He sat there looking rather pale and stressed out, I was almost 22 years old so in my young adult life I had never dated before I had met Tony.
Being dumped is a rather weird feeling, I am glad I have this memory because it was after our first 2 years in dating and getting to know each other. I sat staring at my coffee trying not to cry but to think fast on my feet.
When it feels like everyone else is judging you, not being supportive and not being there for you, as I had lived through by proudly announcing to my community/family/church that I was happily dating Tony Shively. The distractions of others coming at me in protest or in protection made me realized how I had forgotten to judge myself. "Am I in love with Tony?" or "Am I fighting off everyone else to prove to them that this IS true love without really being sure myself?"
When it feels like everyone else is judging you, not being supportive and not being there for you, as I had lived through by proudly announcing to my community/family/church that I was happily dating Tony Shively. The distractions of others coming at me in protest or in protection made me realized how I had forgotten to judge myself. "Am I in love with Tony?" or "Am I fighting off everyone else to prove to them that this IS true love without really being sure myself?"
Being dumped after 2 years of working hard to win favor of those around me in my decision to date I knew wasn't a waste. I had grown stronger in myself then I could first imagine, so if it had been easy maybe I wouldn't of understood the true value and real cost of it all in who I am when it was suddenly all over like that.
Being dumped ran deeper then just me not being around Tony anymore, I sat looking at him in a calm awareness,after he said thsi to me, so I knew that I did love him. I also knew that we are 2 very different people.
I sipped on my coffee always enjoying my romantic view of life, feeling a bit raw at having just been dumped. We had a lot of family drama going on all around us as well, so whenever I could find a peaceful place to sit and relax I took it tenderheartedly to just breath and think.
He sat looking sad but also determined as if he thought I would try to talk him out of it. "You have decided that I am no longer your girlfriend in order to lessen the stress in your life?" I asked him carefully observing as I always do....He explained quickly "Yes. Where ever you go I notice that you don't take shit from anyone, you bulldoze your way right through life not realizing all the drama that unfolds because of you!" I chuckled and nodded wondering why I am like that at times myself but I replied "The drama is always there, with or without me you can find drama any where, so I react in a way to lessen it for myself, cut through the bullshit, I don't play games like that. If my bulldozing causes problems then I am in the wrong place for myself. It's good that we are breaking up if you don't like me speaking my mind, we could of ran into this problem down the road of life." Tony burst out "Exactly! Why invest into a relationship that could or would eventually fall apart down the road!?!?" I paused in my smirking and in my defense suddenly I realized what was really happening here....."You are afraid of failure in our relationship?" He nodded and looked around "Everyone here says we make a cute couple, this has become our main hang out spot to date and to be together, but in the REAL world is much harder to face. In the years ahead unresolved problems like you having such strong opinions all the time could eventually lead to a divorce or a sudden end to our love story. Why not face it for what it really is now before it's to late?" I smiled so big at him and I nodded in a mocking way sharing back at him "Exactly! Let us break now before any real problem comes up! here, here." I felt heated at the ridiculousness of the moment then I leaned into him and winked while saying softly "You can not control the future, failure isn't a bad thing at all, for at least you tried." He sat sighing back at me as if I had just proved his own point. I took a deep breath in knowing we were now just friends so I shook his hand "I wish you well, I am glad that we dated I loved every minuet of it! I hope we will still be friends after this. I respect everything you have said and I am sorry, but I disagree with you completely but what else is new huh?" I stood up smiling big and bright confidently while I shook his hand, I looked him right in the eye adding "I know your parents are going through a divorce right now so if ya just need to talk, give me a call I won't mind at all. For you will always be a friend to me." I nodded down at him and left.
I have never been dumped before, it's a weird feeling of "Wait.... what just happened???" and "I feel like I should be singing my lungs out to the radio right now, or maybe go for some ice cream?"
