The Truth Be Told

I sat in the old diner at a booth with my father as the sun was coming up through the east side of the window where we sat facing each other. I was 15 years old that cold November morning as Dad had woke me up when it was still dark saying he was taking just me to breakfast. I was truly thrilled since eating out for breakfast was my favorite time of the day...maybe not THAT early. I was thinking to myself that I would tell my father all about my life and my thoughts. I was always working so hard at trying to have a friendship with him, but at that very moment in my life, in my mind everything froze. I sat there with a lump in my throat for my bite of bacon and eggs were stuck. I blinked back my sudden tears and my racing heart rang in my ears as I drank my water glass down. Dad sat holding a brown old fashioned mug of coffee in Caldwell's Sunrise Cafe that winter's morning.

"Did you hear me, Debby?" He asked as I quickly nodded. I played back what had just happened like a scene in a movie. "So I brought you here this morning because I feel you are now old enough to know." Dad said as I happily cut at my eggs with my fork and neatly set a piece a bacon in the same bite. "That this Christmas Eve we will no longer be going up the hill to Grandma and Grandpa Graber's house." I had just swallowed in mid second and froze. My eyes were wide and alarmed for I never knew a Christmas eve any where else BUT at my Grandparents! While I had spent hours and hours helping Grandma Norma decorate her home, I watched Grandpa stock pile the fire wood around the stoves. I thought of my Uncle Dan, my Aunt Sonja their kids, BreAnne, Brandt and Kendra. My Aunt Kathy, my uncle Robert and their son Ryan. My Aunt Karen had a new husband named Fernando. A year prior as they were dating, she unexpectedly became pregnant with my cousin. This was a huge scandal for our conservative Christian family. My parents did not approve of this marriage due to its sinful beginnings. Fernando was an odd guy who talked only of money. He couldn't help himself. If you stood by him he would say, "These shoes I am wearing were a hundred dollars." I would reply surprised "Oh wow! just for shoes?!" He would grin proudly at me, and I would roll my eyes as I walked away. In fact when visiting his apartment when my Aunt was still pregnant with my cousin Joshua, he only ever spoke about money, mainly the cost of everything in his new home. I noticed it as being very odd, but at the time I just thought he didn't know us very well to talk about anything else maybe. "Grandma will be so sad!" I finally exclaimed once the frozen moment passed. Dad shrugged "Well she should have thought about that BEFORE she took in Fernando. He isn't welcomed in THIS family, when the bible verse says those who sin will cause yourself to sin you must disown them. Only by doing this, can God's will be known by them that have sinned. Debby did you know that in this whole year since Joshua was born your Aunt Karen, who you say you love so much..." He rolled his eyes at this making me want to cry out but instead I bit my tongue looking down at my now cold bacon and eggs, he kept on explaining to me as I sat there frozen. "SHE never asked for forgiveness for sinning like she did, for breaking all of our hearts with her own selfishness. They are no longer family, we will NOT even be in the same room with them!" Dad slammed his mug down on to the counter. He was rattled by the situation and his temper flared. I sank into the booth holding my breath. "I want to be there for Christmas eve!"  I stated forcefully as tears flooded over my eyes. I quickly held my breath, surprised at my bold response to my father.  I whispered back at him as he looked at me really long and hard. "You should make THEM not come! We were here first! We should get our Grandparents on Christmas Eve, they can come visit on Christmas day instead!" I cried and cried until my father said his most famous line of my whole childhood "DRY IT UP! Stop crying RIGHT NOW!" I was hiccuping with emotion and tears. I tried to regain my composure by focusing on the beautiful sun light now surrounding us as we sat in the old cafe. I could tell that Dad was uncomfortable that I didn't just go along with what he had said as he expected me to. My crying, that he always had a hard time handling, now made him even more mad. I had to force myself to be brave to "Dry it up". Now that breakfast time was ruined and not at all what I was hoping it would be, Dad tried to comfort me by saying, "You shouldn't be crying, you know that this is what God wants. Remember when you get sad that you are doing this for God and He will be glorified by our sacrifices." He stared at me hard waiting for my agreement, but I just cowered down in my seat nodding silently and not hungry anymore.

That afternoon, Grandma Norma called down to ask me to help her with more cleaning. That morning's conversation with my dad still burned in my memory. My parents had already made it clear to her that we would not be attending, and I was nervous to face her, being put in the middle of a family dispute. I begrudgingly asked my mother if I could go to be polite to my grandma, but I really didn't want to go. My mom hesitated, but then said it was OK.  
Grandma was in her kitchen when I arrived, and I smiled trying to make the best of the situation.  Her eyes were swollen and red. It was obvious she had been crying. I could see her hands were shaking as she held a wet cloth over her forehead and took it off only  to nod at me. She seemed to be lost in thought as she just stared down the hill towards my house thinking about her eldest daughter, my mother and the heartbreak my parents were causing on this holiday season. Seeing my Grandma's face that day STILL haunts me. Though I said as cheerfully as I could, "I will start vacuuming right away!" I was dusting the stair railing at the top of the stairs when my Grandpa appeared below. He looked at me with a sad expression. My grandpa was a  tall gray haired man with long arms and he walked by shuffling feet due to his old age. I could tell that even with his usual difficulties, something else was weighing on him as well. Indeed the whole house seemed under a black cloud even in this usually festive time of year. I noticed his familiar light blue v-neck sweater that I loved as a child for its soft wool. "What is it Grandpa?" I said concerned. His defeated look was a stark contrast to his usual strong silent type demeanor. I loved this man as my hero, his calm attitude always made me feel safe around him. If I saw him laughing or smiling I felt like all my fears went away and everything in the world was going to be okay. But at this very moment I thought he was going to cry standing there looking at me, "What is wrong?" I asked again, standing up quickly going down the stairs to him. Sometimes he looked so old, so disabled and faint. I put one hand against his long back he handed me in silence, a coin. It was heavy as it touched my palm, I looked down at it.  It was a 1898 silver dollar. "It was the year my mother was born and I want you to have it.  It's not a million dollars, just one silver dollar. A Lady Liberty," he explained and I nodded while wiping my tears. He began to walk away but stopped to look at me thoughtfully for another moment then said words I never forgot "That's your Christmas gift, Debby don't ever forget .....and always be good." He smiled as I announced "I am putting this somewhere safe!" Grandma appeared from the kitchen and looked at us both. She came to me and hugged me. Through her tears from crying hard and long, she said "Your parents can't keep all you kids from Christmas eve! That is just NOT right! It's NOT Christian!" I was alarmed by this out burst from her because this was the first time she had confided in me regarding a fight with my mom.I just held her and as we embraced, I saw Grandpa as he was leaving quickly out the front door and he was crying too.  Now holding that same silver dollar tonight while I type this, I am saying to the spirit of my Grandpa "I don't forget."