The Present

This has been a busy summer already, I am in awe of it.
I always think it's interesting when the beginning of a season all these things are possible and planned. A wide open schedule full of ideas and projects, A whole new time of the year to accomplish and conquer.

This has been a changing time, suddenly my husband looks very different and becomes a new person as I try to catch up.
This has been a very emotional struggling time and yet we are finding our friendship again.
I haven't published much about it, being together 20 years is a milestone and yet it's in the ocean that I realized we are not on land right now.

Am I drowning? while he is swimming his very best life ever?

He says that he didn't realize that he left me behind stuck on an island as he embraced a whole new personality and life style. 
I am glad he can see me now for all summer we have struggled and we have not been in the same boat living through time.

We have life jackets on now, we are working together on what we would like the next 20 years to be like.

I have no idea how the present time took us away from each other.

Yet I am embracing my counseling fully and gratefully, being 40 years old sure has surprised me in not being the top of the mountain in hiking through life instead it dropped me into the ocean and the salty waves took me under and I couldn't breath anymore.

My husband said "I know this woman better then anyone in the whole world, just leave her be. Don't smoother, don't try to persuade her. And don't try to manipulate her because she will see right through it. Let her be in her own space and in her own time then she will return with a plan and a clear cut path for what to do next."

I have been trying to just let it be. The present should be enjoyed, the only thing about time is that it's better when shared. I have been sitting under the shade of the trees, walking my old dog Oscar and trying to learn more about the things my husband is into now. I know who I am isn't the same person when I said "I do." yet my heart is the same in this moment all things are so beautiful. It was good to escape this summer out to the Oregon Coast as we talked about old times, and old feelings. The beginning helps guide us through the middle as we wonder as to what end can our love story say about us?

I can see how the present is bringing us back together again.

I have always said friendship and honesty are the building blocks for any lasting relationship. So I let it go, I let it be, I am me, I am happy to see this summer grow into depth and beauty as we share more of our life and our time with each other.