Time in the making

     It's no secret celebrating babies being born is by far more joyous then going to a funeral. Yet it's all connected from start to finish in teaching us that right here and now is how we can appreciate each other!

When my mother was bed ridden for her second pregnancy of my high school years I was busy caring for my other baby brother who was just a busy toddler. At that time my fear of being stuck in misery was a big part of my fear for the future, I would pray for my mother every day, if she dies then I will be raising those boys without her help....time can feel stuck, can mislead us in our fear and chaos.

As I felt restless going back and forth from the kitchen to my mom's bedside those long 9 months, I learned so much about time, about our moods and attitudes in not having the life we would like. As my  whole family was on high stress at that time in our lives all stuck together like that, the feeling of isolation grew into huge exploding dramas, I would often hide from everyone singing silly songs with my 2 year old brother in hopes to create a bubble of happiness for our survival. 

(And I STILL do this in my own self quite often, I seek the good in all bad situations no matter what, no matter the common sense or facts.)

As my life was 16 years into the making and I wondered if I was in the Twilight Zone at times, never to leave, never to know what the world looked like from a different place since my mother needed my help so much back then....

Then when I would rock my little brother to sleep as his soft little head rested on my chest drinking his bottle I would a strong sense of calm in knowing that I am was right where I was meant to be in all of time.

I learned many things back then and most importantly I learned that nothing last very long in routine or schedules, things like my father's short temper and quick judgement or my mother's long sermons of right and wrong, didn't last as long as they felt when they were unfolding.....we can easily think that this day is never going to end and somehow we have always been this way in our minds. Yet it's a distraction to forget how time works, how 10 years later nothing is like that anymore.....I am lost in wonder of the time clock clicking on the same as yesterday only to find me in very different, even better place then before!?!?

Once I was able to realized that my mother would get out of bed again and that the new baby would grow and change quickly into his own being, then my fear of the future changed, I felt so grateful that we are never ever stuck for long in a bad place in our lives, for all the babies grow up and leave home, the next generation is given a gift of time in creating a better world then those before them, it gives me such hope and respect towards TIME in the making.

I know that we all can suffer from tunnel vision and survival mode, that self-pitty or depression distracts us from our true value, we all can have more bad days then good until we look back and think that the good was by far more important then we realized at the time. So we begin to change our story, by creating more good days for our memories of life!

 When my first dog died I was 17 years old and I realized that I had always assumed she would be there every night in my bed, heavy on my feet she would snore loudly or dream kicking me, this big beautiful farm dog, I never thought about her soon to arrive death....

 In that first night  she was gone forever I rolled over to pet her and sighed sadly realizing I would never again to for granted the love of a dog, what a shock sometimes to realize that we all have our own time clocks ticking away.....

In makes me so ever grateful for the connection and friendships in my limited time, each soul I meet is a gift in some way and I am never going assume that we can live on forever....

I am not the victim, not the prisoner nor the slave, I am not the damaged nor the perfect from my past, 

I just am. 

I am my own strength, my own mind that asks a thousand questions and now I've come to simply enjoy the wonders of the world!

            My husband Tony was surprised as I explained his confusion over a case with one of his clients, for I had glanced over the police report holding it in my hand while he chatted in person as I waited to drive us home again, he sighed confusingly once back in the car saying "I really need to find this other person to interview." I asked over my shoulder rolling the car out onto the road "What other person?" he explained back while shuffling papers as I drove on "That first person on the scene with the cop...." I replied casually "Well, you were just talking to 'em?" He looked surprised and amazed at me "WHAT? how do YOU know this?" I glanced around now with a confused smile "Because I was there? just now I was listening to you guys talk, there is no 3rd person in this situation....The cop first asked for the full name of the victim so that's the name he uses in his report but the other family members use a more common nick name or something like that, so there is only 2 people involve here and you were just interviewing the one and the same person." I shrugged like this made sense to me, he sat frozen just looking at me in awe with a smirk and I shifted uncomfortably "What? what's wrong?" he chuckled and shook his head in bewilderment saying "Ya know every so often I feel like you could been some one, if you had just been given a better education....you could of made something of yourself as sharp as you are!" I burst out laughing at him and exclaimed "I AM someone! I am ME, and I have made something of myself!?!? What are you comparing me too? my self value is as equal to my smarts or my mistakes as anyone.....my life is great right here and now, I don't need to become "something else" in a career, or have a huge bank account in order to have "value of being".......how funny! You are so weird sometimes! I'm like Gandalf in that I arrive precisely when I mean to."  

My husband laughed and rolled his eyes mumbling to himself that I am the weird one while we both laughed for a moment together.

 and I was left thinking about how different we all are in this world in this very same second of time in the making....

Life in the making....

This is breath taking beautiful and exactly true! I have been so grateful to know this as my personal life story, I choose to have faith, I choose to share myself fully and I choose the good life at this very second!
I am the living proof!
I see every single person around me just as they are, and I love them for being in my life in all the colorful different ways!
This video is my life in the making.............Live with Love!

