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Sunday, November 23, 2014

Behind the Movie

        While my mother stayed with me we watched many Victorian movies and shows last week, I love the calming quiet nature of these films while my Mom laid on the couch surrounded by my cats and dogs napping with her. It allowed me to knit or to simply clean my home in pure peacefulness and joy. We started off her visited with "Pride and Prejudiced." The 1995 mini-series with the famous Colin Firth.  My mother has already shared with me how sad she is to see her good looks disappear after her stroke. I don't see this change as much as she does when she looks in the mirror, it's why now she won't let just anyone take a picture of her or she will try to hide from meeting new people at first in her knee jerk reaction. She'll say to me "I'm not looking my best right now." Or "I use to be MUCH better looking when I was normal." My mother was one of the most beautiful people of my whole life time so I completely agree with her and know why she acts the way she does now when faced with her gray hair and baggy clothes. When I was 16 years old my girl friend and I found a hidden box full of old pictures and love letters for my mom. We both agreed that reading the letters wasn't our thing to snoop so we just looked through the snap shots of her high school life. "Debby LOOK! Oh wow it's just like YOU!" She handed me a cloudy picture of a BEAUTIFUL teenage girl in tight summer shorts I laughed so hard in my protest "No way! I have NEVER had legs like THAT...look at those barbie doll perfect shape thighs and her waist I don't think I will ever be that skinny in my life! I do however smile just like her....Do you think this is my Mom?!?!" My friend giggled pointing to the perfect shape chest nodding her head "Yes, you have that same exact shape the hour glass body type only your sizes are bit more then her in this picture. My mother was a beauty back at your age too I am realizing back then good looks and smaller sizes were the norm." I laughed putting the pictures away "All I know is that I love food way to much to care what size I wear....but wow, I've always thought my mom was a brown hair barbie doll didn't know she posed for all those pictures in such a sexy way like THAT!" My friend nodded chuckled explaining "ALL parents have a past life they don't want to be known to their kids...." We left the treasure box in storage right where we found it and went on a walk through the fruit orchard discussing what it really means to be beautiful.
I sat across the living room from my sleepy mother who snacked on apple slices with cheese. She was into the show before us as Mr. Darcy first proposed to Elizabeth, she spatted out "She is being rude and stupid, say yes and become wealthy." I choked on my shock drinking a hot tea cup "WHAT?!?!?" Mom smiled as if she knew I would do that asking me, "Where's my Mr. Darcy? If  I was her I would be thrilled to marry someone so rich." I tossed my knitting project down and sat up in alarm "He is proposing to her in a very arrogant way, not to mention how clearly uncomfortable he is making her feel right now, He doesn't care because he is being so selfish, simply put he is a true asshole in this scene! If she didn't say no then she would have no self-respect in my book!?!" Mom sighed "I think she is the one being selfish thinking she is could to be better then him when in reality he is the richest man in town." I had to jump on to my feet to distract myself from this movie scene I said back over my shoulder  "Well, It's just a story, luckily they both learn in the end to be honest and real with each other no matter how much money they all have." I walked away shaking my head at how different, how amazingly different my mother and I are from one another. Sometimes it takes a movie or a news story to see all the little differences in each other as we react and respond to life unfolding. I am often in wonder of how do I come to my own conclusions through all of these life's events and stories??? Why do I think the way I see it is so clear either right or wrong? Just because I would never marry for money or for a certain status doesn't mean I am right in this idea.....I wonder how did I get here in my own passion and thoughts? My self confidence is made up of all I feel so passionate about. Over the years there are more who disagree with me as I live on, as I share myself boldly??? It can make me react and reveal my set of standards or rules for my life when faced with all these opposing views, it also feels bewildering to me that these people around me don't see what I see or think like I I the one whose in the wrong here clinging to a certain idea of the right kind of life? Often frustrated with people who are just like me often thinking in black and white/right or wrong as so I do? This classic drama show stirred up questions in me on how do I see the world for myself? My desire for my life's journey is to not live a greedy selfish life. Then I realize how much I want everyone else to think the way I do,so in other words I am being selfish and greedy in not wanting to live all alone in my "principles"........ironic!
For all the reasons people marry I guess it comes back to whatever works for that person and I can only know myself really. If Mr. Darcy came at me like that I would instantly send him away for my happiness comes from being around calm and kind people. A life time of money never interested me (apart from surviving needs and being secured in my own little home) I think the value of everything is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty and looks will always fade away and money will not give you long lasting happiness in the end. However looking behind the movie into what it all means to you is priceless and you'll smile at yourself just a little bit more!

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