July 5 1999

While I laid on my back in the soft dirt on the ground looking up to the fire works display on the fourth of July in the year 1999, I was 20 years old. I had a long sleeved hoody sweater shirt that kept the weeds and rocks from getting into my long blond hair. Now it was a big group of church friends and college aged kids that I was there with. My very close and best friend Joanie had been acting oddly ever since the boy she really liked had shown up. "Come on! We have to lay down out there to capture the fireworks!" I exclaimed to her when the first one burst out into the dark summer night. Joanie glanced over her shoulder at me while rolling her eyes, "You would!" she snorted back and walk over the noisy group of guys instead. Standing there alone I wasn't hurt by her reaction no doubt she didn't care either way what I did. I couldn't help but watch her move closer to again the boy she really liked. I chuckled then shaking my head for boys will always be there, but fireworks like this only come once a year. I loved laying on my back directly under the falling magic in the sky. My very first thought as I ran out into the field flopping down on my back was "I wonder where Tony is tonight." My co-worker, a new friend for over the last 6 weeks was a 19 year old boy named Tony with cerbal plasy. He had challenged me to stand up for myself, to think logically not just emotionally all the time. Our long afternoon conversations in between customers had mostly to do with religion, sometimes politics and sometimes social events in the news but we always came back to the disagreements over religion since I was a hard nose Republican, with legalistic views about salvation and how important honoring your parents was. I had never been challenge to think really about what I was told, though I was marked as a rebel, and troublemaker among my own family. I was still very faithful to the whole system. Tony was my knight and shinning armor in the form of such deep discussions and arguments. "You don't have to take it so personal, I was just asking. I am not saying I have the answers but I do have doubt...You NEVER had doubt?" He asked me one afternoon while I was sweeping the floor of the store. I stuck my nose up at him proclaiming back "Doubt is the lack of Faith, I have faith my Parents would know what is best for me." He looked at me for a long pause and my heart was going to burst into a thousand pieces. He said so simply, so calming "Faith can be another form of fear." I was bewildered, I was in love. 

After the firework show I dusted myself off out in the field realizing I didn't want to sleep over that night at my best friend's house after all. I drove home thinking how my life felt like it was changing, I was beginning to wake up in the real world around me, for I had more questions then answers. So I made up my mind to ask Tony the next day some more big questions.

Now I watched for him all day long , I wanted to casually invite him out for coffee or dinner. Just so we could really talk without any interruptions.When Tony finally popped in for his pay check while dropping his brother off to work and since I was now off the clock, I approached him boldly.

"So I was wondering if you were busy tonight? Would you like to get a bite to eat or a coffee later?" I waited holding my breath and looking at him directly. Tony was sitting in the office chair by the computer. I could see that I caught him completely off guard. His eyes were huge then he bumped the computer mouse to the floor. So I picked it up and he was then sitting back in the chair pushing his hands together with the finger tips forming a triangle resting below his chin. He was now acting like a school teacher deep in thought and calmly watching me with a twinkle in his eye. I shifted quickly around to sit half on the desk in front of him to make myself also look casually relaxed. "I was just thinking we never finished that important discussion about why Jesus has to be the son of God. I have come up with some new ideas for that question. Maybe we could finally go out to really visit?" I asked now acting like if he said no it would be no big deal.  
"Is this what guys feel like when asking a girl out?" I wondered to myself. Tony had a huge smile on his face as he replied "Sure let me put it all together, I will pick you up at your place at 7pm. We will get dinner and movie in Boise." He winked at me as I exclaimed back "No I will just meet up with you where do you want to eat?" My deepest fear was of him meeting my family. Tony leaned forward with such an adorable smile "I am not that kind of guy, I will pick you up from your home. You deserve to be spoiled now and again." He chuckled as I explained I lived so far out in the country. As he chuckled he wave at me "I will be there at seven." I left quickly while nervously passing Tony's brother Dusty who said "You really need a life Donkey Kong,(it was his nickname for me with my initials being DK) You are always hanging around long after you are off the clock!" again Dusty rolled his eyes at me and I just laughed back at him while waving goodbye. I was wondering how long after I was gone that Tony would tell his brother I had just asked him out? My hands were shaking as I drove home for I realized I had NEVER EVER invited a boy to my home before..."My parents are going to kill me!" was all I thought of at that moment.

It just so happened to be my Grandpa's birthday as I got home Mom had a big cake made for her Dad. I quickly mentioned Tony coming over too. I wasn't so bold to say how I really felt towards Tony instead I said calmly "Well I have a co-worker friend coming out tonight we are going to see a movie or get a coffee I am really not sure what yet...I have mentioned him to you before." Mom didn't stop wrapping her gifts and just nodded "Okay sure...We need to get up the hill now." No one reacted or even noticed me so I quickly got myself ready for a date without really letting myself think it was a date. When my little Grandma Norma saw Tony for the first time she hugged me whispering happily "Oh now he is so cute!" She was thrilled and super sweet to him. While everyone else stood there staring in shock, My father quickly folded his arms and asked Tony a string of questions. My Grandpa gave Tony a few suspicious frowns, while my mother hissed at me "Why did you bring him up here?"  I replied quickly "Tony wanted to meet my family, so here we are but now we are leaving gotta catch a movie!" My Grandma even hugged Tony saying "You are welcomed back any time! My Granddaughter is a sweetheart and I can see you are too!" I was very proud of my Grandma, of how kind she made her home feel while the glares I got from my parents were like darts I had to dodge.

The hour drive into Boise was another great discussion and argument, it felt like Tony and I would never run out of something to talk about...I kept thinking in my mind that when I get back home my parents were going to kill me. even though I was a 20 year old woman and my own Mother had a second child on the way at my age, I still felt that they saw me as just a 14 year old girl, in many ways I allowed them to have that kind of hold on me. I wanted to always follow the rules and make the right choices to honor my parents and seek God's blessing in my life. Though now I realized while riding in Tony's car that I had made a very bold move. I was suddenly changing the rules, I was about to challenge myself, my parents and the whole system I lived under. The movie had just begun in the dark theater I saw Tony's hand resting close to my own so I took it. It was as if fireworks went off in my heart just by holding his hand I realized I had found my soul mate and life long partner. A couple of years later Tony told me he would never forget that night when I took his hand for he felt like fireworks went off in his own heart, it had surprised him because he had girlfriends before but never a moment like that! He knew from that moment on as we sat through out the rest of film hand in hand that he would fight for me. For he, like my own self was in love!

When he dropped me off at home later that night I said "Sorry for the long drive back." He smiled so sweetly "I would  drive you any where you want to go, no matter the miles." I smiled back at him and waved goodbye thinking that no one had ever said that to me before. Tony was going to end up being my ultimate best of all my friends, my true love for all of my life time. I wasn't aware of it back then, but I had just open the door to unconditional Love.