Coffee in the making

                    The cool morning, that soft orange and purple look to everything as the sun light starts to peak up from the mountain skyline.

The fresh air burst in as I open the sliding glass door to my mature garden in the background, with all it's different shade of green and yellows.

As cats come in and dogs go out I setup the coffee pot. Then go out to greet the new morning

After I walk around the outside world I come back into that amazing aroma of coffee percolating. 

It's a magical smell, coffee in the making, so good and so warm, so romantic and so encouraging for whatever the rest of the day holds!

I have seen my morning routine change over the years, I have lived in different styles of homes and had changing schedules yet no matter what I am doing when I wake up that pot of coffee greets me with a familiar rescue and comfort.

On vacation I have notice that coffee shops were the most comforting places especially when I'm out and about in a new place and on the go so much.

If I had to choose between a cocktail or a coffee it would be a coffee without a second thought, in fact I look forward to going out for breakfast and enjoying that coffee with a friend over trying to meet up in a crowded late night pub. The energy that coffee gives me and the promise of surviving the day in being productive is a wonderful thing!

The cold rain drizzled down on the streets of the small town against the Oregon coast line as I happily exclaimed to my husband while I walking back to him with 2 cups of coffee in my hand. "I can't believe this is the fourth of July! It feels like a cold fall day......and it's been months since I order a HOT coffee. I could live here happily ever after!" he chuckled and took a cup from me as the parade roll on by us against the chill of a gray day.

No matter what time of day, no matter what kind of weather the smell of coffee is distinctive, and so full of memories or emotions, I have tried to write many poems about coffee because it is truly inspiring to me. It grows from the earth, it hold so many minerals that a little water can bring out such good health just the way it is!

The first time I ever tasted coffee was from my Papa Rudy as he read the morning newspaper and I asked "What smells soooooooo good?" waking up in my grandparents home. He smiled and handed me his cup and as I sipped it I exclaimed "THAT doesn't taste like it smells?!?!?!" He laughed and I went back to pouring syrup on my pancakes, because it would be 12 more years before I could taste exactly how it smells, Ooooooh that magical wonderful coffee in the making......

History in the making

It has been on my mind lately, how fast do we become history?

One of my long time beloved friends just reminded me that we graduated 20 years ago this past June. I was surprised that I wasn't paying attention to such a fact as that, She brought back the memories instantly by chatting online with me and my heart burst forth with such joy! To connect with her and to celebrate our shared past.....

For I love getting old, I love growing wiser and stronger in who I am. I can look back in awe of how important such a date in my own history was on that graduating ceremonial event from high school in our home schooling world was for me.....I am left in awe.

In June of 1996 we graduated, 5 of us girls put together our own ceremony with the help of our mothers. We sang songs together, gave roses out and shared a personal testimony of ourselves. In fact it was the very first speech I ever made on stage, I was surprised by how shaky my voice sounded when I talk so steadily usually. At 17 years old I realized that moment was not what I thought in my mind's eye to become. (Getting older allows you to look back with grace, I had never been in that situation before so of course I would do poorly) Graduation was the celebration of a good education for the adulthood at hand, yet not for me.....

I knew when I was 16 years old I needed help in my school work that I mailed off to some random stranger to grade. Even though my sister studied with me on the very same page, we were like ships at sea asking each other which way home? Having no idea what was the sky line or the water line, We struggled in the those years because being home schooled has no rules, has no motivation unless you the student take charge of what you need. Our parents were so busy by the time I was 17 years old wanting to graduate and get back to house work not book work, my mother had 2 new babies and my father worked 12 hour days.  Being 16 years old was the darkest time in my life. IF I hadn't had my 3 beloved friends helping me get through it I would of thought Heaven was my eternal better home to be in after all. I asked my beloved friend Rebekah for help in my biology, in my geometry and algebra. She gladly tutored me with kindness and excitement, her teaching skills burst forth easily and magically as I watched on in awe that I could learn from her in a way I had never known before!

(My mother always had good intentions as I grew up yet home projects and life took her away from teaching anything very easily)

I owe a huge thank you to my dear friend Rebekah, she brought me in on her school newspaper, she dedicated 2 hours a week to teaching me and I will always remember when I answered correctly a whole test run, we squealed together, jumped up and down hugging, laughing and she said "SEE! Debby you are not at all stupid like your father always says that you are, Look at how YOU can learn! and if you keep to these steps in studying then you can take on ANY subject I just know it!" 
(whenever people ask me who was your favorite teacher? I think of her instantly)

 We are always growing and learning, we are always needing and seeking, we are the journey within ourselves to change our life if it's not working in favor for ourselves. 

I thinks it's amazing looking back with grace, looking back with admiration and awe! 20 years ago....

