Going Home

This book came out a month or so ago, I had been following Jon Katz Blog daily looking into when this book would be release. Because the death of a pet is very common among us, the pain of lost and suffering in our grief is natural. Reading this book was so personal to me since Newton has recently died after 11 years in our family. I loved how cuddly Newton was with his little soft paws or his long excited howl as he would push his nose way up into the air showing his white mini-schnauzer breed and gray floppy ears. Newton would rest up on the top of chairs or the couch looking out the window with his feet crossed resting peaceful. His death was dramatically sudden, I was thinking we had at least 5 more years since this breed of dog usually is a 15 year life span. I will never forget that evening in the dark green grass by the white smooth box which Newton laid to rest, I sat there sobbing deeply and touching the box then holding the other dogs as they moved around us. I knew this was such a shock but I needed to feel this great deep sorrow. Newton was the dog that changed my life, his tiny puppy self needed help going down the stairs as I rolled down on my hands and knees encouraging him to move down each step that looked like a big cliff to him. How he napped up on my chest as we watched movies or how easily Newton stayed so close when we went outside. I miss him so much, I learned so much from having him in my life! This book was full of touching dog stories and how we can honor them even after their death. I love how Jon writes very personally about his dreams or his messages to each of his pets. How he sees that even after they are gone, we carry them in our hearts and relive the memories of them! Once we have grieved properly, we can heal again in loving and giving another pet our friendship, our time! I honestly LOVE this message because it's so important to remember not to give up on a new dog or a new pet in our lives. Each and every life is different but we as humans are called to a higher meaning in living longer then our dogs, we are called to care for nature all around us. It is a wonderful hope in deep sorrow to believe this caring work is never done and there is always going to be an animal needing love. I think of all the tears I have cried in the lost of a beloved dog, and I wouldn't change a thing to protect myself from that sadness for I know now that the greatest part of life is...
Living it! Having those dogs along the way makes everything else okay again....I recommend this book for EVERYONE even if they don't have a pet it is still good to understand what this kind of lost and sadness is all about. NOTHING ends with death, life is still breathing all around at the very same moment one soul surrenders.

"Newton, Newton" I would call out the basement door into the dark night of the big backyard. My boyfriend (future husband) and his father were in Thailand for Christmas. As Newton and I slept every night in the big cozy house. the dog loved being under the blankets of the bed like in a tunnel of heat. I loved waking up with him next to me as it was strange to be house sitting for a month. Newton heard his name as the winter's evening was getting colder, he was happy to hurry in peeing and getting back inside. It was amazing to me that without a fence he never wander out of my sight. "Newton, Good boy! Ol' Mr. Good dog! Well goodness!" I said to him as we covered up on the couch watching more TV.  He must of known he had the good good life as he happily napped away in the warmth of my lap.

Fearful of Dogs

It is interesting to look back over my 32 years, when I was almost 2 years old and saw a dog I would panic then cry. I was sure those dogs would bite me or jump up knocking me down. Now 30 years later I am surrounded by dogs in the dog park, I am holding my hand up for the signs and commands that my dogs look for and I am dog-sitting with true love and full care! THIS is ironic, I have come into my own with my strong passion for the very same animal I was terrified of when I was just a toddler! 
Yet when the soul of a dog met mine, I was forever changed. Just as importantly we offer our friendship and protection equally with our pets! They are apart of us in ways no one else gets to see, they sleep beside us, they watch us at all times and they remind us to PLAY again! They make us laugh and lean in when we cry. I have seen so many dogs in my life time, I have learned so many things from them......It is strange for me to remember in my childhood I was so afraid of dogs! Maybe those dogs that crossed my fearful path saw in me the leading loving adult I was growing into? Maybe they approached me because it was an unknown fact to me in that fear of mine to hide away from them, they always knew the truth of how now even when bit I still hold my ground next to a dog, knowing they need me to be calm in protecting them. In leading them to a happy good life! For a dog is more then a man's best friend, a dog IS apart of a man's family, that is the ultimate loyalty. I have no more room for fear with dogs, I can look into their eyes and know instantly if there is trust or doubt.....Walking the vineyards with my aunts and cousins on our wine tasting ladies weekend, a frightful neighbor dog came to me among the rows of grape vines as I calmly saw in his one good eye that he needed to feel safe first. I waited down on my knees for him to come to me then happily I petted and hugged him. When the center core of myself goes calm and peaceful, when I have no time frames or places to be, in that very moment I enter another place in my patience, I feel like I am seeing through the dogs eyes. For Now is the only time there is, Together is the only way to live and dogs have always known these things!

