Be the Change

"BE the change you wish to see in the World" -Gandhi

When I first read that quote I was 24 years old and had been fighting with my parents, with many people in my family about creating my own life's story in getting married and in creating a non-traditional wedding. I read that quote while shopping for lavender color decorations and scented candles.  I am not being the change I wish to see in the world trying to please everyone or make everyone else happy for my wedding.....shouldn't I simply be happy or peace more if this is my right decision?  
I began a new journey one that call for bravery and knowledge in why I decided the way that I did in the faces of so many judgements. I kept saying to myself   "Be Nice, Be respectful...that's the kind of change i wish to see in the world." When I was living on my own I was very angry and very annoyed at the way the world works or the way people manipulate each other through fear or faith.
It was even more alarming to me when I learned about my gay friend John never being allowed to marry his lover. Then my cousin came out of the closet saying how unfair it is to not have the same rights as straight people and I declared loudly in those days "WELL NOW.... That's has GOT to change! LOVE is bigger then any rule society sets up, Be the change you wish to see, lead by example and simply shine with LOVE above all else!"

When I first got married I simply thought of it as a statement to the world that my husband Tony was THE most important person in my life and I took a public step to have a creative ceremony to prove it sooooooo why couldn't EVERYONE do that if they wanted????

This weekend has been a magical celebration, a wonderful moment in our nation's history, The Supreme Court ruled in favor of marriage equality for ALL. To love who you want and to make a public statement is truly wonderful and freeing!

BE THE CHANGE and embrace the rainbow of LIFE out there for we only live once so why not LIVE WITH LOVE?

i wish you were here......

Leave the World

• June 26, 2013
• 

  6/26, 9:19am

  Debby Shively
  

  Hey Lady when will you be coming through this way?

  I wanted to catch ya if i can...

  How are you doing? Need to sit awhile and talk?? I am always here for you, I hope you are not working so hard.....LOVE to hang out maybe this weekend? I' going to my moms on Friday all day in Ctown looks like but lets chat soon okay? HUGS
  
  It was 2 years ago that my best friend died today, It was such a hot summer day in which I disappeared from my regular life. In which I left town and hid in all our old hang out places, I walked for miles in foggy thoughts, memories and a deep raw fear that I will forget her. It was the sadness of being force to let her go...and then the anger of hitting a huge brick wall feeling of being trapped whenever I wanted to contact her!
  She was closer to me when my own sister, she was wiser then my own mother and she knew my husband inside out for they even shared high school days together.
  She was always just a phone call away, or a good surprise pop-in friend event and so in all the years of  being friends we took each other as we were......I miss that, I miss HER!
  
  It was 2 years ago today I woke up around 8am with Benny on my mind, and in my heart. I knew she needed me as she was about to pack up her home in Twin Falls and move to Chicago. I was going to help her, I was going be there for her all weekend and then later on fly out to Chicago and celebrate her new life's adventures there! I was.....I was....I was....
  
  It was over my cup of coffee I sent her the above message on our usual chit chat Facebook world......The moment I hit "Send" with her heavy in my thoughts suddenly I was washed over with great sadness as I thought to myself "She will never read this, Debby prepare yourself....for she has died." I flew up from my computer spilling coffee and panicking over my own thoughts as my husband laughed at me asking "Is there a bug?" I chuckled back shaking off my racing fear of having such a thought..."What am I CRAZY???? Why would I ever think that?!?...Hope she calls me back soon and helps me relax again."
  
  It was 2 hours later from when I facebooked Benny to her husband calling me, 2 years ago I pulled over in my car to answer him all the while the feeling he had bad news for me grew bigger and I tried to stay calm even though my whole world was never going to be the same again.....He choked kindly "Benny died, Debby she is gone." My heart went wild as my head said "I know, I woke up this morning already knowing this......"
  
  It was 2 years ago when I screamed the loudest I have ever screamed in pure sadness and in pure loss.....I hate "knowing" whatever part of me is that small voice always bringing forth trauma I need to face head on and bravely.....I don't hate very many things in my life but I do hate feeling death as it comes so close to my own life force. It's a shadow, it's a thought or a warning but it is a huge part of the glory in living!
  
  My darling Benny Girl, I wish you were here to share all you now know in the after life, the force of the universe and the wonder of it ALL!
  