Every story changes with the facts we can discover, it's why I love being a story teller because that is how I learn best, history teaches us so many little things about who we are today...I like to think that with my honesty and with my life's journey I can help the next generation get a better start in using this limited time on earth to create a better world for all!

I am already a part of history, in the cycle of life....
I truly embrace every level of my maybe 100 years.....
I look back in awe, I stand still with hope and I plan ahead for peace......

I see the history in the making, as I kiss the baby, run with the kids, hug and chat with a friend, pour the coffee with the elderly and light a candle on the days of death. 

It's all apart of life and time, it's all connected from start to finish, just how we choose to live our history.

Poetry is Promising!

It's amazing to me how important writing is, how inspiring it is to share what you feel and what you think with others....even if they may not relate or they may not understand what you are saying. It is the words to print, the being in the energy of conversation and connecting. Those who can learn and who can grow from what we write are why we share, for all those little words and thoughts can bring us all together sometimes, our writing can open our very own eyes to the other person beside us, it can also help save a forest like this poem did in YES! Magazine.

Writing and sharing, being brave and being open gives way to a whole new story! 

It's a whole new look on life, from the birds to the fish, from the plant to the tree we are here to share, we are here to breath!

Most importantly we are here to save what earth is left from greed and discruction.

We are the romance and the hope for the future. 

http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/make-it-right/one-poem-that-saved-a-forest

Coldplay - Clocks

A Happy Life

To be home, to care for my pets this makes me so happy. This makes me grateful!

Life is always changing and shifting through the seasons, to just be means more to me then anything I could ever do with my time here.

I was out on the lake this week, learning to balance on a surf board.....the view of the trees and sunset was perfect and I was simply happy to just be there!

This morning as my Oscar cuddled with me on the couch having been away from him in my dog-sitting jobs and now I'm happy to simply hold him again.

It doesn't take much to have a peaceful happy good life, in seeing all my napping pets I am grateful!

       As I drink my coffee and read about how to have a happy life, it makes me even more happy to think about and to just BE here right now.......

Orange

The skyline of bright blue turns slowly

moving,

           changing, 

                       cooling down,

The skyline of summer time is clear

heating,

          salty and strong,

                                 shinning through!

The skyline of my eye sees the orange,

the purple,

              the pink,

                          the green fade into the dark.

The skyline of those sunsets I love to watch are FULL of colors!

Bursting out in orange

Bursting out in light!

The skyline is where I went to cry on the day my best friend died.

                                        Her favorite color was orange, we talked about it for a long time one evening, how colors speak to us, how they make us feel and think about different things. She gave life into the color orange that I had never thought about before....

The marigolds, the nasturtium flowers, the sunflowers and the zucchini blossoms all pop out at me in this great variety in shade of Orange. The dark green plants, the climbing velvet beans and the perfectly placed color of orange from the pumpkins and the tomatoes bursting into the early stages of fall!

Orange, a color so clear to see! 
Orange, a color that stands alone,
Orange, a color to fit perfectly with my emotions.......changing.
Orange, a color to notice and admire!

Orange is NOT the new black for me, because it has magic and power in it's own pigment that I would wear proudly out into a cocktail party, or twirl on the dance floor with no embarrassment!

Orange is the color of the fall season, the color that makes me sadly smile as I change with it too, as I grow....most importantly as I let go.

The colors of the world have stories to share, have feelings to give! 
                         

(and I can't help but think pumpkins love being the magical color of orange too)

A True Beauty

She was breath taking, 

She was beautiful,

She was brilliant and brave as she got married on that lovely summer evening in August of 2016, 

.....and I was full of joy, I was full of hugs and happiness, simply put I was lost in awe of her!  A True Beauty I had to remember to not stare on at her less she felt uncomfortable nor should I keep saying "Whoa, How AMAZING do you look right now? I love it and I love you!!!" She was getting married, she was pure magical!

               We cheered and we celebrate to their love and their friendship!

The sun was setting slowly over the mountains towards the west, the last of summer's good comfortable heat was still in the air as the music played over the driveway where everyone danced together! 

All the times that Molly and I sat talking about this day, this wedding event was now unfolding before my very eyes and I wished it would never end, The landscaping trees with strings of lights, the white tables and huge vases of Shasta daisies against the colors of Molly's "Earth." I had laughed so much when I asked her over one of our usual coffee time chats, "What are your colors going to be?" she explained that being boxed in on colors wasn't her thing and since the wedding would be outside then her colors are "Earthy, with blue sky and fresh air." I love this girl's spit fire common sense and I laughed. To the Earth it is then, such colors can not ever be completely captured after all.....

I have loved Molly like a sister for almost 30 years now and I look forward to another 30 very easily! She and KJ are going to be the kind of married couple that always makes you feel welcomed, always makes you feel like family to them both. I have enjoy these many years now of laughing together and discussing all kinds of topics, How beautiful they are together, how wonderful to celebrate their love on such a picture perfect summer day! 

May they live happily ever after together in that true beauty called  LOVE!