Just like in one of my favorite lines of a song "And when you finally fly away I'm hoping that I served you well....."

The Baking Queen

I use to pride myself on being the baker in my home. In the last few months I have struggled with my identity in homemaking! How can I bake without any fine flour or sugar? In our new education and life style this Paleo path has saved our lives and lowered our weight in amazing amounts! My husband discovered this understanding about foods like whole grains, oatmeal and flours that are killing us slowly. With Simple facts like sugar is poison, that any and all artificial flavoring, additives or engineered proteins can cause cancer. My Husband started the first of this year with an overwhelming discovery about all the vitamins a body needs. He went on a journey in health books of all types. I benefited by his discoveries and experiments. I was skeptical at first because giving up our beloved bread ESPECIALLY  when I got so good at baking it with that golden crispy crust! And I grew up on these buttery pie crust that melted in my mouth, along with my mother's daily apple dumplings and big heavy rich apple crisps (full of the worse kind of fat for you (Crisco) and those light oils which are truly unnatural...)  I didn't know how to be a baker anymore without my usual baking list of ingredients....
The result of having lost so much weight and feeling better then I could ever imagine is worth no more bread! It really is!  (well maybe for a holiday I will enjoy some breads or a sugary thing again? Once a year won't kill me nor allow cancer to grow in my body fat....) I feel like I am FREE from all things unhealthy! I am not in this roller coaster mood or fast energy swings. I don't hurt in the mornings like I use to in waking up and needing to eat in first 30 minuets or my stomach became on fire! I was all about eating every veggie or fruit, yet I still grew out in my hips? I was active and tried to stay faithful to a gym membership with such heavy lifting or constant sweating...yet I never lost a pound!?! I thought my daily mornings with oatmeal would setup my body in the best way to use the fiber and burn the extra fats.....Little did I know that my oatmeal made more sugar slowly never allowing my stored fats to burn. For 14 months every single day I ate a bowl of oatmeal usually plain or with butter then a simple cup of coffee or latte. 14 months I counted the days thinking soon I would be thinner and healthier.....I  looked the same by the end of that time as when I ate breakfast sandwiches every working day at my Starbuck job! How could this be? I baked endless amount of bran muffins and only bought the heavy grains for my breads, I did the wild rice, brown rice and whole wheat pastas and even bought the highest quality in our pastries! My husband and I were very busy both working in our first 7 years of marriage so eating out was easy and eating everything as known "Foodies" we tried all kinds of new places, new things and even got way into sushi in hopes to loose some weight with less red meats....IRONIC! I think it is amazing how ironically we looked in the wrong places for answers in being healthier! Then on one amazing summer afternoon we went to the movies to see the documentary "Food Inc.", We began our local meat quest and all our new discussions on being wise in honoring the food source around us! We were inspired and heard the calling to go local, to get healthy and be wise in our connection to this earth! Then one new years eve we watched another documentary called  "Foodmatters"  It changed our lives, I was drinking all kinds of juices and downing a wheat grass shot every morning instead of coffee! My husband took that documentary even further in his vitamin research loosing 65 pounds since January 1, 2011 to this very date! I am very proud of him for not giving up, for understanding how to use vitamin and in case we need to fight against cancer without poisoning ourselves, how to be active but not to hard where as your joints will brake down in your older age if you push to hard now as a young person, be very careful....This is Fascinating! My healthy life is extremely fascinating to me!!! (I guess I am not use to it yet that is why I can't put enough exclamations marks on here !!!!!!!) When we watched an even greater documentary on nutrition, on eating the right kinds of fats and meats called "Fathead"  it FOREVER changed our lives for the good! This Paleo life style took over even though I did protested that I needed my oatmeal or a blueberry scone now and again, what a joke hahahaha like I said I was very skeptical. Now I was always talking about being healthy in this last decade of my life since I was 20 to 32 I talk about being healthy all at the same time while holding my hot mocha coffee cup in my hand?!? Oooops I guess I didn't know sugar was killing me at the very same time as I told people stop smoking and get outside for a long walk. I walked for miles every morning with my dog and ran until I was out of breath even. Yet I remained a big flabby woman? hmmm what isn't working here I wondered all the time?!?! When I got married I was a size 18 or maybe closer to a size 20, when I was a kid my baby fat never disappeared, as a teenager I had rolls of tummy fat and huge arms then as an adult I carried a triple chin line in most winter months! Being fat doesn't scare me since I discovered how to simply love the skin I was in no matter what it looked like! However I am in a size 12 right now and that is quickly shrinking too! How inspiring my new paloe path has become for me personally! From now on my life will be truly FUN, (I can be a new paleo baker I have discovered as well!) I am not writing this to tell you the reader how to eat or live BUT I am excited to have found what works for me from the INSIDE OUT! 
GO LOVE IT, LIVE IT PRIMAL