  I miss you..................HUGS :-}
  

  

Love the World

Last Night

Last Night was a clear sky full of stars and crescent moon, I walked all over my backyard wide awake and much more sober then earlier.....Having gone wine tasting with my husband and his dad the 3 of us had such great time even swinging by to see my father-in-law's wife Teresa at her new wonderful job in the Williamson Winery. These are the kind of parents I'm so deeply grateful for, they are happy and healthy while delighting in good foods, good drinks and good times! I am never worn out by the topics they discuss and the true honest conversations we have! It was such a perfect father's day, it was such a BEAUTIFUL magical day after 6 wineries I sat outside instead of participating in the last 2 tastings, I could feel my head swimming a bit that I was very grateful for every little detail in my eye sight and a good nap back at Dad's house with my dogs helped bring me into the Summer Solstice Celebration with a clear head and a clear heart that as I grow older my personal struggles with my own father are laid to rest even better then the year before. I asked my mother over the phone "Is Dad having a good Father's day?" She snorted back "He doesn't care about these kind of holidays, we did nothing for him because that is what he likes." I chuckled back nodding my head that sadly my father has never changed in all his over 60 years now.....If I wish for more from him then that is purely on ME not him, so if I let him be as he is then he is happy and that should be what I want for him on father's day isn't it???? The truth is for all of us that if you stop to think about it is very very easy to become a Father, to actually stay around while your mother painfully gives birth and help raise you is far more difficult choice for the man, those who stay and those who care can make good to even great fathers but the celebration is that they didn't bolt, they are fathers and sometimes they don't eat their young in the end...sometimes. I was far more focused on the Happy Summer Solstice then on a Happy Father's day.....Because Mother Earth will always out last any parent's relationship in the end! I was in true delight of the night's sky and of all the helpful good in-laws that I have!

Celebrating the Solstice!

Every June 21rst I celebrate the clear summer sky at night cooling down and simply dancing. The soft flowing skirt and my henna painted hands reach for the stars as I praise the Universe for being alive in me!    Each year I get better at focusing on my idea of magic and mystical ways, I am happy to be......simply to be! 
Happy Summer Solstice Everyone for the magic is IN you !

Savoring Life!

 "Life is soooooo truly weird like this in how connected we are to our past when facing a new future." I thought to my worn out self in the day before helping my Beloved Tiffany pack and move, her ex-husband and I are still good friends so we worked together in helping her. I felt so often at times like we were all 16 years old again, I was tagging along like the 3rd wheel I had been back then. In our gossiping judging environment at the time 20 years ago, I helped them be able to spend time with each other without worries of anyone's assumption for sexual activity, as the 3 of us had long debates, deep discussions about God and what makes a good family. We were such good trio in 3 completely different personalities being reliable friends. At their wedding when I was just 18 years old I thought about how much we were still so young, they brought 4 wonderful children into this world that I got to be friends with too! Now that they are divorced I am finding myself directly in the middle like a 3rd wheel but I am also aware of how important not taking sides is for me as I still reflect back to our friendship those summer days in church camp hiking up the mountain side to have our bible study and prayer circle. Those days feel like another life time ago and in many ways they are now....yet our past is always apart of our future. I went to "Savor Idaho" at the Botanical gardens Then I saw it, that old haunted state penitentiary building before me surrounded by the fresh new June's garden growing. Ladies in sun hats and men in sun glasses the place was buzzing with human life not just honey bees! I enjoyed a lovely walk that had me thinking about how important it is for me to carry my memories side by side in a healthy way. That time is gone being 16 years old was so hard for me that I needed my friends like Tiffany and Devin, that I still want to keep those connections as their lives change into the future in bittersweet ways right now, I will always seek what is beautiful, as I sat in the garden drinking some white wine as my "down time" I realized It is BEAUTIFUL even now if that is the way I choose to look at it, The future will always be right in front of me. my friends will always be in my good memories of my past and my home will always hold such peace as I share my life with others! I wondered about the old prison behind me full of fear, full of despair even evil at the time now it sits as a backdrop landscape to the future so magical and so full of life! The garden is growing and the people are socializing over the foods and drinks of our community so I tasted everything! I met new people and sat with old friends thinking there are still great things to learn and good things to do that makes me smile in wonder over it all!

It is a scary beautiful thing to see an old abandon prison full of history in darkness and shame be surround by great beauty of a new garden! It symbolizes that the past always finds a way into the future!

Little Wonders - Rob Thomas - Lyrics on Screen - (HQ)

To my good friend Molly who knows me so well and loves to live just as much I do! She is one of those beautiful happy women that brings kindness and hugs with her everywhere and she shared this song with me when I was struggling so much yesterday.......

