of things beyond my control I just let go and live in it all of this as is! I am made happier in thinking like that then in thinking I am WAY to old for such chaos.....
I think what I am trying to say is that I would never ever want to go backwards in my life, would NEVER want to be a kid again that is for sure! I just want to understand why I am spinning in circles while moving forwards right now......Like a storm, like I am sucked out to sea, sooooo I ride these waves in the ocean telling myself over and over again the way I see this situation or story of my life is within my power and choice to make it crazy or good. I just hope I can make the right choices as I swim!