"A Dog Year" my movie reveiw

It isn't any secret who my favorite author is....Now after attending his book signing this past spring in Portland Oregon, Jon Katz spoke of this movie inspired from his own book "A Dog Year" with Jeff Bridges playing Jon. How do I rate this movie? 
I simply don't. 
This was NOT Jon Katz, Jeff Bridges seemed to struggle at knowing Jon...maybe he never actually read the book, that this movie is based from!?!?! AUGH, I tried to like this movie so much since the book is one of my most favorite! But I am sorry Hollywood missed the message Jon wrote in "A Dog Year". When my Aunt Chris said after she had watched it, that this movie lack character development, and she was exactly right! This movie seemed to lacking many things, as it unfolded I cringed at the constant frown on Jeff Bridges face, as he got his new dog a Boarder Collie Devon/Orson...this is a very amazing connection between Jon and this new clever dog in his life, the book shared these new adventures. I didn't like Jeff Bridges playing Jon Katz like he was always pissed off at people or the dog ALL the time. Hollywood played up the angle that Jon had "Writer's Block". THIS also annoyed me so much because as Jon is such a good honest writer the truth is he was researching training Boarder Collies and still writing in his head on what he hoped to learn or share with his readers. He wasn't struggling like he was bored! There is just SO MUCH MORE to a person then can be explained in a movie, I wouldn't want something I wrote be butchered  like this movie was to Jon's book!
Like these facts and fictions,

• Jon is NOT an asshole, Jeff Bridges plays a perfect asshole but that is not Jon....easily discovered in any one of Jon's books.
• The death of Jon's Golden Labs was deeply emotional and loving in how the new Boarder Collie was there to help heal in moving forward. NOT like the movie were it's just added to the story suddenly....
• In the movie I could clearly see how disconnected the dogs were from Jeff, like being with him was a job for them but clearly they had a REAL owner out there behind the scene...
• Jeff talks in the third person way to much giving the facts of Jon Katz life out loud instead of just living them out, I thought it made him look like an idiot!
• The movie made Jon Katz look deeply disturbed and depressed like he was a recovering alcoholic hating the whole world....but even in this setup in the story  they didn't get him to heal WITH the dog Devon (who is later renamed when Bedlam Farm comes about) they should have had a real friendship going here with man and dog ...hmmm I dunno like IN THE BOOK!!!!! Augh real life is way more interesting then Hollywood can grasp.

