Our Christmas Kiss

It was the Sunday before Christmas in the year 1999, when I skipped the evening service at church to stay snuggled up next to Tony on the couch of the small town's coffee shop. It was snowing outside as we had our 3rd cup of peppermint mocha. We had been there all afternoon just laughing together, talking over our lives, over our faith and now it was early in the evening when I straddle him and boldly kissed him for the very first time ever. I always knew my first kiss was going to be just like the Walt Disney movie "Beauty and the Beast" When Belle kisses the Prince as a spark flies up into the sky for a fire work show so amazing that only true love can create! Tony was surprised and yet amazed that I had never kissed before. I would think 20 years is a good amount of time to think of how one would actually kiss someone like I did. Since the coffee shop was empty, since the fireplace was crackling and the Christmas song "I'll be home for Christmas." played above us as everything seemed so romantic, so perfect for that one first kiss to happened. All the time leading up to our first kiss was about 6 months of dating, family dinners and big family discussions. I had been under pressure to make sure if I was going to claim Tony as my boyfriend that he could pass all the rules, all the Christian standards from my parents. In these days sitting at the coffee shop was were I regain myself confidence and felt the risks of standing up for myself possible. Kissing Tony was once again a bold move for my part, it came from a sense of confidence inside me that I had always kept guarded. So as the fireworks sprung out all around us as time seemed to stand still. I felt so happy as I whispered "Merry Christmas my Love." He began to chuckle as I slid to his side as we cuddled sipping the last of our coffee drinks. Perhaps that is why Christmas seems like such a romantic time of the year to me, I had been lectured on how wrong Tony was for me from my parents, how as the fall season sprung up I invited him every where I went. Then church families and friends kept pointing out his faults, his lack of faith and his different life style from my own. I was thrilled to learn about how he was raised, how he was such good friends with his parents. I wanted everyone to see him like I did, this sweet thoughtful young man whose humor and calm attitude made me stop for a breath of fresh air.

It was the end of August when I asked Tony if I could meet his mom, He threw his head back with a laugh. "Maybe someday if you are ready, she is by far more confident then most women you know." I wasn't sure what he meant, I was worrying his mom didn't like me for all the time I was taking him away from his own family dinners. At his parents big BBQ end of summer party I quickly found my friend Benny to come along with me so my parents wouldn't be alarmed I was out late. Now Tony and Benny had gone to the same high school, knowing the same people, sharing the same friends. I ate up all their high school talk and took in the excitement of this kind of life I never knew. Tony's dad, Kelly was just as friendly and outgoing as he was on the phone. He kept serving drinks, laughing and telling me he has been really happy to finally meet me in person. I saw Tony's mom, JoAnne looking me up and down with a glass of wine to her lips, I smiled big right back at her as she leaned into her son whispering through the crowd. Tony waved me over to his side with one arm around me, his mom shook my hand. I could see I was going to have to work a bit harder at getting her to like me. The whole church thing was against me for starters, but by the end of the night I really liked her. I was in awe at her self confidence, her bold expressions and her great story telling. She danced her way around the kitchen with her friends while the karaoke machine was going. I loved the singing, the cheering and all the new friends I had just made. Tony's Aunt Janet would tell me funny stories of Tony as a kid, then wave me up to sing with all the other women the song "What a woman wants." Every time I stood singing in front of everyone Tony was the one whose eyes never left mine, he cheered me on and we spent the whole night laughing. I knew every song that played, Tony was amazed "For being so sheltered, how do you know all these songs?" He asked me and I giggled "I DO have a RADIO!" When Tony sang a solo of Ricky Martins "Live in the Vida Loca" I stood cheering and clapping for him and he hugged me when he returned to sit down. I enjoyed getting to see Tony's parents and his life at home which soon became my own second home. When I surprised Tony by attending his church with my bible resting against my chest, I found the Catholic church to be so beautiful and so confusing the up and down reciting ceremony. It was an important moment for me to realize how awkward Tony must have felt in my church, how confusing also being with my crazy family. When Tony took me to the Hindu temple, and the Jewish Synagogue I felt the world of religion open up before me as a rainbow of possibilities. God isn't in a box, nor in a book but this all came to me when I opened Tony's bible one late night. "Wait a minuet....What is the Apocrypha? Why does your bible have extra books in it?!" I was bewildered and demanded why I didn't know this, Tony just smiled and said "There are many more books out there that use to be in the first bible, my bible has the Catholic standard before Martin Luther took the apocrypha out. Hence the bible you have hahaha." He chuckled as I flew off the couch explaining "That is not fair! The bible should not be manipulated or altered!" My own personal journey had began in finding the truth about the creation of the bible, especially the King James Version.  If this one single book called the BIBLE made up all the rules for my life, all the standards for everything I do and say then By God it should be spotless, true and able to stand alone. YET here before me my boyfriends bible showed another story a sudden awaking that I had been made a fool flooded me. I took those rose colored glasses off to ask who is God really to take us away from true love and peace of mind? Why divide a family in stress and screaming situations over what God says when really anyone could write a book in the bible putting forth a political agenda or guilt managed crowds? How could I had assumed for my 20 years that all I ever prayed, ever preached at or ever thought came from just one book? One simple book, a man made mistakenly put together like a lego set not only missing pieces but not honest to begin with....The Bible isn't God,  when did it replace that personal relationship with God? Could the bible itself be the anti-Christ? I had to ask these questions now for my life, my heart was awaken to the spiritual world that can't be captured in the bible. All of this had lead up to the moment I realized I should kiss Tony for the very first time. So with my very first kiss I walk out into the new world of Love, and  it was the most beautiful place I had ever seen!