A leap of Faith

Having Tony's new friendship in my life was both exciting and comforting to me. I was amazed that with every rude comment from my Father or the long glares of my mother, that Tony still came around for our family dinners. Now once Mom realized I liked Tony she sent my brother Derek with me on all my outings after that first date on July 5th. Poor Derek even if he wanted to stay home I would grab him by the arm and say annoyingly "You HAVE to come." It was obvious to me why he was the spy for my parents, they were really mad at me for not telling them I wanted to date Tony. So with Derek tagging along I knew I had nothing to hide, I really took on those days with Derek as a test of strength. "We need to get home now." Derek would whined as I lingered through the mall. I just smiled back at him waving the car keys up in the air in reply. "My curfew isn't until 11pm, so we could be here all night." I would grinned then Derek would exclaimed "I want to go home now!" I guess he suffered also, being my dating police brother.

Now Tony was nice to Derek at first...then he just gave up trying to make any conversation. The first outing was at the coffee shop in Caldwell when Derek told Tony that just because Tony went to college didn't mean he was smart. Derek was always insisting he was right in every discussion and then he would stare at me if I held on to Tony's hand. So while I had hope for a friendship with Derek back in those days I understood I was about to be tested beyond belief.

There were so many late night discussions with my parents that turned into shouting situations. Mostly I stayed in my cottage bedroom to avoid this conflict. Derek also moved over to take my old room shortly after Tony came into the picture.  (I wasn't surprise)

Now when my sister Dana was my room mate she kept the same hours I did, but with Derek whenever a girlfriend of mine stayed over or watched movies even if we just sat up talking, he would call from his room that is was getting late. We would usually just burst out laughing at him. I also reminded him that this was my cottage first, and that I knew he was moved over as a spy for Mom. For shortly after my sister Dana ran away from home all the trust between me and our Parents had also gone away. Especially with my mother who often found me in my room with her revelation from God. "Debby!" she would fly in to the cottage crying as I alarmed went to her. "Mom!? What is wrong? What happened?" I asked her as she took a moment to breath then exclaim "God has been laying it on my heart all day to let you know, this is so wrong! This is really a dangerous path for you!" I would stop my racing heart to looked oddly at her having a funny feeling another "Tony" topic was about to unfold. So after having been scared to death by my dramatic mother, I would lay awake most of the night praying about God's will for my life. If I was being selfish and sinful I needed to change, I kept thinking I must be in God's way for Tony's life. At least those were the very words of my mother as well. "You HAVE to brake up with him and never see him again! He isn't right for you. Let God use him in another place. He is just acting like he wants to be a christian to be close to you!" My Mother would sit on my couch in my bedroom making me doubt and worry over my life. "Okay, then I will pray about it and tell Tony that he should stop trying to see me. The last thing I want to do is trip God up on his divine plans." Happy again Mom would leave my bedroom, while I wondered why my heart didn't agree with this logic. Tony was the most spiritual guy I had ever met, he not only studied religion in college but he attended 3 places of worship on an average Sunday. God and Faith were the main topics of our beginning friendship, so I was challenged by my parents, by Tony and my own inner thoughts. Now I had been seeking out an intelligent calm guy all my life, Tony made me the happiest girl in the world just by asking me what do I think the after life would be like. So meeting at the coffee shop, at the Mexican restaurant "Casa Elenas" or just taking a drive around the country side we talked about so many things. Tony was always so thoughtful, he never reacted dramatically when I said we could not see each other anymore for it just upsets my parents to much. "Besides God needs me to move out of the way so you can find your faith..." I explained to Tony one night outside my cottage on the farm. He just nodded glancing side ways at the shadow of my mom through the window of her home, then he smiled back before driving away stating "Maybe YOU are God's plan for me." I stood there speechless and sad all at the same time. It was almost 2 months through August and September of 1999 that Tony stayed away from me, only at work he would give me a high five when he walked by. The turning point was when he surprised me one Sunday morning in late October....

"Debby there is a guy asking about you in the auditorium." someone said to me as I was drinking a glass of water in my church's kitchen just before morning service. "For ME, someone is looking for me?" I asked bewildered and quickly went out looking in wonder to who it is. Seeing Tony in his v-neck purple sweater and his adorable huge grin walking towards me was such a priceless moment and I hugged him so excitedly. We sat laughing and talking until the service started, Tony said I should see how different the Catholic ceremony is to my baptist system. Tony sat there holding my hand again and I excitedly invited him to hang out with my family for the rest of the day. I was really thrilled to tell my parents he was at church with me! Soon every Sunday morning he would sit next to me, I was VERY proud to introduce him as my boyfriend.