• This movie also distorted Bedlam Farm, making it seem like no one wanted Jon to live there, that HE didn't want to live there either!?!? CRAZY MOVIE not even close to the real story:-}

"Wait! what happened?" I sat up looking at the power cord. The movie went black suddenly and oddly, so I replayed the last scene again. My husband replied "I think it's over...?" I squealed out "WHAT?!? It just ends like THAT?!?" I suddenly was on fire about how awful this movie was in comparison to the book. I explained the book out to my husband and explaining how they can't just end a movie like that! He shrugged and said "yeah it was pretty lame..." I started thinking how would I feel if I wrote a book and saw myself suddenly in a movie? It would be so difficult if that translation went wrong like Jon explained had happened with this movie. He was right about how the writing world is to real for Hollywood. I keep thinking about how this movie could have been wonderful and deeply touching to us all just like the book.....but then again I live in my writing world so I see it all differently then trying to make a movie, still I think I could have created a better movie no doubt!
NOT rating this movie, also NOT recommending it. The book is by far more emotional based and connected, the real person Jon Katz is by far better in person then mimicked by a Hollywood actor....then again WHO could that NOT be said about it?

The Guardians of Being

My mother-in-law Jo Anne gave me a wonderful book for my birthday last year and I truly LOVE it! It is a calm comic book full of my favorite cartoon characters, Earl and Mooch from the famous Mutts. 
I have my own small dogs and clever cat to relate very well with
these funny comic strips!
Getting this book has been one of my most favorite books to share with company or relax thinking over the pages that the words of wisdom are just as important as the pictures, how even a page of no words says it all! There is my most favorite page that reminds me of my vacation spot in Cannon Beach Oregon. Reminding me of how being there with my fuzzy dog Oscar, well it's like hitting the pause button on our lives! For our minds become clear or chaos of the world truly stops. We simply exist in those moments together, perfectly happy on the beach.....We become the Guardians of being without even realizing it! Oscar and I will return to the coast line one day again (now taking along Sweet Sidda Girl with us too) We will walk beside each other or run miles apart for that ball or Frisbee, in the moving waves or on the wet hard sand. In the cold rainy mornings or windy crisp evenings we will greet once again the ocean with a big smile (or waging tails) and sit together, stay together................................just BE together!

The Paperbag Princess

My mother found this book while shopping when I was a 15 year old girl, while laughing so much she handed it to me saying she was going to buy it. I was surprised for we had spent many long hours in book stores before with all kinds of good books but my mother wasn't one to just buy something she liked. I was confused as I took this colorful looking children's book in my hands. It was entitled "The  Paper Bag Princess"by Robert N. Munsch, I read it quickly then looked at my mother questioningly as she was still chuckling over it. I asked "Why is it so funny? She gives up everything she owns to save the prince and he is a total jerk? How is that funny?" I was concerned and not sure if I liked this book at all. My Mom explained showing me the last part of the book again, I remember leaning into my mother so we both could re-read that last few pages together. Mom said "The Prince is most defiantly a jerk to her and that is when she realizes she doesn't NEED him in her life after all! It is actually very clever to show how she goes to all that trouble to save him from the dragon only to see he is a spoiled brat and so she is far better off knowing that now then later....I think it's such a good story!" I chuckled along with my mother as it made better sense to me after she had explained it. I kept reading this story over and over again thinking that I was going to be just like this Paper bag Princess, for she made me very proud in not putting up with rude bossy spoiled men in her life:-D

Until next year...

I am pretty much done with scary movies now, this last week my husband went down a list of the most popular scary movies out there such as "Friday the 13th", "The Thing", "The Fly" and "Poltergeist". I thought that "Friday the 13th" was totally stupid, and "the thing" wasn't built up enough on the fear factor like it could of been. Although it was still really interesting I thought "The Thing" was a clever story line reminding me of all the "Alien" movies I have seen. "The Fly" was slow moving and really gross towards the end of the movie, I didn't like it at all. Now however I am never watching "Poltergeist" again because that was truly freaky! Even a bit crazy yet a good kind of scary story..... Then my husband found this movie entitled "The Fourth Kind" maybe one of the scariest movies I have ever seen! I literally screamed out loud while watching it and I haven't done THAT since watching "What Lies beneath."  years ago! Every night this week has been a few scary movies....I am thinking I can wait until next year to see anymore! It is fun to see what are classics and what are really scary, what are flops or repeated story lines....The more I educate on scary movies the more I know a really good one is worth sharing! There is quite a bit crappy gross films I do not like out there. But as the early dark nights of October come around scary movies have such a thrilling feeling to watch them...So until next year!