Ever since my brother Derek died, I have had crystallized focus on my own life.
I don't put up with any bullshit anymore.
I don't waste my time in wanting everyone to get along, to be friends or to want us all to create a perfect world because I know there is no such thing now. Perfection is in the mistakes, in the stories and in the realness of a human soul. It's not a destination, it's a journey as fleeting as my own heart beat.
I have crystal vision, I have crystal hearing, I have crystal insight and strength that I take from this whole tragic loss in my life to be better then I was before...
Yet I will always wish to go back into time to sit with him again, laughing and talking.
To be full of distractions and dreams for our future, to feel close as our family grows older.......
I don't really care if anyone like me now, I hope to not be rude of course but I have been through fire and flood. I have been swimming to the shore of once was, only to realize I live here in the thousands of tears and heart ache for the rest of my days. The ocean is beautiful underneath, the value of a whole other world is going down deep.
I will use my crystal focus to face the future, whispering "I've got your Brother."
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