That first Sunday was an awaking moment for me when I arrived back on the farm only to have my mother freak out at the sight of Tony again. "What in the world! I thought you called it off with him!" She had dragged me outside right when we arrived by the arm. Tony watched through the window concerned. "Debby, you have disappointed your Father! He knows this guy is bad news for you! How can you be so stupid! THIS is a family day, How can we tell him to leave? For he isn't family!" I felt sick to my stomach instantly by her hissing face in front of mine. Yet I still joked "I think he wants to be! hahaha" my smile stayed big as I nodded back at Tony through the window. Mom's hold on my arm was now like a strong pinch, "Get rid of him!" She demanded, I felt anger boiling in me as I said with out thinking "No." I pulled away from the pain in my arm and shot back at her shocked face "He wants to get to know you guys better...YOU should be nice!" Mom was gaping at me in horror as I moved fast to included Tony and avoid my mom. Now my parents would never say out loud in public how they really felt so as long as I stayed close to Tony they had to force fake smiles and small talk among us. We all headed to "Chucky Cheese" for my 6 year old brother Daren's birthday outing. It was at Chucky Cheese when I came out of the restroom to find my father waiting in the hall for me. He stood there with his arms folded, a frown on his face and a long glare through his brown eyes with dark glasses. I felt my heart get stuck in my throat, Mom must have told him I had talked back to her. I walked over to him slowly while my hands were shaking and I lowered my eyes to the floor, I wondered to myself  "Is he going to start screaming and causing a scene? Is he going to grab me by the back of the neck and tell me that I am grounded?" I waited as my rusty red haired father reach out one arm and said quietly "Tony is clearly in love with you, that isn't right for you to play with him like this. He is a really nice guy but he clearly isn't a christian so you are just leading him on." I stared wide eyed at my father in the hallway of Chucky Cheese. 
"YOU WILL call this game off now." I nodded having said nothing the whole time. My heart was rejoicing that my father could clearly see what I wanted to know that Tony loved me, for I loved him too! But as I left my father I began to feel tears filling my eyes. Tony took one look at me and we left, He was so worried for me as he kept asking "Was it your Mom? I saw what a bitch she was to you all day...Did you guys had a fight? Maybe I could talk to her I think she likes me for she was even laughing at my jokes just now." I had to stop and look at this handsome sweetheart of a man. He really had no clue all the baggage my parents were putting on me. Tony was genuinely caring about getting along with my parents while at the same time they never once gave him a second look. On the drive home I cried for all the stress I carried ever since having the balls to ask Tony out. Once home in my cottage Tony sat down next to me saying "It's going to be okay Babe." Which was the first time he called me "Babe" and again I melted into his hug just at the same moment my brother Derek walked into the cottage. Now I had just told Tony it wasn't ever going to work out with him, not if I had to honor my parents and respect God. Derek not waiting around to know why I was hugging Tony goodbye ran back to tell on me. My Mom then hunted me down at church that night with such force and anger she found me in the nursery watching the kids over the evening service. Tony sat on the floor asking me why the relationship with my parents makes me so scared, so stressed out. Then when my mom appeared he got really excited saying "Maybe she feels bad for treating you so meanly all day!" He smiled and I laughed thinking the poor boy had no real idea who my mother was. She grabbed me by the arm again hissing "YOU WILL be home tonight right after service." that was all she said then she left. I watched her drive away feeling so trapped and so sad. Yet I told Tony that she just wants to talk more later, he seemed hopeful and happy. I didn't want to ruin it by adding "I maybe killed or grounded for life later as well." Once I was home both Dad and Mom stood in the kitchen ready for another battle though I felt emotionally wiped out. "We have decided you must now quit your job." Dad stated this and I burst into tears as I sat down. "But I love my job!" I pleaded through my tears, I watched helplessly back and forth as they both chewed me out for every little thing I had done wrong that day. It ended up being a long late night with all their anger, with all their speeches and demands. I stood up looking at my greatly feared parents and said boldly "NO." They both froze with their hands in the air, with their eyes wide with shock. I stood up and shouted back at them "NO! No no no I will NOT quit my job!" I was beyond reasoning with my dramatic parents. While my mother replied "But I demand that you quit tomorrow!" She was coming at me with her pointing finger "Derek told me you were kissing Tony! You will not get away from that boy unless you quit your job!" 
I had stop crying now and was beginning to laugh "I didn't kiss him! Oh please! is this why you want me to quit? Well that is the stupidest reason ever!" I began to laugh deeply at realizing how crazy my mom was, and while my father's frown began to change into a half smile. I walked away rolling my eyes and laughing while saying back at my parents "I will not quite my job for anything, not for a boy, not for the fear of being kissed!" I burst out laughing even more as I walked to my bedroom. Then I fell face down on my bed whispering "Please God I need an answer here!" Suddenly I noticed Tony had left his bible on my bed and I hugged it with a smile.