I took a walk through the park yesterday morning with my life long friend Tiffany as her new dog Kelpy took on such a happy frenzy run among the last of the fall leaves.
This dog came from the same owner as my little Sidda, I have been ever so grateful of the last 7 years with Sweet Sidda in my arms! My heart has grown from living side by side with Oscar to our deep love of Sidda, in fact as Oscar grows old and grumpy he never gets mad at Sidda. He is so devoted to her, so protective of her even now....
I hadn't been sure that Tiffany's life was ready for a dog, she is a cat person. Growing up she never got that excited over a dog, but she loved her cat so much! When she lived with me for a summer in Boise a few years ago she said "Your dogs are the cleanest, well trained, best behaved dogs I have ever seen yet they are like kids who never grow up." I laughed so much because her 4 kids were needing our guidance yet they were changing and learning to do many more things for themselves. My dogs however were never going to change from needing me right there by their side.....
We walked together as we use to when we were 16, We have stayed friends even more now then ever before. Life has changed over and over and over again on us as we are older. Her dog is so smart, I felt like it was meant to be as Tiffany texted me how she really wants her son Shane to have a dog while he grows up, when he was 6 years old he helped me walk my dogs and now that he is 9 years old he is ready for his own pet. I am so happy it all worked for my friend texted asking me if I wanted her dog, then a second later Tiffany told me how ready she is in her life to have a dog. That perfect timing made me realize I can't ignore this moment...I love Shane, he has such a love for the whole world! He was always watching his busy noisy family from the stroller, from the car seat, from his coffee table full of toys I have been thinking that he is a very reflective person, when he was 4 year old I joined everyone for Halloween staying right beside him the whole night of fun, he would always say adorable things like "My legs need to catch up." and "I guess everyone is in a hurry but I am not." He would hold my hand on his own, I would think about how sweet and little he is, when he came to visit over those years he would always note when I added new toys to the box. The summer of 2015 when his mom lived with us, he would nap on the couch with Minnie, he would carry little Sidda back into the home if she escape. He would always tell me that if he ever had a dog he would live like I do. He would want his dog to sleep with him, to eat with him and to be where ever he goes. Now he has that in his life and it's so wonderful! I am happy for everyone, Tiffany and I walked and talked as we always do when we are going through crazy stuff in life.
I cried, I shared and I vented about trying to be there for everyone, she reminded me that it's not possible, that I can't beat myself up in not knowing that my friend would attempt suicide twice now...
I felt much stronger after walking with Tiffany, because she has always been a open honest person who doesn't shy away from the deep important discussions and subjects of life. I shared with her how I use to feel so confident, so self assured and now I feel so helpless, so powerless and rather overwhelmed. She reminded me that giving my self grace to not be all knowing, to not always be able to help. Tiffany said "You have a full plate, caring over your parents since your brother died that alone it a huge responsibility." I paused for a moment saying back at her "Oh yeah, there's that too....well, no wonder I feel like I can't be every where I want to be!"
We walked on into the fall morning sun light as I realized humble awareness is a peaceful surrender. I know as Thanksgiving gets closer I have so much to be thankful for!
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