He sat looking sad but also determined as if he thought I would try to talk him out of it. "You have decided that I am no longer your girlfriend in order to lessen the stress in your life?" I asked him carefully observing as I always do....He explained quickly "Yes. Where ever you go I notice that you don't take shit from anyone, you bulldoze your way right through life not realizing all the drama that unfolds because of you!" I chuckled and nodded wondering why I am like that at times myself but I replied "The drama is always there, with or without me you can find drama any where, so I react in a way to lessen it for myself, cut through the bullshit, I don't play games like that. If my bulldozing causes problems then I am in the wrong place for myself. It's good that we are breaking up if you don't like me speaking my mind, we could of ran into this problem down the road of life." Tony burst out "Exactly! Why invest into a relationship that could or would eventually fall apart down the road!?!?" I paused in my smirking and in my defense suddenly I realized what was really happening here....."You are afraid of failure in our relationship?" He nodded and looked around "Everyone here says we make a cute couple, this has become our main hang out spot to date and to be together, but in the REAL world is much harder to face. In the years ahead unresolved problems like you having such strong opinions all the time could eventually lead to a divorce or a sudden end to our love story. Why not face it for what it really is now before it's to late?" I smiled so big at him and I nodded in a mocking way sharing back at him "Exactly! Let us break now before any real problem comes up! here, here." I felt heated at the ridiculousness of the moment then I leaned into him and winked while saying softly "You can not control the future, failure isn't a bad thing at all, for at least you tried." He sat sighing back at me as if I had just proved his own point. I took a deep breath in knowing we were now just friends so I shook his hand "I wish you well, I am glad that we dated I loved every minuet of it! I hope we will still be friends after this. I respect everything you have said and I am sorry, but I disagree with you completely but what else is new huh?" I stood up smiling big and bright confidently while I shook his hand, I looked him right in the eye adding "I know your parents are going through a divorce right now so if ya just need to talk, give me a call I won't mind at all. For you will always be a friend to me." I nodded down at him and left.
I have never been dumped before, it's a weird feeling of "Wait.... what just happened???" and "I feel like I should be singing my lungs out to the radio right now, or maybe go for some ice cream?"
Three days later Tony found me, "I have made the biggest mistake of my life, breaking up with you was not the answer I was looking for....in fact it was the very opposite of what I needed. Feeling all alone doesn't get any better when you ARE all alone in the end." I chuckled half hugging him so happy to see him in person once again. I had gone on a big weekend adventure with friends, I had felt so empowered by my freedom, so full of life and promise for my wide open future. Only once did I catch myself saying "I should tell Tony about this!...oh wait I don't have a boyfriend anymore I forgot! HA!"
Getting back together is wonderfully feeling, it had me thinking that we should all be dumped in order to know what we are made of. In order to evaluated everything we still need to work on within ourselves. We can come back together with a better understanding of how important the other person is in our lives or we can move on completely never wasting another second with the wrong person for us. Being dump isn't a bad thing at all really I was surprised to discover this.
Tony and I sat in front of the fire place at our favorite coffee shop once again, drinks in hand and catching up over our last 3 days of being single. "When you left like you did, when you said for your part we are still friends, I knew that I had made a HUGE mistake. Then I kept trying to find you and everyone said you went off to the mountains! and when I got home my family said that I was an idiot to let you go....so needless to say I had a rough 3 days."
I was giggling as I listened, I was so happy to see him face to face again. I wanted to learn how to listen better and not bulldoze him down. I knew seeing him there was pure joy! A real gift of love!
I was giggling as I listened, I was so happy to see him face to face again. I wanted to learn how to listen better and not bulldoze him down. I knew seeing him there was pure joy! A real gift of love!
"I thought a lot about what you said about me needing to always be right, needing to always state my opinion and declare myself stronger then what they all think. I will work on this, I will try very hard to not bulldoze everyone around me, I want to listen better and be nicer to people around me I really do.....I'm sorry for being so difficult when all you need is a friend right now. I am determined to never to loose my identity in my marriage with my spouse so I bring that around with me in everything. I have fears too but not about with US." He smiled so big "Wait are WE getting married already?"
I burst out laughing and nodding "After you get through college, that makes more sense to me and if we are only married for a year there is no failure in that as well. Divorce is not a shameful thing, it is not a scar to carry around for the rest of your life.....people will always judge you if you are in a bad marriage or in a good marriage, they will judge you if you are single or you are dating, they will always be out there with their own agenda so what you have to learn is how to be proud of who YOU are. If your lover changes through out the years, if your partner cheats on you, or if you feel trapped, if you don't feel good in your relationship then by all means don't regret having first taken that adventure with them beside you and now if You find yourself all alone in the end don't take it personally, you can not foresee all things of the future.....as long as you always do your best and want what is best for the other person in your life then you should never be ashamed of how that love story goes. So give yourself peace of mind that no matter what time has in store for you, You never regret having fallen in love and having shared your life with someone along the way to begin with!"
I smiled big as I always did back then, Tony exclaimed "Well shit! Where were you when I needed to hear all of THAT!?!?!"
I chuckled cleverly "I dunno, I guess I was off dancing in the snow. Ha!"
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