To my magical mother-in-law Teresa whose wisdom and comfort is a life boat to me when I feel like such a fool, when I feel like I need a Goddess full of guidance to help me choose my next step carefully! I longed to see her yesterday morning thinking she was out of reach only to have her walk right into me as I cried over the phone she found me in person.....Life is pure magical when I am not even looking for it! To beauty of the Earth to the glory of the skies I was struggling so much yesterday in my need to be helpful and kind I wanted to make the world a better place only to realize it came at a cost of my own good health.......In these small hours I am changed and I am growing!

Jumping in!

 It's started out fast and fun this month of June, I have been looking forward to hanging out with my friend's kids, all 4 of them have been such a delight in knowing and hanging out with all these years, now as their parents have divorced I think it's even more important to simply chill out with them, enjoying all the little things in life especially in this beautiful summer month! When their parents were dating I was the 3rd wheel tagging along with them everywhere as back in those days our church held high standards and quick judgement if any 2 "Love birds" were ever alone, being 16 I was very annoyed by all the gossip my Beloved Friend got for having her boyfriend with us all the time. I am hoping now as they go their separate ways that I can remain friends with both of them, this takes a clear step of awareness in not choosing "sides" and never jump to sudden judgement on either parent. Their kids have always been delightful in my life, they are all important to me as I can truly just love on.....It's going to be a fun summer as we hang out and as I know what is important to me, to high five and cheer on the kids when we play tennis, to hold up the youngest while swimming and to talk about anything and everything the world around us gives!
When I said "No." they look at me in surprise then quickly obey as I never use such word unless confident in the situation, I never boss or try to control them yet everything we negotiate on takes time and agreement before we move forward in our day. I have noticed that I ask from them clear direction in taking care of their things and their chores, when their parent arrives back on the scene I no longer have to the responsibility to say "No." or "Did you pick up your trash?" this ability to just enjoy my life with or without the kids helps me not overstep my boundaries as the "babysitter" or as the "family friend" I enjoy being both and knowing when the roles change. I often wish I had this system down back when I was 14 years old raising my baby brothers, if I could of setup healthy good boundaries for myself back then I wouldn't of been so easily manipulated by my parents to be their "built in babysitter" and to struggle physiologically with feeling like a Mother when I really wasn't......It was a random radio program that had me sobbing by the end because the reporter said "Older siblings have no rights at all to care or concern of their younger siblings, even though the older sibling loves those younger siblings like a parent maybe even being old enough to actually BE their parent but it doesn't stand up in court or in any part of the law. It is one of the most helpless positions to be in as a family fighting for a better future."
I looked at the kids yesterday laughing, talking and swimming thinking over how adaptable they are to their new surroundings, how resilient and how easily made happy they are! We could all learn from them when we grieve over the past or struggle in fear facing the future......Loving right where we are in the moment of just right now is one of the best qualities in most children! I am grateful to be their friend, to be their parents friend from both sides in the flip of a coin! Life is ever changing, challenging and crazy but it is the stillness of the summer sky and the arms held out to the such a magical earth that we can live on for awhile which makes me simply smile and say "I'm jumping in!" 
to the squeals and laughter of the kids,  
FOR It's now simply HAPPY summer time!

Joy Unto Nature Everyone

June is a month for nature to celebrate!
June is a month for everyone to celebrate!
June is a month for the beginning of the whole new summer!

I love seeing cherries get red on the branches and for the irrigation water to move across the thirsty earth once again!
I am always sweaty and dirty, I am always wearing hats and gloves as my garden takes on a new life form and setup! I love June for the cool mornings I can walk my dog and swing at the park knowing in the shaded evenings the fire pit pops and crackles with a glass of chilled white wine! This is the magic of JUNE, Joy unto Nature Everyone we are HERE in the best days of our lives!

My Beloved June!

I LOVE JUNE!I love summer overall of course but it is June where cherries come on and the fire pit glows every night! 
If I could live somewhere that had 12 months of June then I would clearly move there tomorrow! I was swinging the other day watching the foothills nothing was to hot or to dried out THIS is the beginning of summer, the free feeling of wide open days in good weather and warm sunshine .....I could smell the air full of nature, full of summer, to the sound of children playing I swung awhile realizing how nice it is to know many more days like this are ahead of us once again, with BBQs, Swimming, Biking and lazy picnics! The whole world looked so green while I was swinging the sweet summer time morning and I knew THIS is the greatest month of ALL!
I am ready for a good summer......feels like magic to embrace this month once again!